Monday, September 7, 2015

Life Is Sometimes A Vicious Circle

I am sure we have felt like this before. I am so afraid to say this because it could change so quickly.

But here it is: I've felt like I'm in a rut the past few days.

I told Hubby we need to start doing something on weekends besides go to church, watch TV and play video games. He asked what. I had no answer. We've had this conversation many times. It ends up the same. We don't know.

I feel guilty saying that because I know he works and wants to relax on weekends.

"SIGH" "Deep Breath"

Maybe because I was so busy for two months with everything going on.

Maybe I'm just tired of the same old grind.

Maybe I'm tired of being alone ALL day every day. I am NOT blaming him for anything. He does have to work.

I feel like my life is just one vicious circle.

Here is a summary of my daily life: Get up. Brush Teeth. Get Dressed. Do chores. Pray. Surf Internet. Watch TV. Hubby comes home. I cook. Clean dishes. We sit and watch TV until we go to bed. The next morning it starts all over again unless I  have an appointment or something.

I tell Hubby my feelings of the walls moving in on me is NOT his FAULT.  I need to deal with my own demons.

I think what about him? He gets up early and goes to work. He comes home. Does lawn work in summer. Checks his email and play his game until Supper. After supper, sometimes he goes back on computer or he'll sit and watch TV while on the computer when he does not fall asleep which is very often. He eventually goes to bed and then HIS day starts all over.

So I think. What can I do to change this?

I can blog more. About what though? My life is boring as you can see. Yes I know I am lucky I have family and what I have. That is not the issue!

I am not one to shop. Besides we don't have enough money for me to go shopping all the time. Window shopping is boring. OH! I hate shopping. Also, I have to drive 10 miles to get to the city.

I have volunteered for Hospice but with my dad's appointments etc I have to put that on hold. I'm okay with that. Family comes first.

My friends work or they are too far.

I could clean house more but what fun is that?

I have been reading a lot. It takes me places I dream of going.

I sometimes just go outside and sit on the steps when it is not raining or scorching hot.  It does make me feel better. Sometimes.

I keep telling hubby I need a golf cart or something so I can move around the huge yard we have. He laughs but I'm serious. He said once that is all he needs one more thing to worry about with me.

Only if we had the moolah...But it would still take convincing everyone I'll be fine.

I feel bad that he worries about me. Sheesh my daughter even worries about me. Why does everyone worry about me? Okay I can understand somewhat. But as I tell BabyGirl, no use worrying over something that could or could not happen. It'll drive you crazy.

I know everyone has felt this way in one time of their life. How did you deal with it?

So sorry this is all over the place. All the experts say to write what you are feeling. So there it is!

Thanks for stopping by! Don't be shy! Comment even if you have to say I am crazy...because there is a bit of truth in that. Don't tell Hubby I admitted that!

Until next time.

8 comments:

  1. If it weren't for reading and the beach, I'd go crazy. I do completely understand what you're feeling. Just try to keep smiling!! XX

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    1. Sorry you understand what I am feeling. But you go enjoy your beach! Thanks Barb! xx

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  2. My husband works like crazy all the time, and wants to relax when he comes home. (At least when he doesn't have to work from home.) But he is very happy when I plan something to do. It might be seeing a sight in the neighborhood--a local museum or a talk at the library. Or every once in a while, we play a board game or work a puzzle together. Or maybe listen to a book together. That's fun and gives us something to look forward to and talk about. Just doing one thing different can have a big effect.

    But if I may, when you step back from the big picture, I think you're having a let down from the intense time you've been having with your father. And you sound depressed. And that's an appropriate feeling as you have to deal with aging parents and contemplate all that that means. At least, that's how it is for me. I've been dealing with aging parents for a few years now and it's hard. Very hard. Good luck. I think you will find the mood will lift, or at least go in cycles. In the meantime, I think it never hurts to talk to someone-- a friend or a professional.

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    1. Don't get me wrong, we are like two peas in a pod and I'm generally okay with our life. I did suggest to him that we visit a few areas around time. We do go a matinee sometimes and just going dine out helps.

      You hit the nail on depression and I was thinking same thing about the let down but couldn't come up with the words. Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful. I do talk to my husband about feelings and I do plan to talk to my doctor about that and other things. Thanks for being my friend.

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    2. I think you're on the right track. Talking to your husband and your doctor. I also find great comfort in talking to my sisters who are going through the same thing with me. However, sometimes, we want to talk about something else, so it's still good to a source from the outside.

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    3. My Hubby does keep me grounded. MY sister is so busy and going through her own stuff that I don't bother want to bother her. Glad you have someone too.

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  3. Lisa,

    Life gets that way for everyone at times - in a rut more or less - the same-o same-o, day in and day out. I really don't think there's anyway around that.

    It does help to do something different once in a while, if the both of you can agree on the thing to do. Yes, I know very well you can't go shopping ALL the time. No one can - unless your rich. And we all know that won't happen to regular people. Maybe you should get a hobby to take up some of your free time and have some variety. I know you said you read. Have you thought about writing? And I mean more than blog posts. You could throw yourself into writing a story using what you know as a theme. Make up characters and places in your story drawing from things in your own life, That should be fairly easy to do. If you're real ambitious, you should enter the NANO, which is held the month of Nov every year. You right daily (at your own pace) and about whatever you want. The goal is to write 50,000 words by the end of the month. It's fun, yet intense, and will keep your mind very busy. There are no losers (even if you don't reach the goal of 50,000). It's just something to think about. I've done it the last three years and will probably do it this year too. Believe me, this will keep you busy enough that you aren't thinking about how boring your days are. They also have boards you can get on and get help with things you're stumped over as you go along. Everyone is very nice.

    I hope that helps. Life isn't always a picnic, but we have to keep moving forward and smiling until things get better again.

    Blessings,
    Sunni
    http://sunni-survivinglife.blogspot.com/

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    1. Yep, you got that right. It seems that way anyway. I have not heard of the NANO. It is like the A-Z Blog Challenge I gather. 50,000 words? WOW. Thanks for you suggestions and reading my blog..I'll look into the NANO.

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