Just When My Life Was Moving Along Happily

I keep meaning to write, actually I have drafts and just can't seem to finish them. I wanted to write all about my Vegas trip and just not in the mood.

It seems every time I am happy and things seem to be going right, something goes wrong. I thought 2012 was going to be so much better. Afterall, I got married to MyLove, we have new cars not to worry about, my health issues can be stabilized if I am a good patient  etc.

However, I was hit with something so unexpected. BabyGirl told me that she is planning on moving 100 miles away to her girlfriend's parents home in May. She has been transferring her college and work to there. She was going to tell me before I left for my trip but she didn't want to ruin my trip.

I have cried so much. I am not quite understanding why.. At first, it was that I felt like she was leaving me again. As days passed I have been able to think. Still have not pinpointed my emotions.

I know it is rough for her financially and stress. But she has options, move in with me, move in her dad, stay at the dorm etc. But she is moving  in with her girlfriend's FAMILY.  I think if she would have said her and her girlfriend was finding a place and moving in togehter, I think I would have been able to swallow it better. But to move in with her girlfriend's family? Geez. 

If I lived with my parents I I would have not even thought about asking them if my boyfriend could move in. They would have thought I was crazy! And if Babygirl was living here and she would have asked if her girlfriend could have moved in, I would have thought her crazy.

Her reasoning for moving shows how she is still immature in so many ways. I understand they had not been able to see each other and all that love stuff but dammit her focus should be on COLLEGE. She is only 19. Her opportunities are endless here, she just needs to grab it. The college she will be transferring to is not as good for the major she is working towards. She loses her scholarhip. She says she can get others and grants.

We all want the BEST for our kids. I know I raised her right and she is going to do what she wants. As the days go by I keep coming up with reasons why she should not make that mistake. But I've written her a letter and she knows where I stand.

I have been asking myself, what could I have done better. I have this unrational feeling of blaming myself..

Ever since I have left her father, she has not had her feet planted on the ground. She left me and moved to her dad's a few years later and as soon as she got there, she counted the days to get out of there. When she finally moved out, it was into an apartment for a semester with a roommate she didn't know well.. Then she again moved to another apartment with a different room mate. Now she is moving 100 miles away.

It's a pattern, she doesn't like something, she moves.without even thinking of the people around her involved. I don't mean just me.

I know I can't stop her. I know she is making a mistake and has to learn from it. I know it is her choice.

I am beginning to resent her girlfriend. I love her and accepted this relationship. However, I have to wonder who initiated this "BRIGHT" idea. I always considered her girlfriend a little more mature and responsible but I have to admit, that consideration is going down the tubes rapidly. I know it is unfair because in the end it is Babygirl's decision.
  
I started thinking about love and relationships. Here is something I came up with. 

If YOU really love someone, you want the very BEST for him/her You will do anything for them even if it is meant to put your heart on hold. You sacrifice when you know it is best for your loved one. You support them in what is BEST for YOUR loved one, NOT yourself. There are long distance relationships that thrive.  After your loved one has the opportunity to do what is BEST for them, if it is meant to be, it will be. Prove that you really love that person by allowing them to take that opportunity, even if if it hurts. Realize when your loved one accomplishes their goal with your support, it could make the love you have stronger.


Does this make any sense at all? Or am I just babbling?


I've cried and thought about this so much I am tired of thinking about it.