Disclaimer: A few curse words. Proceed at your discretion,
There is a saying that says Happiness is within yourself or something like that. You have to embrace it yourself. You are the only one responsible for your happiness. I can't remember the exact quote and I am sure my faithful followers will send me some. I am in no mood to go searching for it because frankly I am hurt. I am pissed. I am frustrated.
I DO believe it myself. I have learned what has made me happy. I have actually eliminated things and people that made me unhappy.
The reason why I say that is because as I am stressed and the person who is the main source of the stress is all giggly and say well you can't depend on others to make you happy or stress so much it takes your happiness. It is not a direct quote but it is pretty much what they said. I had to pause. I had to think. It was hours ago I was told this and I was willing to dismiss it and let it go. But then something else occurred and I need to get it out and here I am.
For the past month I've been trying so hard to just catch very stone thrown and catch it. I've been trying to make something work. I've been trying to be calm and take one day at a time. However, when you are trying so hard and wholeheartedly trying to make the best of the situation and the other person blatantly has their priorities screwed, it makes me think what the hell am I doing.
The few people I have confided in tell me what I know what I need to do and give me support and advice. But when I feel like I am pulled in two directions I get tangled up.
When I offer help, it is a true offer. I spell out the conditions of what I can and can't do. I am up front and inform the person what is expected in return which is usually just appreciation. And it is truly that.
I know how it feels to need help. I know how it feels to be dependent on someone. I spent 3 months with my mom and dad after major surgery. My mom, dad and sister pulled together to help me and BabyGirl. Although I had not lived in their home for years, I knew their routines. I knew I was putting them out. I made sure I had everything for my baby. I adapted to THEIR schedule. I knew they went to bed early. So when I knew it was time for their bedtime and I was depending on them, I went to bed although my bedtime was normally later. I adapted to their life. I had not one iota thought of them trying to adapt to mine. But I think in the end there was some give and take and we made up our own routine where we were inconvenienced at one time or another but happy with the decision. We made it work.
My current situation is sorta different but the whole thought process is the same. I hate feeling used. I hate when I say my feelings I feel like a mean person. I hate letting them make me feel bad after saying what I feel. I hate them taking it the wrong way all the time or twisting my words to make me the bad guy..
I hate when you love someone so much and try to help them and they just go off and do their own thing and have no second thought. You are the only person who they can depend on. But they just keep kicking you in the teeth.
When you tell them how you feel ,their repetitive automatic response tells you they either have no clue or they do know and just don't care. That is my view of it. It may be other reasons but it is the way I am interpreting it. They are so into what they want and don't give a crap about what you feel, say or do. They REALLY don't care what they do is affecting others. Because if they did care they would correct it or even show some sign they really DO get it. As they say actions speak louder than words.
If I know it brings financially hardship to the other person while i need help, they would be the first on my list to pay back or compensate when I had the money.
Amazes me how SOME young people nowadays (NOTE: I said SOME not ALL) say they are so smart and have responsibility etc etc. They may be intelligent in academics and have some life experiences but the way they act they have a lot of rude awakenings coming and it will knock them on their butt. And when that time comes the person they most depend on, may not be there to help for whatever reason.
