Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Just When My Life Was Moving Along Happily

I keep meaning to write, actually I have drafts and just can't seem to finish them. I wanted to write all about my Vegas trip and just not in the mood.

It seems every time I am happy and things seem to be going right, something goes wrong. I thought 2012 was going to be so much better. Afterall, I got married to MyLove, we have new cars not to worry about, my health issues can be stabilized if I am a good patient  etc.

However, I was hit with something so unexpected. BabyGirl told me that she is planning on moving 100 miles away to her girlfriend's parents home in May. She has been transferring her college and work to there. She was going to tell me before I left for my trip but she didn't want to ruin my trip.

I have cried so much. I am not quite understanding why.. At first, it was that I felt like she was leaving me again. As days passed I have been able to think. Still have not pinpointed my emotions.

I know it is rough for her financially and stress. But she has options, move in with me, move in her dad, stay at the dorm etc. But she is moving  in with her girlfriend's FAMILY.  I think if she would have said her and her girlfriend was finding a place and moving in togehter, I think I would have been able to swallow it better. But to move in with her girlfriend's family? Geez. 

If I lived with my parents I I would have not even thought about asking them if my boyfriend could move in. They would have thought I was crazy! And if Babygirl was living here and she would have asked if her girlfriend could have moved in, I would have thought her crazy.

Her reasoning for moving shows how she is still immature in so many ways. I understand they had not been able to see each other and all that love stuff but dammit her focus should be on COLLEGE. She is only 19. Her opportunities are endless here, she just needs to grab it. The college she will be transferring to is not as good for the major she is working towards. She loses her scholarhip. She says she can get others and grants.

We all want the BEST for our kids. I know I raised her right and she is going to do what she wants. As the days go by I keep coming up with reasons why she should not make that mistake. But I've written her a letter and she knows where I stand.

I have been asking myself, what could I have done better. I have this unrational feeling of blaming myself..

Ever since I have left her father, she has not had her feet planted on the ground. She left me and moved to her dad's a few years later and as soon as she got there, she counted the days to get out of there. When she finally moved out, it was into an apartment for a semester with a roommate she didn't know well.. Then she again moved to another apartment with a different room mate. Now she is moving 100 miles away.

It's a pattern, she doesn't like something, she moves.without even thinking of the people around her involved. I don't mean just me.

I know I can't stop her. I know she is making a mistake and has to learn from it. I know it is her choice.

I am beginning to resent her girlfriend. I love her and accepted this relationship. However, I have to wonder who initiated this "BRIGHT" idea. I always considered her girlfriend a little more mature and responsible but I have to admit, that consideration is going down the tubes rapidly. I know it is unfair because in the end it is Babygirl's decision.
I started thinking about love and relationships. Here is something I came up with. 

If YOU really love someone, you want the very BEST for him/her You will do anything for them even if it is meant to put your heart on hold. You sacrifice when you know it is best for your loved one. You support them in what is BEST for YOUR loved one, NOT yourself. There are long distance relationships that thrive.  After your loved one has the opportunity to do what is BEST for them, if it is meant to be, it will be. Prove that you really love that person by allowing them to take that opportunity, even if if it hurts. Realize when your loved one accomplishes their goal with your support, it could make the love you have stronger.

Does this make any sense at all? Or am I just babbling?

I've cried and thought about this so much I am tired of thinking about it.



  1. It's not wrong to want what's best for your kids but they are going to do what they want anyway. All you can do it let her learn from her mistakes, offer her advice if she asks for it, and show her how stable her "home" is if she needs to come back. I feel for you. I know it hurts. If it works for her great. If not, she'll be back. Hugs!

  2. sandra francescattiDecember 20, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    I agree with bouncin Barb. We all want the best for our kids, but sometimes you have to let them do what they think is right. That is how they learn. 100 miles away isn't that far, of course that is coming from someone who lives 1400 miles away from her family.
    They have to learn on their own. Look at it as a learning experience for her. She is still very young and has a lot to learn in life. Just let her know that you will always be there for her.
    Remember 2012 will be an awesome year for you. You have many friends who will be there for you to talk when you need to. She will only be a phone call away :)

  3. Sandra, THanks for stopping by and giving me your support and advice. Everyone is telling me the same thing and I'm trying so hard to accept it. You are so right about my many friends who are always there for me. I appreciate each and everyone of you. Have a Merry Christmas!

  4. I know how you feel. I've been going through much the same with my 18 yr old son. He moved 500 miles from here the end of Oct to our homestate. Not sure how things are going to work out. All you can do is offer help as they ask for it and take it day by day... hard to do.. I am learning how to to do that.

  5. Sherry, she and I are talking more and I am starting to understand why although I have that trouble letting go. But she has said some things that have reassured me that she did think things out. I have to believe and do believe she will be okay. Thanks for reading and commenting. I hope it works out for your son! Hugs!

  6. Love's a bit more complicated than sacrificing and letting your loved one do what they have to with your support. It's not right for what they're doing to step on your toes. You have to learn how to love yourself and stand up for yourself before you can really love someone. Otherwise, that person will walk all over you and you won't be able to do anything because that person is too busy stomping on you. You let your loved one do things within reason. In a relationship, it's not just your loved one. It's you too. Sacrifices should be made but at the same time, you should try to only sacrifice what you can and not what you can't. If you sacrifice too much, you might lose yourself and therefore lose what belongs to you and the relationship.

    Or maybe I'm just selfish. I'm not sure what my words have to do with BabyGirl and her issue. I think she's crazy doing this, considering she only has 2 and a half years left and sometimes credits don't transfer so now she'll be in college longer. I don't think transferring to another college to be next to your loved one is a good idea but I understand missing your loved one in a long distance relationship. So I'm not sure I understand what BabyGirl is thinking, but odds are she's too stubborn to be stopped. She might be making things harder for herself, but it's hard to tell. Oh, and sometimes the dorm is more expensive than apartments. It is at my college, that's why I'm moving to an apartment next year.

    However, it sounds like you have more anxiety of her leaving you. Do you think she's going to leave a whole in your heart? Just because she's a hundred miles away doesn't mean she won't keep you locked in a special place in her heart. And please remember, the older a child gets, the more socially important peers become and the less socially important parents become (but parents are still important in many other ways). It might be hard to stomach, but it's sort of necessary so the future generations can learn to live on their own, but that's a different story altogether. At least in this individualistic culture of ours.

  7. HANNAH!! You are so grown up. You have some very awesome valid points. Check your email. (Do you realize that your Contact Me does not work? Just letting you know :) Love you..we need to have a a get together..when are you home for Christmas?

  8. i don't know how it feels like for a love one to move away from me but i couldn't imagine how sad it would be if it happens so i feel for you. and i do think she should focus on her studies first before anything else.

  9. Erwin, I hope you never do. Thanks for your compassion and support. It means alot! Have a Merry Christmas!


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