Wednesday, October 15, 2014

I'm Struggling to Figure Out What I Want To Do

I am struggling to figure out what God is trying to tell me. I get excited about things then when I look into it, there is always an obstacle or something happens that makes me think is this really for me?

Maybe I don't have as much confidence in myself than I thought.  

Maybe that one thing is really NOT for me. 

I feel like I know what I want to do but I can't seem to get there. 

So glad my mom is not reading this because she would bop me in the head (Not really but you know what I mean) and say something like "can't' is not in your vocabulary.

Here's a brief summary.

I signed up to be a volunteer, went through the background check, referrals and waited for this meeting.  I was expecting to walk out of there knowing exactly what I will be doing and start from there.

However, that was not the case. I sat for two hours listening to the speaker. He did give us guidance and pointers but it wasn't what I expected.

Then he said we had to pray on it for 7-10 days  or however long it takes while reading the booklet that gives details and then if we decide if this is what I want to do, to fill out the application and return it to him. He did say if we had any questions to call for an appointment.

I thought wait a minute, I go through the process of becoming a volunteer and now I need to fill out yet another application for this department. I may or may not be selected. I can take rejection so that isn't the problem. It's just becoming more complicated than I thought.

I totally understand they need to make sure we are capable of doing it. As he went through some of the few details he touched on, I'm like OMG I want to do it but can I do it?

He gave each of us an application for in case we want to do it.  I don't like one of the question because although it is a yes or no question. I need to elaborate on that answer. Maybe it is not a necessity but I feel like I want to defend that answer. But is my defense justifiable?

When I started this process I looked at my options and this option from the start was iffy. However, I've had several people tell me with my experiences of life I would be ideal for this.

I am trying to figure if God is telling me to do this and I am just not listening and it is why I am struggling.

Or Maybe my first instinct was right and I need to sway from that area and move on to another area?



2 comments:

  1. I hope you find your answers. I just finished my Vincentian training and it has already been hard not being able to help as many people as I hoped as quickly as I could. The idea that I have to tell someone that I cannot get them off the streets that night are just killing my heart.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Pam. Congratulations on completing your training. You need to remember, we can't help the whole world but we do make a difference with just one person.

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