Mumble Jumble: No Motivation

I have had no motivation whatsoever. To do much of anything.

I can blame it on my recent gastrointestinal problems or any one of my medical malady. I can blame it on the cold. I can blame it on the holiday season stress. 

I don't know. I can't pinpoint the problem. I wish I could.

First, I don't have the motivation to read any of my favorite blogs I enjoy much less write my own. I have several in draft, completed. I just need to click publish but I don't have motivation to do that. I keep going over it and editing. I don't think it is good enough yet. I sometimes think I am not good enough to write. However, I remind myself when I started this blog, it was sorta like a diary, but publicly sharing my life to show others even with disabilities we go through the same joys and obstacles than those without. 

I have fellow bloggers and others say I have a gift and write well. It means a lot to me and thank them. Why don't I believe it?

I also have lost interest in Facebook, not that I ever had much interest in it in the first place. The only reason I maintain it is to keep in touch with my family and friends. If you think about it, its a shame. You have to go to a website to see what the most important people in your life are doing. There is something wrong with that.

I dread the holidays. I love the reason for the season, Jesus. I also enjoy the family time. But the rest such as shopping, fighting traffic and stressing I can do without. I find Christmas has become so commercialized it is ridiculous. The whole purpose of the Christmas Season is forgotten by I bet 50% or more of the population.

There are some things bothering the hell out of me in regards personal matters. Although I have voiced my thoughts before about certain things, the response has been rather condescending and 'it is what it is." But why is that I always have to conform to the changes. Or if I say okay, well then I'll do my own thing I am looked at as the bad person.

MyHubby says I should say how I just need to make my decisions on what makes me happy and don't worry about what everyone else thinks. They sure as hell don't worry or care about what I think.

He is right. But it is hard. It's frustrating and maddening.

I have been praying asking God to give me direction and strength. Either I am not listening or he has his plan that he doesn't want me know about just yet.

Sorry about the rambling. I just wanted to let all of you great people who read my blog that I am around and do care about all of you but I'm just in a rare mood at this point. I am sure it shall pass.

Have a wonderful Holiday Season! Be careful and enjoy!