Wish Ex Would Stay Out of My Dream

It's 5 am and I woke up royally ticked off.

See, my ex was in my dream. Well, I think you can say it was a nightmare. 

The dream started that I was at a family reunion and we were hungry but the stew was not cooked.  My mom sent me to the store but when I came back everyone was eating. When I went to serve, there was no rice. 

I asked Mom what WTF was going on. 

She said, "I don't know. Everyone started eating". I said, "Well gee, I didn't get any and I'm hungry." She concurred that she was hungry too.

Then EX comes with our BabyGirl and demanded we needed to leave. I said, "Well the food is gone so I guess there was nothing to stay for.

We get back to the house that I had never lived in or recalled seeing. The three of us were joking and laughing.

All of a sudden, he tells BabyGirl to go to her room because mommy and daddy needed to talk. As always in my dreams, she was about 5-6 years old.

She leaves and he announces that if I don't get my stuff together in two weeks, he is leaving me and he was taking BabyGirl.

I asked him what he was talking about. He accused me of having an affair that he had caught me and I had promised I wouldn't talk to any of them again. HUH? I insisted that I never had an affair and he was crazy and couldn't prove in court. 

He pulls out letters that appears to be love letters between this guy and I. I argued I did not write those letters and this guy I have no clue who it was. Ex insisted that it was mine. I became very angry and irritated and shouted he was losing his mind.

We went back and forth defending our own case. He told me he already had a lawyer. His name was King Kangaroo. This is no joke. I am laughing now about that one.

Then his past verbal abuse started again. But it was at the stage where I used to fight back telling him to leave me alone and he needed to get a grip. 

BabyGirl reappears crying saying she did not want us to break up because she would be divided. I told her no she would still have us but separately.

Then Ex told me that I could have the house but he was going to sue me for the rest. I told him I didn't have anything else. He started ranting like he used to about nothing at all.

I woke up infuriated because after all these years of finally not having those kind of dreams occurred for no apparent reason. I have had no contact with him since BabyGirl's accident. He has not done anything to irritate me. I had resigned myself of not letting him, thoughts or anger into my life an more than necessary and I've been having a pretty good life. 

I knew I had to write this down so I can get it out of my head faster. MyLove was still here and I told him about my nightmare, He just shook his head and said it was only a dream I know it was only a  dream but having vivid upsetting dreams like that get to me and I always wonder why I dream what I dream. Because some can be so off the wall.

So I guess I'll mosey back into my bed and have better dreams to override this nightmare.

Thanks for stopping by and write something if you wish. I love to read my reader's comments.

Tis My Cajun Life

God Give Me Strength

I know I said I wasn't going to waste my blog writing about the negativity my ex brings. But I guess its theraapy to write. Also my readers support me and give me useful advice sometimes. I would love everyone to read my blog but if some don't or don't want to put their two cents, its their choice. I'm okay with that.

About a week or so my ex called me. Here's how it went. Phone rings, my ID shows Idiot(HIS LAST NAME). Yes I DO have that on my phone.  I sigh but curiousity seeps in and answer, "Hello".

He responds, "Hello, how are you?"

I mistakenly ask, "Okay, you?

 He responds with the answer resembling fingernails scratching on a blackboard, "Oh you know,  living in paradise."

I bite tongue and say, "So, what do you want?"

I could tell he was trying to word it nicely so he started, "Do you know about BABYGIRL buying a moped?"

I say, "Yea."

He then asks, "Do you know she is planning on going to Houma to see (Her GIrlfriend)?

I said I did.

He then says, "How do you feel about it?"

I said, "Well, she is 19 and..." DIAL TONE. Every damn time he calls me or we try to talk, he hangs up on me. Lately his wife has been mediator." Poor soul. If he would have allowed me to finish, the rest would have been "I have concerns too."

But, I having faith in all people, have this false hope that it was just a disconnection and he'll call back. Right?

I wait for about a minute and call his phone. His wife answers. I was taken aback which really I shouldn't have been. But anyway, I said I called (Asshole's) phone. She said, "I know but you hit a nerve!"

Patience wore out and I went off, "Me, hit a nerve? I could not say anything. Listen to me." I went over exactly what transpired. She said, "Well I don't know". I heard noise in the background that told me I was on speaker.

She gave me their concerns which equates to mine but as I said, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? She is out from under our roofs. She is technically an adult." She proceeds to plead their case and I knew exactly where she was coming from but they were like me, had no answer.

WIFE and I had a civil conversation. Before I hung up, I told THEM since we were seperated, every single time (NO EXAGERRATION here) he called me, he hangs up on me and I AM TIRED of it. SHE apologized for him and I DID NOT accept it. I told her I pitied her because she is yet to see the side of him that caused us to divorce.

She shared what their attempts of resolution would be. I just told them to do what they thought needed to be done. I thought as I was hearing what she was proposing that they're going at it the wrong way.  But didn't offer any advice. It was more like uh huh, hmm..We ended the conversation shortly there after.

After I hung up I thought about the whole conversation. We all have legitimate concerns. I worry  and put her in God's hands. She knows my concerns and she knows I am always here for her.

I also thought about IDIOT. I thought why do I keep letting him in my life? There is NO reason to talk to him anymore . She is an adult. I hope when I see his name on my phone again I have the strength to just let it ring.

Do Not Allow Him In My Life.

Nightmare

I had a dream that my ex reeled me back. He kept saying it was good for Layla (around 7 years old then) and we could make it. So I left my boyfriend who's  name was Harry. Harry was tall, brown hair with a curled moustache. As my ex and I were going eat before going to  Layla's tournament. He started telling me he didn't love me, I was a bitch, he hated me, etc. I was shocked and Layla was in the backseat at verge of tears. I told him he could wait when Layla wasn't there. Evidently we went eat but I can't remember where or what. The nightmare switches to us going to this stadium which was a building that looked like a place I have been but can't point out at this moment from the outside. There was a huge parking lot surrounding the building. The inside was huge and shaped like a circle.  So Layla was doing her routines which one that I clearly remember was to take a ball size of a tennis ball, pick it up with her mouth and throw it in a maze to go through the hole. I had made a point to write down where we had parked so we could remember.

Brenda(his wife now) shows up and ex tells me that he is no longer going to be with me. He was moving back with Brenda. I told him he made me to believe that he wanted me back. I broke up with my boyfriend for him and I had really loved him but since ex was my child's father I wanted to try again. He kept loving on Brenda hugging and kissing her. I said, "Fine." I was so hurt and angry I wanted to get out of there. I hugged Layla and told her I''d see her later. So I walked and walked and walked searching for my car but it wasn't there.

I ran into Layla and she said she thought I had gone. I told her I couldn't find the car so she came with me. No car. We get back and ex told Layla it was time to go so go get her things. As she went he asked me why I was still there. I told him I've been looking for my car but its not there. He snickered and said, "Well you better find it i you want to go home." I asked if he moved it. He said maybe. Then I woke up.
Nitpicking: I would never take ex back.  No ifs, and or butts. He never really called me names like that but that feeling was raw as ever.

Harry: Never had a boyfriend named Harry nor anyone who looked like him. I do have a friend's husband name Harry and I consider him as a great friend.
Lost car and Layla being younger is a never ending recurring dream.

The game was similar to the one on Survivor the other day.

Tis My Cajun Life

Dreams

I've always had weird dreams. I try to understand them because they are suppose to have some meaning.  I started documenting what  I remember on my LJ. So I figured I'll write them here too. Who knows? Maybe someone can give me an explanation of the meaning of them that I can agree with. I've read several books and articles giving the meaning of dreams but I either can't find my theme of my dream or if I do find something, I feel it does not pertain to me.

 The themes of my dreams usually stay constant. It's either, I lost my car, I can't find my daughter, Layla, Layla is always younger or I am at school or college and I miss the class.

When my ex and I were separated I always dreamed of him taking Layla or coming after me trying to kill me. Those dreams were understanding because he and I had a bad marriage for the last 10 years (We were married for 24). He had a temper and mentally abused us. He threatened he would win Layla during custody battle, which he didn't.

My dreams are sometimes jumbled or like a slide show without any ending. One dream stops abruptly and the other starts.

Last night I dreamed that I walked 15 miles (Anyone who knows me there would be no way I could walk 15 miles) and met up with my friend, Bee. It was getting ready to rain so she told me to get in her car. She had to do some errands and we ended up what seemed like a auto parts shop. Another friend, Bonnie was there. Bee and Bonnie were talking and then Bee and I left. Bee asked if I wanted her to drive me home. I told her I didn't want her to go out o her way. Then I said wait let me see where Layla is. So I called Layla, she would answer but we would get disconnected. Finally, we stayed connected until we were finished. I asked where she was and I said on the other side of Lewis Street. She asked me what I was doing there. I told her I was walking. I told her to come get me. Bee  interrupted and said she would bring me home..that dream ended and then another one began.

The next dream was that I was sick and going to the doctor. Layla was driving and I was giving her directions. When we got to a certain point, everything changed. It was like more buildings and more streets. We kept meeting dead ends. So I got in the car and went the opposite direction and we finally found it. But it was 15 minutes after closing time and my doctor had left. Layla started demanding workers to find me a doctor. My regular doctor's partner shows up and asks what's wrong.  I started telling him and then the dream ended and blended into the next dream.

  The whole team was missing perfectly thrown balls. The announcer was a tall dude standing by our dugout. He looked familiar but I can't place him. Anyway, he had the headset on and calling the plays and giving statistics. However, there were was no paper or computer screens anywhere for him to read from. I thought, "Wow, he is just saying these statistics and information out of his head." I also saw tacos in that dream but I don't remember exactly what it was about.I finally woke up.

I wake up tired and Randal, my domestic partner who I adore, says no wonder I'm tired, I am always walking or running. He says I need to dream of something calm like the beach. Yea, right..I only wish.

This IS My Life!