First Criticism of my Writing

In my Creative writing class last week we had to write a description from a photo. It was hard for me to do. It was amazing how many different interpretations my classmates and I had. It was very interesting.

The Instructor, Mrs. LR, comments positively on our works. She prefers to build up our confidence with positivity than discourage us with negativity.

The photo was a man in a seat in the middle of a large room. He had something in his hand. But here's what I wrote:

In the center of the auditorium Jim sits leaning forward in the hard folding chair with his phone held tightly. He stares down to the concrete floor deep in thought.

Just a few hours ago he was ecstatic. Mary Ann had agreed to meet him after several weeks of persuasion. He was so happy. His heart was singing.

Jim had hurriedly dressed into his jeans and flannel shirt. Simultaneously he slipped his sandals and grabbed his keys and phone.

When he arrived, Mary Ann had not shown up yet. Becoming nervous, Jim trembled and mumbled to himself. However, the little experience he had with women , he knew they tended to be fashionably late.

He wandered around deep in thought. After a while, he sat conspicuously on the chair that is at the dead center of the room. As the sun shines through he continues to wait. His mind begins to reel. Minutes have become hours. It is driving him insane.

The third hour approaches and the realization that she is not coming sets in. He fidgets and looks around. He stares at the phone wishing it to ring. It doesn't.

A slew of emotions being to overtake his mind and spirit. He starts questioning what went wrong. What was he blind to? What made her change her mind? What did he say? What did he do?

He had tried so hard. What could he have done differently?

As he sits feeling defeated, his spirit is broken. He is once again returning to the deep hole of despair. There is no where to go so he just stays sitting.

I know I have a lot of work to be better and I did say I didn't particular care for the assignment. Her comments were:

Good strong character development one that many can relate to.
Excellent usage of descriptive phrases.
Outstanding usage of adverbs and adjectives.
Good way to create setting
Good job with setting your tone!

Thanks for reading and commenting if you choose to do so :)

The unknown resides opposite the strict plant.