My dream night before last started with Randal and I arriving at St. Marcellus Church, the church I grew up going to as well as where my daughter was an altar server. First of all, the parking lanes were different positions where they were before. Then the church was surrounded by portable buildings that linked together.
We entered what we thought was the church but although it looked like a church on the outside, it looked like a gym inside. I was bewildered and then my nephew ran up to us from what seems nowhere. He was around 7 years of age with his curly hair dribbling a basketball. He asked us to go play basketball. I thought why in the heck is there basketball. He offered an handicap of a few points if we played with him. I told him no, that we were here for mass. He said, “You are NO fun.” Scene change..
We walk to one of the portables that were on the side and there was a line of people going in. We got to the entrance where the holder of the holy water is to do the sign of the cross as you enter church. Randal and I dipped our finger in the holy water, did the sign of the cross and it was known to wait in line until everyone entered and did the sign of the cross. After everyone had entered the line of people walked near a confession booth. An obese man was directing us commanding that we stay in the same line, there would be no cutting or talking and we had to wait until EVERYONE finished each duty. I don't know what my confession was.
My dream skipped to us walking into the gym/church where we had began. Half of the gym was an altar with a huge cross of Jesus, bigger that I have ever seen. There were two kneelers around 5 feet long right in front of the altar withe kneeling. There were many people kneeling and of course we had to wait for everyone to finish. We found a place on the floor as we finished and waited for the others. As we waited, I whispered to MyLove, that this waiting was ridiculous. He loudly SHH's me! I continued to mumble. It just seemed like it was a very long ordeal in my dream.
Finally, after everyone was finished a man came to the altar and started his sermon. Don't remember the sermon but after, he said, “Let's eat.” Evidently we didn't know to bring anything to eat or drink but most of everyone else had a ice chest.
A young teenage boy approaches and told us we could buy our lunch so I gave him a twenty for two sandwiches and 2 cokes. He returns with the food and was about to walk off. I reminded him that I had change coming. He said he'll be back. He returns with 2 cokes and candy bars. I inquired what those were for. He said, “That's your change.” I said, “No! I want my 10+.” He retorted that I got my change pointing at the coke and candy. I was totally frustrated...and then I woke up..
Analysis: Maybe God is telling me he wants me to go to church more. However, if the church hadn't pretty much excommunicated us, we would go to church. But after I found out by a priest since a) I was married in a catholic church in order to be in “GOOD FAITH IN THE CHURCH”S EYES I would have to get it annulled to remarry again in the church. I understand that, been there and done that. But being MyLove and I are “living in sin” and having intimacy, the priest cannot absolute me from my sins because what I am doing is a sin and I would just turn around and commit the sin again. I understand that too.
However, they want $$$ for the annulment and I went through it after my first doomed marriage from the start. They ask many questions that I found was not any of their business WHATSOEVER. They could annul it or then they can reject it with my money, no refund. MyLove was married but not in a Catholic church so he has no worries except living with me in sin.
So I guess we are doomed to hell if it is the priest's decision. That conversation with the priest just turned us off. We feel it's nonproductive to go to mass. We read our bibles and I pray every morning and every night. I have the confidence to know GOD will accept us in his kingdom. I have God in MY heart. I don't need a priest to be the mediator.
I believe the Catholic Church needs to conform where our world is at now. I'm not saying to do away with the commandments, I'm just saying it's quite disturbing that a “MAN OF GOD” will tell me I will never be right with God if I continue to live in sin. Even if MyLove and I marry, which would be with the Justice of the Peace, in the Catholic Church's view, we are still doomed because of not having that piece of paper from the Diocese stating my marriage was anulled.
I don't think God would have wanted me to get married again and then it wouldn't work out and cause the pain,suffering and financial strain I went through my previous marriages and divorces. And I thought my last marriage was a good one at first, if I am honest,. However, the last years of the marriage was complete disastrous. It was so dysfunctional I cried every night after I left because I realized how bad it really was and God took his time in showing me what to do.But he did come through.
They wonder why people are leaving the Catholic Church. I can tell you numerous reasons but this wasn't started as a religion rant. I DO believe there is a God and always will.