Saturday, November 7, 2015

Gumby Visited After Baclofen Taken

I am alive. Just have not been in a state of mind to write anything.  My writing has not been the only thing neglected. Household chores were also way down on my list.

So what have I been up to? Since I was not feeling all that well for about a month, but seemed like years, i just sat in my chair, played Sporcle and read your blogs but not responding. 

I felt bad.It was one of those severely depressing times. 

My stomach and swallowing has been a problem. An esophageal dilation and colonoscopy were performed on me. Everything was fine or so they said. I was instructed to continue my Nexium and was started on Miralax. The Miralax worked somewhat but gave me more problems that solving part of my problem.

Unfortunately AFTER the procedure  my reflux came back threefold. I felt like I was worse off than before the procedures. I was frustrated and depressed.

The doctor (Nurse Practitioner) ordered a modified barium swallow. Those results showed my laryngeal muscles and tongue muscles were weak. I went through 3 months of speech therapy to strengthen my tongue and laryngeal muscles. Doctor  said the cause could be age plus my Cerebral Palsy (CP).

I am so tired of being told the  cause of most of everything I have is my Cerebral Palsy.  I can see how this is true but I keep asking myself I've had CP since I was 6 months, so why all of a sudden  these severe symptoms are popping up or those that I've had and able to manage suddenly go awry. Oh yea, right...I'm getting older. And i have CP.

The speech therapy has helped some. By the way my speech therapist was wonderful. She was honest and told me after 2 months that I was a big girl and doing the exercises, there is nothing else she can tell me.  I suspect the exercises will be a part of my life.

Then I was having pain in my arms, legs and chest as well. I went to my awesome Family Doctor and he said it could be stress. He said my neck was stiff as a board. Since I had other muscular problems he decided to give me a muscle relaxant which has helped most of his patients with CP. It was called Baclofen.

Not this patient!

It relaxed me alright. I felt like Gumby. However, all i did was sleep and when I got up, the room spun. I also passed out on Hubby 3 times in 5 days. I stopped the medication. Luckily the pain went away for the most part.

Nausea and  GERD was still off the charts. I was hardly eating because my stomach would hurt after I ate.   In turn, I lost weight. The hiccuping was crazy. So I called my GI doctor again. His nurse told me to take my prescription Nexium in the morning and get some OTC Nexium to take in the evening. It made no sense to me. If the stronger prescribed one isn't working, how could the less stronger OTC do the job

I think it is working somewhat. The lump in my throat comes and goes. I continue to have to watch very closely what I eat and how I eat.  I have too frequent bouts of hiccups. My GI doctor nor his Practitioner seem to want to deal with me. I hate their "Scripted' solutions. It seems they can't think outside the box.  I'm not in the mood of trying to find another one so I'm just moving along as best as I can.

So that is what I've been up to and why I've been MIA.

My dad is doing great. I brought him to his follow-up a week or two ago. He can get rid of the neck brace and resume daily activities. He was so excited he was nearly jumping out of the chair. I had never seen my dad so giddy. But I thank God for helping him heal and get on with his life.

BabyGirl got a new job. She was tired of being put on hold for another shift and they worked her to the bone. This job she will be more or less on her own visiting her clients individually. I don't have to tell you how proud I am.

Until next time....

720 words (That's what the counter said)

Monday, September 21, 2015

Two Little Strangers With Big Hearts

When I was at the hospital with Dad  I took a few trips to the cafeteria to buy Mom and I lunch.  It drastically changed from the last time I visited the cafeteria. Many options and at a decent price.

During one of those trips I encountered two little girls that touched my heart.

As I came around a corner I saw two little girls. They were about 6-8 years old with milk chocolaty skin. Their hair was twisted in a bun. Their dresses were cute knee length over white stockings  and Mary Jane shoes.  They were loitering by the gift shower looking through the glass at the cute over priced dolls.

They started hopping and skipping in circles as I got closer to them. I thought OMG not more brats please! I was so sick of hearing and seeing kids act up in the hospital.

When I see kids hopping, skipping, running and jumping in public I focus on them because I know they are not paying attention. I know if they just bump me I can be down on the floor. I've had that happened more than once.

So anyway, the oldest one suddenly looks at me and I could tell she was checking me out. As I passed by she shy smiled and  said, "HI."

Smiling back I said hello. She pulled the other little girl by the hand and started walking with me.

She asked me where I was going and I told her the cafeteria.

She then asked me why I was in the hospital. I told her my dad had an accident. She looked down sadly and mumbled, "OH!" I reassured her that he'll be okay.

I asked her who were they visiting. She looked up and her face lit up like a ray of sunshine. She said her Mother had their little brother. I commented that it was exciting. She giggled and agreed.

As she rambled about what he looked like, how much he weighed, she watched her little sister telling to move when she was going to be in someone's way.  I thought she is a good big sister.

I always walk to the far side so people can just walk around me. I am fully aware that I walk slower than most.

My Hubby sometimes disagree with me doing that because he says I should not have do it. I am a person just like everyone else. People can either wait or go around me. My argument is that I hate people on my heels and I rather just get to the side when I can so they can go ahead of me. It's an ongoing discussion between he and I. I love him for that though. Its those discussions that remind me how lucky I am.

The littler girl kept looking at my legs. I was waiting for her to ask.

She then said, "I hope your dad is going to be okay.". Taken back, "Thank you sweetie." I mean c'mon how many kids are that sensitive to others nowadays?

When we got outside the cafeteria she said wait and I stopped.(awkwardly as usual) She opened the door and said, "I just wanted to hold the door for you." I looked at the child stunned as everybody was walking around us and said, "You are so sweet, thank you."

She watched me walk in and held the door for a few other people behind me. I stepped aside and asked her if she was also coming into the cafeteria. Smiling she said, "No, I just wanted to hold the door for you. I hope your dad gets better. Bye.! Before I could say anything she had ran off in the midst of the crowd going back to where we just came from.

I stepped further into the cafeteria watching everyone coming and going having NO clue how much one child touched my heart.

I looked for her the next two days but I never saw her again. I wish I could have hugged her and tell her she was someone special. I wish I could have seen her parents and tell them how special their daughter was.

Until next time..

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Is A Pap Smear Necessary After Hysterectomy?

We are creatures of habit. Sometimes we need to stop and think what the medical professional is telling us. We have to ask why more often. If something is nagging us we have to discuss it with the right professional. If it still does not sit right, ask another. Keep asking until you are satisfied.

After I had a hysterectomy in the early 1990s I was excited. I would not have to do another Pap Smear. I remember that clearly!

As years went by, and I don't know exactly why but a OB/GYN doctor told me I needed a Pap Smear and it began again. I often wondered, if I don't have a uterus why are they doing a Pap Smear?

I went see my family doctor today for a slew of issues and mentioned I wanted a PAP smear. I figured while he was doing that he could check out what could be causing my current problem that I will not get into. I promise, you really don't want to know. HA!

The awesome smart logical doctor I love reminded me why a PAP smear is done. He said since I don't have a uterus I don't need a Pap Smear. 

"What was the OB/GYN doctor scraping then?" I asked.  He commented the older doctors swear by it but studies show it is not necessary.

I wonder. Again, what was he scraping? Why did my insurance pay for this 'unnecessary' procedure all these years? 

I scolded myself because I KNEW this. It was in the back of my mind but I trusted my OB/GYN. So that is one less doctor I have to see. YAY!

I've looked up the subject online and of course there are mixed opinions. But I've read several times that 4%-15% who have Pap smears after hysterectomies are unnecessary.  You can read an article here.

Until next time..

Monday, September 7, 2015

Life Is Sometimes A Vicious Circle

I am sure we have felt like this before. I am so afraid to say this because it could change so quickly.

But here it is: I've felt like I'm in a rut the past few days.

I told Hubby we need to start doing something on weekends besides go to church, watch TV and play video games. He asked what. I had no answer. We've had this conversation many times. It ends up the same. We don't know.

I feel guilty saying that because I know he works and wants to relax on weekends.

"SIGH" "Deep Breath"

Maybe because I was so busy for two months with everything going on.

Maybe I'm just tired of the same old grind.

Maybe I'm tired of being alone ALL day every day. I am NOT blaming him for anything. He does have to work.

I feel like my life is just one vicious circle.

Here is a summary of my daily life: Get up. Brush Teeth. Get Dressed. Do chores. Pray. Surf Internet. Watch TV. Hubby comes home. I cook. Clean dishes. We sit and watch TV until we go to bed. The next morning it starts all over again unless I  have an appointment or something.

I tell Hubby my feelings of the walls moving in on me is NOT his FAULT.  I need to deal with my own demons.

I think what about him? He gets up early and goes to work. He comes home. Does lawn work in summer. Checks his email and play his game until Supper. After supper, sometimes he goes back on computer or he'll sit and watch TV while on the computer when he does not fall asleep which is very often. He eventually goes to bed and then HIS day starts all over.

So I think. What can I do to change this?

I can blog more. About what though? My life is boring as you can see. Yes I know I am lucky I have family and what I have. That is not the issue!

I am not one to shop. Besides we don't have enough money for me to go shopping all the time. Window shopping is boring. OH! I hate shopping. Also, I have to drive 10 miles to get to the city.

I have volunteered for Hospice but with my dad's appointments etc I have to put that on hold. I'm okay with that. Family comes first.

My friends work or they are too far.

I could clean house more but what fun is that?

I have been reading a lot. It takes me places I dream of going.

I sometimes just go outside and sit on the steps when it is not raining or scorching hot.  It does make me feel better. Sometimes.

I keep telling hubby I need a golf cart or something so I can move around the huge yard we have. He laughs but I'm serious. He said once that is all he needs one more thing to worry about with me.

Only if we had the moolah...But it would still take convincing everyone I'll be fine.

I feel bad that he worries about me. Sheesh my daughter even worries about me. Why does everyone worry about me? Okay I can understand somewhat. But as I tell BabyGirl, no use worrying over something that could or could not happen. It'll drive you crazy.

I know everyone has felt this way in one time of their life. How did you deal with it?

So sorry this is all over the place. All the experts say to write what you are feeling. So there it is!

Thanks for stopping by! Don't be shy! Comment even if you have to say I am crazy...because there is a bit of truth in that. Don't tell Hubby I admitted that!

Until next time.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Checking In

What a summer it has been! Its been a while since I've been here.

My dad had an accident breaking 3 vertebrae. He eventually had to have surgery which was stressful for everyone. It is so hard to see your strong, busy and happy father laying in a bed with his neck in a collar. I acted strong during the crisis but was actually crumbling inside. It is heart wrenching.

However. he is home although recovery is slow. My sister and I are sharing the responsibility of bringing Mom and Dad to his doctor  appointments and doing their paperwork. 

In between taking care of them I've been in speech therapy for my difficulty swallowing.

My computer went bonkers. But I did find a local repair shop that was less expensive than the Orchard. So my computer is all clean and it is running so much smoother.

I had downloaded a virus security program from the ITunes and all of a sudden it showed it had a virus. When I brought it to the repair guy he said the program was the virus. Go figure.

I miss reading all of your blogs and writing my own. But sometimes you have to do what is more important.

I just thought I'd drop in and say I'm still alive.

Until next time...