Wednesday, December 1, 2010

CockRoach Stand-Off

I am sure all of you had a version of a stand off with a cockroach.

Here’s my latest. We don’t have many where I live, thankfully.

 It’s not the easiest thing to get in and out of a bathtub for me. I can’t raise my leg up like most of you and without a handrail on the tub itself it’s a hit or miss as I brace myself with a hand on the wall or toilet to step into the tub so I do have to pay attention. (Luckily for me after 48 years I've figured it out for it to work 99.9% of the time. YEA ME!)

There were those times I was too tired or just not thinking and not paying attention. I don’t have enough fingers to count the times I fell somehow, and hit my head on the toilet or tub. I’ve slid right down onto my butt. I’ve pulled muscles in my arms, back and legs scrambling to catch something to stay upright as I go down. Never broke anything though! God is with me!

You get the picture, I hope.

The other night I undressed to take a shower. I know for a fact I looked down into the bathtub and all was clear. I stepped into the tub.  I put on the hot water, let it run then I turned on the cold water. All was good. After the water temperature was my preferred setting I grabbed my handheld showerhead and started showering.

After a few minutes I looked down and saw something brown move swiftly under my foot. I have an arch where some of my foot doesn’t touch the ground. I lift my leg slightly up and there’s this brown cockroach!

I yelp and swiftly jumped back just as the cockroach went the same direction. I hurriedly skipped  the opposite way and it turned my way and a yelp escaped me again. I thought, “Oh yea! I’m gonna get your little ass!” and directed the shower head streaming with water directly at it.

I could see it trying to swim but I kept the shower head on it so it couldn’t get its footing. My position was a little weird for me so for a millisecond I moved the shower head away as I repositioned.

Cockroach got its footing and went towards the back corner and I thought, “Oh, no you don’t!” I berated our bathroom layout thinking why isn’t the toilet paper around so I can grab it and squish it or even a shoe? Of course, I never thought of a can of shaving cream or bottle of shampoo that was right in from me. That was just too easy.

So I whispered, “You are going drown!” with a fleeting thought roaches actually like water.

But with determination, I positioned my shower head on the roach again and thought, “DIE! DIE! DISGUSTING! EWWWWWWW! EWWWWWWWWW!” Shivers.

A memory came to me fleetingly when one day my daughter and I lived in our apartment 20 miles away. She was in the bathroom and just started screaming. One of those screams that a parent hears and thinks there is something dreadfully wrong.  But when I ran into the bathroom she was standing on the toilet still screaming pointing at a roach. I can’t remember where it was. But she did not stop screaming until the roach was dead.

My child would climb chairs and stand on anything she can find if she saw a roach but she wasn’t afraid of snakes. Go figure.

Anyway as I was dousing the roach with a fast flowing water stream I vowed I would not be hysterical like her and my mission became critical.

I started moving the water like a blower to move leaves. I had to skip twice (Praying, DON’T FALL) to get opposite of him but finally…I got it to go down the drain.


I finish my shower scanning the drain periodically.

When I walked  into the living room fresh and clean, I ask MY LOVE if he did not hear me yelp. He said, “Yea, but I didn’t hear you again so I figured you were okay.”

I thought,” I am glad I wasn’t seriously hurt.” But then thought, “It’s your own fault, Ms. Independent. How many times have you made noise and he comes running and you tell him, gee, don’t worry about me so much, I hardly hurt myself.” “SIGH”

Guess the roach went visit someone else because he has not been seen since.

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