Valentine's Day

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Valentine's Day!

May those who have a special someone have an awesome day. It's a day to remind each other how much you love one another. It doesn't have to be a gift-giving occasion.

For those who have loved ones that have passed away, remember God has his arms wrapped around you while your loved one is smiling down on you. Big hugs to you from me.

For those who have never found anyone special to love or to love them, maybe there is someone out there for you taking their sweet old time to get to you or God has other plans for you. Remember HE loves you!

To everyone else, all my family, friends including blogger friends……


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Hubby and I are going dine at a local restaurant here in the boonies. Yes, we have a few of those here.

I bought him a lighthearted card and box of candy. He says when I give a card, it is always serious. Hence, the lighthearted card.

Since I was still in my dreams, we didn't see each other this morning so I don't know if or what he got me.

What did you do on Valentines Day? How did your loved one show you how much you mean to them?

I've been thinking…

I've been thinking…

Yea, I know that's dangerous for me to do. "SMILE"

I've been thinking and wondering if those who I love and admire REALLY does know how much they mean to me.

Yes. We say I love you. We thank them. We give tear-jerker cards for birthdays and other occasions.

But do they really know the extent of how much you love them, adore them and grateful for them?

I've also been thinking how do you show this overwhelming love, adoration and gratefulness for that person?

As I said…I've been thinking..

On A Mission: Helping a Friend Find Love

I will be starting a mission soon. I know it is an out of ordinary mission. Some of you will say, "WHHHAATT?" Please say prayers that it will be accomplished.

I have talked about one of my best friends, Jeff. He is divorced and has been alone for a while now. His kids are grown and on their own. He served in the military and was injured. He is on disability. He has multiple problems such as diabetes, chronic pain, asthma, extreme shyness and  panic attacks in crowds. He walks with a cane. He lives in Illinois and the girl will have to move there if it becomes serious.

We both were single at the same time and I finally found that special someone. I want the same for him so desperately.

He's had one woman who moved in with him . But it did not work out. It seems he tries to find someone online but the results are mostly scam artists and overseas. He had an online 'relationship' for a long time with one woman who was from overseas but she disappeared.

So my mission is to find someone for him. I will be the one trying to sort out the psychos before they waste his time or breaks his heart.

He approves this so I am not doing it behind his back. Actually, I offered for years with him declining. I totally respected his wishes. However, he has finally said yes!!

Here's my tentative plan. It will certainly be trial and error.

I will make a different email just for this. He will have access to it.

Then I will make a profile to post on some dating websites. I am still thinking of how I am going to do it. I am researching.

I am asking you my friends and bloggers, if you know of a woman who is looking for love and you think she will like my friend and eventually love him and spend the rest of their life with him please tell them about this mission.

Also if you have any suggestions I am opened to them. Wish me good luck!

Paying For Daddy's Meal

Since the few previous posts were rather drab, it's time to make you chuckle.

Let me tell you about my Daddy. He has always been a loving and supporting father. He has worked hard and continue to do so even retired. He is busy busy busy although he had a stroke at a young age, around 1984. I remember around that time because I was working. Ever since then he has an aneurysm and many other problems and is not in the best of health. Due to a combination of his medical history and working in a very loud hoist building at a salt mine for many years, he is hard of hearing, especially in a public venue with a lot of people talking and noise.

At the beginning of each month, my Mom's sisters and brothers get together at a local restaurant. Somehow MyHubby and I have infiltrated their get-together. It's the only time I would see some of my aunts and uncles. I enjoy their company and the food. No one has kicked us out so we try to go every month although it is an hours drive one way.

My Daddy's birthday was at the beginning of this month. My mom was at retreat at the time of the monthly dinner. So MyHubby and I decided to treat Daddy.

We arrived at the restaurant first so we told the waitress to put Daddy on our bill but don't tell him. We knew he would refuse and give us a hard time. 

After the delicious meal, the waitress started giving out bills. Daddy was watching her intently. As she was walking away after giving everyone their bills I heard Daddy loudly ask her where was his bill. She completely ignored him. I don't know if she just didn't hear or totally ignored him for our sake. 

I saw his eyes follow the waitress. When she came closer he jokingly asked if he was eating free. She laughingly responded, "Yes you sure are!" 

He likes to joke as well.

He thought she was joking with him and he said, "Oh okay." He was not convinced and was really confused.

Everyone had their credit cards and cash out and the waitress eventually picked them up. 

Again, Daddy stated to her that he still hasn't received a bill.  She chuckled. "Maybe you don't have one."

I saw the look of confusion on his face. Maybe he just couldn't hear her clearly or he was really confused.

As she passed out the receipts she was chatting with us and skipped Daddy. Daddy said, "Everyone got their bills but me."  She just laughed.

I could tell it was time to tell him with the look on his face of growing agitation and it was already done so he couldn't argue with us. 

Hubby was sitting next to Daddy with me next to Hubby. I told Hubby to tell Daddy not to worry about it. It's paid.

Daddy said, "Oh really? Who?" 

As I said, Daddy has many medical issues and his memory loss is one of them. I can tell him one thing and the next breath he will ask or say something about what I had just said.

He said, "Really?" He scans the room.

I gestured to him and mouthed, "Don't worry about it."

With his hand to his ear, he asked, "What?"

I can't yell over the noise so tapped Hubby to tell him it is paid for already.

Hubby turns to Daddy, "Don't worry about it, your meal is paid for."

Daddy finally gets it! And starts refusing. I walked up to him and scolded, "No, just hush.  It's done. Happy Birthday!" I never hush my Daddy by the way. 

He continued to dig in his wallet. I said in his ear, "It's all paid for Daddy!"

He asked, "The tip?" I confirmed it was paid for too.

He thanked us and I am grateful he just took it in stride. I think he was relieved that his mystery was solved.

We did give the waitress a little extra for playing along with us.

My parents don't often let their kids pay for anything and it is nice to just have them LET us pay once in a while.

Does your parents give a hard time when you want to do something nice for them?

Dream: Hubby Disappears at Posh Wedding

I've had some weird dreams and I often try to interpret them but sometimes there is so much in my dream and the scenes are changed frequently.

Last night I had a dream that Hubby and I were at a very elegant wedding. It was seemingly a very posh venue and hotel. The bride and groom were all cool, calm and collected. The bride was walking around in her gown and veil nonchalantly picking up and reading magazines and chatting with people. The groom was just relaxed mingling.

The venue consisted of several stories with stairs with no rails.  I was in a ballroom dress (which is really a dream for hubby) and Hubby was in a nice 3 piece suit. My whole family was there. Aunts, uncles, mom, dad, sister and her family.

Hubby and I were walking up stairs to get food, Maybe the reception was before the wedding?

Hubby said he had to go to the restroom before we went eat and left me standing there. So I waited. And waited. And waited.

I walked to the men's restroom and asked a gentleman to see if Hubby was in there. He wasn't. So I started searching for him. As I was on my search, I found a room with seemingly hundreds of tables  a of food. The food was unknown and I thought it was weird. People were at tables eating and talking. I found some of my family so I sat and ate still wondering where Hubby was.

Everyone was asking where he was.  I was getting peeved. I started searching again after I ate.

I encountered an area where  the groom announced he wanted to give his bride a gift. He looked below a balcony where the pool was. The pool was so blue and beautiful. The Groom nodded and a bunch of young men started covering the pool with a cement, something like when they cover the baseball fields when it rains.  Everyone applauded. I was so confused.

Everyone returned to mingle and my search continued for Hubby. But I looked down where the pool once was and there was a gang of boys beating up one boy. They had several on each side and kept pushing the boy back and forth between the groups. I kept telling everyone we needed to stop them. But no one did and the scene changed.

Do realize I was walking around most of the dream.

I then had to go to the restroom and my feet were tired from walking so much. When I go to the restroom, a janitor lady gave me a slip of paper to put on the door while I was using it.

Scene changed.

Obviously the wedding was over as people were walking to the exits. I had evidently went attend the wedding without Hubby. As I reached the bottom there I spot Hubby with his hands in his pockets strolling towards me. I stopped, folded my arms across my chest and glared at him.

He reached me and asked, "What?"

My temper blew. I said, "What? Where the hell were  you?"

With a confused look CALM voice he answered, "I was karaoking."

I was livid.

I yelled, "Karaoke? Are you f'ing serious? What is the matter with you? You missed the reception! you missed the wedding! You left me on the top of the stairs. You ruined our night!

He responds, " I wasn't gone that long!"

I screamed "Not gone that long? You were gone all freaking night!

I woke up.

First of all Hubby doesn't karaoke.

Second, He wouldn't just leave me like that.

Third, I wouldn't be in a ballroom gown.

It was weird and when I wake up from dreams like that I am drained. And wake up ticked off. I tell Hubby the dream and it is all better.

But Gawd! I hate those dreams!

Embarrassment because of Cerebral Palsy In Family and Friends?

From time to time I go onto a CP Community Board on Face book. It is for all who have CP to congregate and ask questions and/or share their stories.

As I was scanning through I came upon this question. 'Ever see your child "embarrassed" because of you? '

Surprisingly to me, many had stories about their children being embarrassed.  Some kids requested they not walk with them etc.

It sparked a reminder of one of my online friends/fellow blogger had a set of parents who were not accepting as she grew up.  When I heard her story, it also boggled my mind. It still does when I think about it. She is a strong person getting through it all but I can't even guess how she felt.

One girl shared that she was asked to  walk in her friend's wedding. However, when the parents met her they said she would ruin the wedding. 

SERIOUSLY?!

The girl told her friend it was okay to find someone to replace her. She wanted her friend's day to be special and go smoothly. She knew her friend wasn't embarrassed.  

I admit she took it better than I would have. I probably would have done the same thing for my friend. But on the other hand I think I would have been hurt because she did not stand up for me. 

Reading other people's experiences make me realize how blessed I am. I have a family who have never been embarrassed by me.  They accepted me for who I was. 

I can say without a doubt that my sister was not embarrassed by me. Yea, like every sibling rivalry she probably wished I would go away as I was a pesky little sister. It was my job to make her annoyed, I admit I did it well sometimes!

None of my friends were embarrassed by me. But then again, I would not have friends who didn't accept me the way I am and were embarrassed of me. I was in two of my friend's weddings. I couldn't believe they asked me. I had voiced my fears of falling down the aisle with the long dress to one. Her response was it could happen to anyone and if I did, she would just come pick me up. It meant a lot to me that my friends accepted me and loved me enough to ask me to wobble in their wedding. (It was supposed to make you smile!)

My worst fear was for my child to get teased or embarrassed by me. But early on she showed she was not. She defended me when one of her classmates teased me and let him know it was in his best interest to keep his thoughts to himself. And in the fourth grade, she had a 4-H project. She did a presentation on Cerebral Palsy. 

It's unimaginable to me that people who are important in your life would be embarrassed by your CP. I just can't wrap my head around it.

I am sure I will be thinking about this for a bit, trying to figure it out. 

My jumbled thoughts are:  

It is not like you can do anything about it if you have CP. None of us with it asked for it. Probably all of us would agree that if we had a choice we wouldn't have it. But we're stuck with it and we just have to make the best of it. 

I understand children can be selfish and inconsiderate at times but to treat their parents who gave life to them like that, is incomprehensible.  

I understand some teens go through a phase of independence and embarrassment of their 'normal' parents. And maybe that is also true for children of disabled parents. 

As mentioned by others in the CP community  my worst fear came true for them. Their kid were bullied because he had CP so the kid requests they stay clear of him when they are at the school.  Or their sibling has CP and they are being teased because of it.  

Maybe it is not totally embarrassment but fear, of them not being accepted by others because of their parent or sibling with CP. 

It is such a cruel world. 

I don't know. I guess it never happened to me and I can't understand it. In my life, family was important. We were to love, respect and accept each other, period. 

What do you think? How do you think you would feel if you had any kind of disability and your child was embarrassed? 

BabyBear and She-Wolf

MammaBear has a duty to protect her cub especially when they are threatened by a Big Bad She-Wolf. In this post I will refer to Mamma's cub as BabyBear.

You see BabyBear loved the Big Bad She-Wolf. BabyBear's broken heart was not enough for Big Bad She-Wolf. She-wolf seems to have the need to dig her claws deeper and deeper.  

MammaBear could see who She-Wolf really was. She-Wolf acted holier than thou.  Spoke constantly without saying anything at all. User. Rude. Manipulator. And that my friends are only a few. 

But She-Wolf made BabyBear happy. BabyBear knew how MammaBear felt but love is blind. BabyBear is like her MammaBear, always want to see the good in everything and everyone. BabyBear gave She-wolf her ALL:  Friendship, love, loyalty, trust and probably more things than MammaBear has no business knowing.

Then from what MammaBear understands the She-wolf decided she needed to let BabyBear go so She-Wolf can grow up more.  It was a rather amicable break up. It tore at MammaBear's heart strings to hear BabyBear sobbing but was confidant that BabyBear would be fine. BabyBear was picking herself up and moving on. She is strong that way.

(Side note: It came to attention that She-Wolf had another victim within weeks if not days)

Then BabyBear gets a message from She-Wolf insinuating that she could ruin BabyBear. The audacity of this BITCH. (She-wolf is synonymous with BITCH, look it up if there is any doubt.).

When BabyBear told MammaBear, MammaBear's first reaction was, "Who in the hell does she think she is?" God? Really??? Ohhhh...MammaBear was not happy!

MammaBear became angry and roared. She wanted to run to She-Wolf and claw her, bite her, eat her and then spit her out. She wanted She-wolf to pay for all the pain she has caused her BabyBear.

But MammaBear didn't because she knew her and BabyBear was way better than the She-Wolf. They would not go to the Bitch's level.

As days went by every time MammaBear thought of how She-Wolf threatened BabyBear she began to wonder: Hurting her was one thing but threatening..whole different story.

Again, Who the hell did She-Wolf think it was? Oh that's right! She has a self absorbed narcissistic view of herself.

What makes her think she has that kind of leverage on anyone else, let alone BabyBear? She obviously does not know BabyBear like she think she does.

How can She-Wolf say that to someone or even think it, especially to someone who she supposedly loved and cared for? 

Why would she even say it? 

Oh that is right, we're talking about the narcissistic, manipulating, hurtful Bitch.

MammaBear's advice to BabyBear was to move on. Stop all communication with She-Wolf. And always remember she is a good Bear. She has a heart of gold and deserves so much better.  

The End.

To Marry Or Not To Marry

To Marry or Not To Marry

My Love and I have been living together going on four years When we met it had been a few years since our divorce from others and we were not ready at all. We knew we wanted to be together but we saw no reason to marry.

I was terrified and still am. I was married 24 years before I divorced my ex. After 10 years, our marriage just fell apart. I have my theories why but won't get into them now.

My Love and I have mentioned it and discussed it some from time to time.

I would love to get married to him. I do plan on spending the rest of my life with him.

Just recently he brought up marriage again. I didn't take it well the way he said it. We were discussing medical and dental. He said we could get married and I'd be on his insurance without any waiting period. I got defensive and just dropped the subject.

Here are my thoughts:

Religion: We're both Catholic. I was married in a Catholic church so in order to marry My Love in a Catholic Church I would have to get my other marriage annulled which means a lot of red tape and money. We don't need to get married in church we've decided. If we marry by Justice of the Peace, we're still not looked at as married in the Catholic Church's 'laws.” So in the religious aspect, according to the church, we are doomed. I believe that God loves us and wants the best for us. I think THE CHURCH as in POPE and whoever else makes the rules are way behind the times.

Financially: Well we decided to leave our income/expenses as they are now. Separate. Been there/done that with the uniting financially after marriage and I will never do it again. However as far as wills or deaths, it would be easier to for the us to be spouses to go through the legal aspects. I could get on his dental/medical insurance and it wouldn't be so financially straining on me.

Children: He never had kids and he does not want any. I have one and can't have any more. We're too old to think about adopting.

Parents: I know my mom would feel a relief as well as his concerning the religious aspect. My mom and dad would be happy for us and probably relieved that I have someone with me. They love Randal. His mom would probably have that sense of relief as well. I know she has issues regarding my disability but I think its from ignorance more than anything else.

I've secretly wished for about a year when a holiday comes around he would ask me. I want him to ask me to marry him because he loves me not because he feels it is time or for the insurance. I won't bring it up because I want him to come up with it himself.

I was reading an article on Tango that prompted me to write this. I've been thinking a lot about it.

The title of the article was “If He Really Wants to Marry You, He'll Put a Ring On it.” The author used Hugh Hefner situation as an example and it made me think. The girl he spent 7 years with wanted to get married but he kept saying no so she left. Two years later, he decided to get married.

It says that most women believe men are not ready to be married so they wait. However, they say if he wants to MARRY you, they will know it and do it. I understand men and women reach that place different times but the question is how long do you wait to realize they actually do NOT want to marry YOU.

I dated this man and God I loved him. We didn't want marriage at the time but I did want a monogamous relationship with him. He kept saying he wasn't ready and honestly told me he didn't know when or if he would ever be ready. I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and moved on. Unsurprisingly, a few weeks ago he wrote that he thought he was ready for a monogamous relationship. I thought you Goddamn SOB! I was willing to give him the moon and stars.

So I don't know. My Love knows I love him and told him that I wasn't going anywhere. The thought occurred to me that when he brings it up, he might be testing me and trying to figure it out if I want to.

I do want to get married..for the right reasons.