Yesterday I went see yet a new doctor for a persistent new problem. When I was given the potential diagnosis and the treatment I starting seeing the black hole swallowing me. I tried thinking I need to just wait for other test results.
But on the other hand regardless of the results I'm just tired of it all. I have no clue how much more my body can take.
I needed to talk to someone. Hubby was my first thought but he was at work. I didn't want to call BabyGirl because I know how much she worries about me already and didn't want to wake her up. So I called my dependable mom but I got her answering machine. I left her message with me half crying so I wasn't sure if she understood me or not. I came home and wrote my sister a note because I know she sometimes know where Mom is and will call her until she contacts her.
The whole day passed. I had to return to the office to get more MRIs. Of course, when I was having the MRI, my mom left me a message that she had talked to my sister. She loved me and was there for me anytime and anywhere. Everything would be okay and we'll get through this too.
When I returned home I called her. She could tell I was losing it. I was frustrated. I was scared. I was angry. She said, "Let it out." I sobbed uncontrollably until I couldn't anymore. She talked me down and she encouraged me as she always does. I wish I had a stronger faith as she does.
Isn't it awesome that mothers just know what their kids need at a given time?
I hope and pray I am at least half of the mother she is.
Until next time
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