Looking back

 I never imagined so many people sending me emails and private messages supporting me yesterday. We bitch about facebook and blogger but if I hadn't had any of you here I would have done something I would have regretted. Ya'll kept me busy responding to your notes etc. I give a sincere thank you to all. Ya'll mean so much to me, and not just because of yesterday. Everyone of you have impacted my life in a positive way.

Soon after my post on FB my BabyGirl called me worried. Regrettably, I poured my tears on her. She kept saying, "Mom, Breathe. Mom Breathe." She and I have been through alot. I always said God gave me My BabyGIrl to keep me going during times like these. She has always been my rock. She has no idea how many times I've kept going solely because of her. She has no clue how much power she has.

My mom coincidentally called me when I returned home. My BFF, Jeff I had not heard from in a while emailed me letting me know he was there. My cuz kept tabs on me throughout the day.

MyLove came home with hardly any clue what went down. He assured me everything would be okay. I was at one of my lowest. I fell asleep crying in his arms. I woke up around 2 am with a very bad anxiety attack. However, His words, "We'll be okay. I love you. and My BabyGirl's "Breathe Moma. Breathe" calmed and I went back to sleep.

I knew when I met MyLove, he was different than any man I knew. He was there for me as he is always. I can count on him. He's seen me through tough times. I've opened the door a few times for him to leave. He does not have to put up with me and my life. But he stays. He loves me. I am so grateful. I love him more than any man I loved. It wasn't that many but I had to go through a few toads to catch my prince.

I woke up this morning. I am not going to lie. I can feel the black hole wanting to suck me in.

I am fighting. I went over in my head what went down. Poor workers at the office. Everyone, including the visitors were on edge.  It is none of their fault. It's whoever made that vital mistake. It is our government's red tape. They've knocked me down a few times, yesterday one of the worst. But I am getting back up slowly...so far.

I have taken some of your suggestions. I called doctors and hospitals I am paying monthly and told them of my circumstance, they are willing to wait for next month. THANK GOODNESS. I guess everything else is going to take care of itself. Can't get blood out of a turnip, right?

I called the Congressman but as all government crappola, it was a recorded message. Go figure. LOL. I am going to write him and everyone I can find. I may not get any answers. It is my therapy. It is something I have to do.

God and I were not on good terms yesterday. There was a big miscommunication between he and I.  He watched me melt downl. WHY? I know all the bible stuff. This life of despair and hardships is a journey to eternal life with him. How much hardship can one take? All I want is to get by. I repeated, "He never gives me more than I can handle" That is questionable. I don't want anything luxurious. I just want to be to be able to breathe easily, be able to pay my bills at least.  I guess I am selfish in that way. Greedy compared to what others have. I don't know. His actions continue to be a mystery. I joke sometimes, I have to have a golden path to him by now. Right?

Anyway, I am tired. I am stressed.Once again, I am fighting the deep black hole. It is too close for comfort.

However I am better than yesterday. I had MyLove so worried, he just called me. He does that sometimes when he is away for lunch. But I can hear the concern. I hate when I make people worry.

I guess I'll be okay eventually. I have my army of each and everyone of you behind me with my family. How can I not be? Its another obstacle to trudge through

I can't say thank you enough or say any words to express my love and gratitude for all of you. THANK YOU AND BIG HUGS TO ALL !!.