But here it is: I've felt like I'm in a rut the past few days.
I told Hubby we need to start doing something on weekends besides go to church, watch TV and play video games. He asked what. I had no answer. We've had this conversation many times. It ends up the same. We don't know.
I feel guilty saying that because I know he works and wants to relax on weekends.
"SIGH" "Deep Breath"
Maybe because I was so busy for two months with everything going on.
Maybe I'm just tired of the same old grind.
Maybe I'm tired of being alone ALL day every day. I am NOT blaming him for anything. He does have to work.
I feel like my life is just one vicious circle.
Here is a summary of my daily life: Get up. Brush Teeth. Get Dressed. Do chores. Pray. Surf Internet. Watch TV. Hubby comes home. I cook. Clean dishes. We sit and watch TV until we go to bed. The next morning it starts all over again unless I have an appointment or something.
I tell Hubby my feelings of the walls moving in on me is NOT his FAULT. I need to deal with my own demons.
I think what about him? He gets up early and goes to work. He comes home. Does lawn work in summer. Checks his email and play his game until Supper. After supper, sometimes he goes back on computer or he'll sit and watch TV while on the computer when he does not fall asleep which is very often. He eventually goes to bed and then HIS day starts all over.
So I think. What can I do to change this?
I can blog more. About what though? My life is boring as you can see. Yes I know I am lucky I have family and what I have. That is not the issue!
I am not one to shop. Besides we don't have enough money for me to go shopping all the time. Window shopping is boring. OH! I hate shopping. Also, I have to drive 10 miles to get to the city.
I have volunteered for Hospice but with my dad's appointments etc I have to put that on hold. I'm okay with that. Family comes first.
My friends work or they are too far.
I could clean house more but what fun is that?
I have been reading a lot. It takes me places I dream of going.
I sometimes just go outside and sit on the steps when it is not raining or scorching hot. It does make me feel better. Sometimes.
I keep telling hubby I need a golf cart or something so I can move around the huge yard we have. He laughs but I'm serious. He said once that is all he needs one more thing to worry about with me.
Only if we had the moolah...But it would still take convincing everyone I'll be fine.
I feel bad that he worries about me. Sheesh my daughter even worries about me. Why does everyone worry about me? Okay I can understand somewhat. But as I tell BabyGirl, no use worrying over something that could or could not happen. It'll drive you crazy.
I know everyone has felt this way in one time of their life. How did you deal with it?
So sorry this is all over the place. All the experts say to write what you are feeling. So there it is!
Thanks for stopping by! Don't be shy! Comment even if you have to say I am crazy...because there is a bit of truth in that. Don't tell Hubby I admitted that!
Until next time.
