Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Dream: Very Vivid Dream, Ticked Off At Hubby

The other morning I woke up royally ticked. For no reason.

Yea, I know. It makes no sense.

I had such a vivid dream and was 10x ticked off in it. So imagine.

In my dream MyHubby told me he was going to Las Vegas. And he was leaving the next day.

I asked if he was taking me with him. He responded no, that he was going alone.

I was thinking but that place is "OUR" special place since we got married there. I couldn't believe he did not want me to go with him.

My heart was broken. I asked him what he was going do and he said I didn't have to know.

And then I got ticked off. I started asking him if he was having an affair or was leaving me.

He got all huffy and told me, no he was just going on a trip alone. He wouldn't give me any details like where he was staying, when he was coming back, etc.

It made no sense.

And if you follow my blog and have read about some of my dreams, you know my dreams can get jumbled with 2-3 things going on at the same time.

But I'll just finish this segment first.

Somehow my mom and sister is at my home.  I was upset and told them what Hubby was doing. He had his clothes hanging on a doorknob that he was going to bring. The clothes was really not Hubby's style. My mom and sister was going through them saying, "He was out of his mind."

That's all I remember because I woke up, as I said royally ticked.

Another segment of my dream is there were a gang of Hispanic boys hanging around our house. I went out to talk to them and I became interested in one. He was such a sweetheart and I wanted to adopt him.  This segment was sketchy. We were just talking and he had the same personality as BabyGirl. That segment ended abruptly.

My Analysis: I have no clue about the Hispanic boy. I do not want any more kids. lol.

As far as Hubby going to Vegas without me, the previous evening he reminded me our anniversary was next month. I probably would have remembered it as it got closer but it has not been on my mind. Wow! We'll be married 2 years and on our 6th year of knowing each other.

I have never became angry with him as I do in my dreams. He says it is a deep seeded anger, jokingly. But I can honestly say I don't. We are fine.  We have normal disagreements but we don't get angry like that. We talk about it, get over with and move on.  I know he wouldn't just tell me suddenly he was going somewheres without my input, especially a trip. I know he would never do something like that.

When I woke up, I told him he needs to stop doing that in my dreams. He looks at me like he is at a loss and have no idea what to do with me.

But that's okay. I know he still loves me, even with my craziness!!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Veteran's Day

Yesterday was Veteran's Day as you probably know, unless you are living under a rock.

Saturday, my Hubby and his former AF crew with their spouses got together at a local restaurant. They are mostly retired. It is always so interesting to hear their stories. 

I sometimes feel awkward because the spouses of the servicemen and servicewomen were with them through it all. I met Hubby after he was out of the service. They all know each other and have a connection. 

But I make the best of it. They are friendly and talk to me but I don't have the knowledge or experiences to share. 

I have learned how such a sheltered life I grew up in. I have no qualms about that. It is just the way I was raised. I didn't have the opportunities to travel and experience some of the military life. But it is sometimes mind-boggling when I hear some of their stories.

At one point our Veterans were huddled together which left the spouses such as myself fend for ourselves. One of the wives whose hubby is still on active duty as a Sargent Lieutenant started talking to me and another wife who seemed to feel the same way as me. Left out. 

She said she endures this all the time, being left hanging while her hubby mingles with his comrades. 

I told her to get through these I think of the sacrifices they did for the country. Feeling left out for a few hours is nothing compared to it.

Although Hubby didn't go to full combat, he still served. His former team members were his family. It is like a reunion. It is nice to meet people he talks about. 

She agreed and said she has become used to it in some ways.

One of the members did make a good point. Their team went to Desert Storm and they all made it back alive. God was with them. 

All in all, it was a good time.

Yesterday at the Memorial Service we attend, there is this man who sings like no other. He is always there for Christmas, Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. God gave him an awesome talent and he sings with such emotion. I want to cry when he signs America The Beautiful. 

One of the speakers made a good point. 

The place was full but with all the people in this city, I am sure more than half of our population didn't even think of the reason for this holiday.  Our vets made it possible for our freedoms and protection whether they went into combat or just worked in the offices. They all gave themselves to serve and protect us us.

Why can't everyone remember that?

Back to the speaker, he said he appreciated we all came out and every Veteran appreciates our participation, prayers and respect.

He said in certain words how sad that most Americans will not participate in a FREE Service to honor those who have protected and served us. But we will pay any kind of money to pack the stands at a football game or spend at the Veteran's Day sales. 

He is right.

It is sad. 

I saw this young Serviceman with a Purple Heart with his wife at his side.  I saw widows remembering their husbands who died for us.  I can't even imagine.

It just hits you when you go to these functions.  Yes, you know what it is all about but when you participate in something like that, reality punches you. 

There were several business who gave free meals to Veterans or some kind of discount. We decided to go to AppleBees after the service. Our waitress had this awesome shirt. She was complimented many times. I've looked for the shirt online but can't find one that is exactly like it. But it is something like this.

It had more blue but gorgeous. This is one of the times I wish I had a fancy phone with a camera LOL.

Anyway, I hope you had just one thought of the purpose of Veteran's Day. But you don't have to stop. If you see a solider in uniform or a Veteran, thank them. At any time.  Just a simple, "Thank you for serving" is enough. Hubby and I have done this many times. It warms your heart to see their faces brighten and hear the appreciative thank you in their voices.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Cause of My Foot Pain

My apologies for not getting to write yesterday. It was a very busy day.

I went to a Podiatrist, Dr G. After doing x-rays he diagnosed me with Achilles Tendonitis. He said it can be caused by many things and hard for him to pinpoint. I think since it started when I was moving, it is from overuse.

He gave me a Cortisone shot in the ankle to relieve the swelling and inflammation.

He suggested that I either get BACKLESS/STRAPLESS 2'-2-1/2 inch wedge shoes like these.

I explained to him it was not gonna happen because the shoe will fall off. I need a strap to support it. So he gave some wedges to put inside of my shoe under the sole.

He gave me some interesting details about my foot. He said because of my CP and surgery, through the years my tendons has grown very stiff which causes me to walk more on my toes unnecessarily stretching my tendons, and making them weak, easier to get them inflamed. Hence, the backless strapless wedge shoes or use the wedges or vital.

He said my tendons are so far gone in being stiff that the usual regimen of stretch exercises for Achilles tendonitis my GP had given me is won't work for me.

I asked him if there was any way I can save my shoes because I have always walked to where my toes  ofthe shoe\wear out. If I am diligent, which I am not, I would have to buy shoes every 6 months for this reason. I attempt to get a thick sole at at the toes.

He said wearing the wedges will distribute the pressure equally to where my shoes will last double that time because I won't be walking on my toes. That excited me immensely! You have no idea!

He wants to see me back in one week and informed me that it can take 4-6 weeks for my swelling and inflammation to go away and I am back to my 'normal' self.

He did give me a handout about the shoes he suggested and where to get them. I went to one of them, Crazy Charlie Shoes. I attempted the Volatile wedge shoes and my notion was confirmed. It is actually dangerous for me because the shoe moves and I twist my foot or stumble. 

I want to give KUDOS to the salesgirl, Dacia. She was so patient in helping me.

It's a whole new buying experiencing try to fit a shoe with the wedges. I bought some and they slip a little but again the two inch wedges lefts my heel. She said I had 14 days to return them so I'll address this issue with Dr G next time. These are the shoes I ended up buying that was comfortable and had the rubber sole I needed.

He also gave me some brands from Wallyworld. I looked for them but I couldn't find any. I asked one of the workers and she said they didn't have any more.

And lastly, the suggestion I hate the most is I cannot go barefooted. I am always barefooted in the house. I enter door and shoes come off to have what I call Happy Feet. But he told me I needed to get some slippers with the required measurements or shoes. That is so hard to find in my size.  Hubby had some slippers like I would need but they are like 3 sizes too big.

He said if none of this works, which he is confident it will, another lengthening of my tendons may be in order down the road.  But he said surgery is absolutely last resort.

So I am in search for other shoes and/or slippers. But now I know I am not crazy and something isn't right. I am now on the journey of recovery.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Foot Pain Anxiety

During my move in January, I was on my feet a lot more than usual. Packing, loading cars, unloading cars, transporting our belongings to storage than back out into our new home and unpacking.

My feet hurt. They usually hurt when I am on them for a long period of time. After a rest I am fine. But this was different.

A few weeks later my weight bearing was off. Yes, my weight bearing is already off because of my cerebral palsy but this was different.  But I was still in denial.

I get up and instead of just taking a step like 'normal' I have to make a conscious effort to step and move. After a few steps I am fine. Also behind my left ankle started hurting. Just a dull pain, yet aggravating. Once I got off it, I was fine.

I continued to think it was just taking time to heal. The way I walk I tend to favor my right side with the weight bearing.

It is irritating and frustrating. Several months later, I visited my doctor for something else. I mentioned my problem. He said it might have been a strain and because of my CP (Cerebral Palsy) my ankles may be weakening. He told me to do some stretch exercises. He also gave me a fluid pill as my feet were swelling.

I did the exercises diligently. However, it made the problem worse.

My weight bearing still sucks royally. The pain is in back of my left ankle mostly. It is a burning sharp pain. The pain continues when I am off it so there is something not right.

I have piddled paddle around with this issue. I just didn't want to deal with it so I ignored it as much as I could.

I am finally coming to my senses and not to mention I am afraid I do more damage, if there is any damage. I need this taken care of.

I was not sure if I should go to a podiatrist or orthopedic.

I decided to start with a Podiatrist. When I think orthopedic I think surgery. I know probably unfounded but it is my thought process.

And I can always blame my crazy thought processes on my Cerebral Palsy. (HA! Hey it's my excuse!)

I called this well-known Podiatrist.  I'll call him Dr. B. He is on my Medicare insurance.

The lady asked me the regular questions, NAZ, age and insurance. She notified me that they do not take Medicare patients under 65. I thought that was weird. If I had another insurance they would.

I thought this was so wrong. I had friends on Facebook say it has to be illegal. I thought it was too. Discrimination at best.  But after calling Medicare, I learned unless they are accepting other new patients with only Medicare they can deny service.  There is no way to prove it either way.

I called another Podiatrist, the second best rated Podiatrist in this area by ratemds.com.  They gave me an appointment for tomorrow. That was pretty darn good considering they would have taken me the next day of my call but I had other things to do.

So I've been thinking about my appointment.

I'm nervous.

I am scared.

I keep thinking there is rarely anything simple with me medically.

My thoughts are:

How am I going to walk with a brace?  I know they are better made and won't be as bad as the big steel  stiff ones I had as a child.

What if he tells me to stay off it? Mind you I spend most of my time at home so it is not like I go all over the place. However, the fear of losing my independence sets in.

What if he wants me to go through physical therapy? Flashbacks of learning to walk after surgery with  rails dad made me and my mom moving my legs as I lay on that chest freezer as a child run through my mind.

I know I am thinking too much and hopefully imagining the worse. But arghh!

Having to deal with my few limitations of CP plus getting old just totally sucks!

But as my mom used to say,  it is what it is and I have to just deal with it.