Thursday, January 6, 2011

To Marry Or Not To Marry

To Marry or Not To Marry

My Love and I have been living together going on four years When we met it had been a few years since our divorce from others and we were not ready at all. We knew we wanted to be together but we saw no reason to marry.

I was terrified and still am. I was married 24 years before I divorced my ex. After 10 years, our marriage just fell apart. I have my theories why but won't get into them now.

My Love and I have mentioned it and discussed it some from time to time.

I would love to get married to him. I do plan on spending the rest of my life with him.

Just recently he brought up marriage again. I didn't take it well the way he said it. We were discussing medical and dental. He said we could get married and I'd be on his insurance without any waiting period. I got defensive and just dropped the subject.

Here are my thoughts:

Religion: We're both Catholic. I was married in a Catholic church so in order to marry My Love in a Catholic Church I would have to get my other marriage annulled which means a lot of red tape and money. We don't need to get married in church we've decided. If we marry by Justice of the Peace, we're still not looked at as married in the Catholic Church's 'laws.” So in the religious aspect, according to the church, we are doomed. I believe that God loves us and wants the best for us. I think THE CHURCH as in POPE and whoever else makes the rules are way behind the times.

Financially: Well we decided to leave our income/expenses as they are now. Separate. Been there/done that with the uniting financially after marriage and I will never do it again. However as far as wills or deaths, it would be easier to for the us to be spouses to go through the legal aspects. I could get on his dental/medical insurance and it wouldn't be so financially straining on me.

Children: He never had kids and he does not want any. I have one and can't have any more. We're too old to think about adopting.

Parents: I know my mom would feel a relief as well as his concerning the religious aspect. My mom and dad would be happy for us and probably relieved that I have someone with me. They love Randal. His mom would probably have that sense of relief as well. I know she has issues regarding my disability but I think its from ignorance more than anything else.

I've secretly wished for about a year when a holiday comes around he would ask me. I want him to ask me to marry him because he loves me not because he feels it is time or for the insurance. I won't bring it up because I want him to come up with it himself.

I was reading an article on Tango that prompted me to write this. I've been thinking a lot about it.

The title of the article was “If He Really Wants to Marry You, He'll Put a Ring On it.” The author used Hugh Hefner situation as an example and it made me think. The girl he spent 7 years with wanted to get married but he kept saying no so she left. Two years later, he decided to get married.

It says that most women believe men are not ready to be married so they wait. However, they say if he wants to MARRY you, they will know it and do it. I understand men and women reach that place different times but the question is how long do you wait to realize they actually do NOT want to marry YOU.

I dated this man and God I loved him. We didn't want marriage at the time but I did want a monogamous relationship with him. He kept saying he wasn't ready and honestly told me he didn't know when or if he would ever be ready. I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and moved on. Unsurprisingly, a few weeks ago he wrote that he thought he was ready for a monogamous relationship. I thought you Goddamn SOB! I was willing to give him the moon and stars.

So I don't know. My Love knows I love him and told him that I wasn't going anywhere. The thought occurred to me that when he brings it up, he might be testing me and trying to figure it out if I want to.

I do want to get married..for the right reasons.

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