365 JOURNAL WRITING IDEAS: PERMISSIONS TO MYSELF THROUGHOUT THE YEAR

In the introduction of this book it suggested to write out the following to set out my intentions for the next year of my life.  It can be simple form or random around the page or whatever.

Over the next 356 days I give myself permission:

VENT

accept myself

Create my OWN LIFE

REPEAT MYSELF IF I AM NOT HEARD!

REPEAT MYSELF I AM NOT HEARD!

Let go of past hurts and regrets

CELEBRATE MY DAILY ACHIEVEMENTS

Grab New Opportunities with both hands!


Whew! That is a long list of permissions!

Which one(s) will you give yourself permission to do?

Last Post….

of 2013 that is. I gotcha didn't I? 

Another year is coming to an end.  I look back at this time last year, MyHubby and I were "Homeless". The home buying process was coming to an end and there were delays of getting it on our property.  We spent Christmas and New Years living at my awesome Mother-in-law's. 

God works in mysterious ways because since then I think my MIL and I have bonded in certain ways. I think she has learned I am not totally disabled and am capable of taking care of her son. I have learned that she is only a concerned mother and she is full of more wisdom than I can imagine.

My health was overall stable until my hospital visit this month. It hit me hard. But I am still kicking. The tendinitis is still bugging me but oh well.

I used to make New Years Resolutions but I find them useless for me. 

Anyway our Christmas of 2013 was memorable. Christmas Eve, we shared it with Hubby's family. We went to the Memorial service in remembrance of his dad and all others who had lost a loved one. I think it is a beautiful event.  After we enjoyed a nice dinner at my brother-in-laws home and visited with his nieces and mother.

Christmas Day, we went to my niece's as my sister is remodeling her home so my niece volunteered. She was a great hostess. We again had a great meal. I was able to meet my second great nephew. Now we have 3 small children in our family again. It was fun to see them.

The oldest is 2 year old Andrew who is very busy, energetic and all boy. 

Then there is cutie pie 1-1/2 year old all girl Lillian, happy, quiet and rather do her own thing.

Jonah is the youngest 5 months who is also a happy boy who wouldn't cry with anyone who picked him up. I got the chance to hold him, kiss him and squeeze the cut little cheeks (Softly). 

The blessing was everyone was there. Sometimes someone was offshore or off to another place. This year all of my family was together. 

Oh and I met BabyGirl's boyfriend for the first time. I gave him a subtle short talk about not hurting my daughter. He took it well. I wasn't able to talk to him one to one like I would have liked to but if he is around I'm sure I'll get to know him more. He seems like a nice wholesome guy.

After we left there we decided to go see if my BFF, JoAnn was home. She lives right down the road from my sister and niece. My niece lives a few doors down from my sister. 

The few times I had gone no one was home. They didn't even know where we lived. But our friendship is like that. We may not talk to each other for months or even years, but we continue where we left off. Miraculously, she was there with her crazy husband and her Mom who I hadn't see in a long time.

JoAnn's husband and I get along great. We pull tricks on each other and jokingly insult each other. I am thankful my best friend finally found this man. She deserves the best.

They have an X-box for when her grand kids go. We checked it out. It is pretty cool. It is better than the Wii and PlayStation that we have. I laughed until I cried watching MyHubby and Joann play a game. It was so funny to see their faces and movements. Ahh that will be a memorable time.

We came home later than we expected but it was all worthwhile. 

We are going back to my brother-in-law's New Year's Day to have a meal and watch some LSU football!!!!! GEAUX TIGERS!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I wish you a safe and Happy New Year! Be careful if you go out New Year's Eve or Day!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Disclaimer: A few curse words. Proceed at your discretion,

There is a saying that says Happiness is within yourself or something like that. You have to embrace it yourself. You are the only one responsible for your happiness. I can't remember the exact quote and I am sure my faithful followers will send me some. I am in no mood to go searching for it because frankly I am hurt. I am pissed. I am frustrated.

I DO believe it myself. I have learned what has made me happy. I have actually eliminated things and people that made me unhappy.

The reason why I say that is because as I am stressed and the person who is the main source of the stress is all giggly and say well you can't depend on others to make you happy or stress so much it takes your happiness. It is not a direct quote but it is pretty much what they said. I had to pause. I had to think. It was hours ago I was told this and I was willing to dismiss it and let it go. But then something else occurred and I need to get it out and here I am.

For the past month I've been trying so hard to just catch very stone thrown and catch it. I've been trying to make something work. I've been trying to be calm and take one day at a time. However, when you are trying so hard and wholeheartedly trying to make the best of the situation and the other person blatantly has their priorities screwed, it makes me think what the hell am I doing.

The few people I have confided in tell me what I know what I need to do and give me support and advice. But when I feel like I am pulled in two directions I get tangled up.

When I offer help, it is a true offer. I spell out the conditions of what I can and can't do. I am up front and inform the person what is expected in return which is usually just appreciation. And it is truly that.

I know how it feels to need help. I know how it feels to be dependent on someone. I spent 3 months with my mom and dad after major surgery. My mom, dad and sister pulled together to help me and BabyGirl. Although I had not lived in their home for years, I knew their routines. I knew I was putting them out. I made sure I had everything for my baby. I adapted to THEIR schedule. I knew they went to bed early. So when I knew it was time for their bedtime and I was depending on them, I went to bed although my bedtime was normally later. I adapted to their life. I had not one iota thought of them trying to adapt to mine. But I think in the end there was some give and take and we made up our own routine where we were inconvenienced at one time or another but happy with the decision. We made it work.

My current situation is sorta different but the whole thought process is the same. I hate feeling used.  I hate when I say my feelings I feel like a mean person. I hate letting them make me feel bad after saying what I feel. I hate them taking it the wrong way all the time or twisting my words to make me the bad guy..

I hate when you love someone so much and try to help them and they just go off and do their own thing and have no second thought. You are the only person  who they can depend on. But they just keep kicking you in the teeth.

When you tell them how you feel ,their repetitive automatic response tells you they either have no clue or they do know and just don't care. That is my view of it. It may be other reasons but it is the way I am interpreting it. They are so into what they want and don't give a crap about what you feel, say or do. They REALLY don't care what they do is affecting others.  Because if they did care they would correct it or even show some sign they really DO get it. As they say actions speak louder than words.

If I know it brings financially hardship to the other person while i need help, they would be the first on my list to pay back or compensate when I had the money.

Amazes me how SOME young people nowadays (NOTE: I said SOME not ALL) say they are so smart and have responsibility etc etc. They may be intelligent in academics and have some life experiences but the way they act they have a lot of rude awakenings coming and it will knock them on their butt. And when that time comes the person they most depend on, may not be there to help for whatever reason.