Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Friendships: Lessons Learned

I want to thank all of you for your support and advice you gave me for my last post. I was in a tornado of emotions and had been for a few days.

My friend read the post and responded. They apologized and we both owned up to our share of responsibility.

I don't think neither one of us had any idea what kind of toll it brought to the other.   It is a good possibility we never will. But there is sort of truce between us.

However, the dynamics of the friendship has changed drastically. I can only say how I feel and see it.

It saddens me and it continues to weigh on my heart. I am sure the weight will lift in time.

I believe every conflict teaches a lesson. And believe me, I have learned a few.

Never ever volunteer advice about their other friends no matter how much they rant about them. When they do ask, be positive. 

Choose your words carefully in whatever you say. When you are frustrated, it is the perfect time to NOT say anything at all, no matter how badly you have the need to say it. Because if you do, it will come back and kick you in the butt eventually.

What you see as a clear solution may not be theirs. 

Although it seems like the two of you have many similarities, realize you have just as many differences.  Hence you react differently.

Keep your relationship separate from other friendships.

When it feels like you are going in circles and you keep repeating yourself, back off. Come to the realization that they are exactly where they want to be and obviously not ready or willing to change their situation. And it is okay if you need to remove yourself from it at some point for your own sanity.

LISTEN to what they are saying, literally. Be there for support only. 

Always remember there are two sides to a story and you are only hearing one side. Never assume. And try not to be be misled. Sometimes what it seems may not be what it is. 

Remember it is their life and they need to fall just like you have. Be there to help them up. 

I feel like I have overanalyzed this far too much. I have thought about this much more than I should. I have read too many articles about friendships. A friendship should not be this hard, I often think. I have used too much energy and stressed myself out too much over this.

What is sorta ironic is when they read my post, they said they thought we were okay. Not sure how they got that out of short curt emails and I dare not assume anything at this point.

I need to do what they often told me. Give it some time. I guess we shall see.

1 comment:

  1. good communication tips. Glad to hear this issue is progressing; I think you're right, time will tell. and I always wonder if any friendship should be "hard" too. It seems my most rewarding friendships are the simple ones that don't seem to require effort; that are so effortless I never even have to give them a thought....

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