Thursday, December 31, 2015


We all survived another year.  I hope this new year brings happiness and good health to all of you.

Here are a few highlights of my 2015.

My BabyGirl got married to a handsome guy who loves and takes care of her (as much as she will allow him. She has an independent streak in her that won't budge). She is happy. She is less stressed. She made a step towards her career goal of working with adolescents.  I am one proud Mamma!

I volunteered for Hospice which I have regrettably had to put on hold due to sickness. I do plan on returning.

Our shower door burst into little bits of pieces which freaked me out. We have not fixed it yet. Thankfully, we have two bathrooms. We do plan to fix it this year.

I received yet another diagnosis to add to my long list. I learned I had beginning stage of glaucoma which is being stabilized by eye drops. 

I learned that Baclofen is not a drug for me. My larynx and pharynx is weak. I went through speech therapy which I've had to incorporate in my daily routine.

My dad was involved in a one car accident fracturing 3 cervical vertebrae which scared me the day lights out of me. He is doing very well now. He seems to have slowed down which is a good thing.

Another proud moment was that I completed the Blogging A to Z Challenge. It was the first time I participated. 

I hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Year!  If you go out tonight, have fun.  I ask you if you drink, please have a designated driver or plan ahead. Remember Buzz driving is drunk driving. 

Until next year..

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Thursday, December 24, 2015

Merry Christmas

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Please be safe!

I guess you can say I have not been in the festive mood being I've been sick  I know. What is new? This time was the beginning of pneumonia and sinusitis. It knocked me down and I'm getting up slowly but surely.

We didn't put up a tree or any decorations. The most decorative we have is Christmas cards lined up on our shelves. Hubby hates this time of the year because he is sick of it as his job deals with it from September on. I keep telling him he needs to leave it at work. I guess the gloom is rubbing off of me.

My side of the family have decided to postpone it and get together after because a few are working and going to other places So that's fine.

Tonight, we do our usual Christmas Eve ritual. I love it. We go the Memorial Service to remember his dad and all the fallen soldiers. Then we are off to his brother's to have Christmas with Hubby's family which is cool.

Since we are not doing anything with my family Christmas day, BabyGirl is going to drop by after Hubby and I go to Mass. I'm cooking roast, mashed potatoes and corn. She also wants her gift.

We only buy gifts for BabyGirl and her Hubby. It is not much but hey it is what she wants. Hubby and I don't do the gift giving to each other because we get what we want during the year which I have a post coming of all my purchases in the last few months!

Oh and the weather is crazy here. Christmas Day we can wear shorts because it is supposed to be 80 degrees and stormy. We haven't had a handful of cold days yet!

Merry Christmas!

Until next time...

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Monday, December 7, 2015


When I wasn't feeling well  I didn't want to eat anything. Everything I smelled or saw made me gag. I wanted soup! I didn't want the salty very little chicken Campbell's soup.

If you ask anyone who knows me very well, they will tell you I absolutely hate broth by itself.  I guess all the times when I was in the hospital and they gave me  brown salty beef broth has traumatized me. I remember after surgeries and bouts of illnesses like dehydration, pneumonia, stomach viruses etc in order to have solid food, the nurses and mom insisted I had to drink the nasty salty broth. As I became older and wiser, I learned to suck it up (literally) through a straw.  

That's a helpful tip for you.  If you ever come across something liquid that you absolute hate the taste and have to drink it that's what you need to do. Use a straw! Most of it goes down your throat quickly with less taste.

Anyway, I decided to cook my first ever chicken noodle soup. It was delicious and helped calm my tummy.

I used a carton of Swanson chicken broth, egg noodles, celery, carrots and chopped chicken breast.  It was so good and calmed my stomach!

Next time I will make a double batch so I can freeze.

As you can tell picture taking is not my strong suit. It was steaming.

Until next time...

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Thursday, December 3, 2015

Four Years Ago..

Four years ago, my Hubby and I tied the knot in Las Vegas after living in sin for a couple of years. At first we were both wary of trying matrimony again as we failed in the past with others.

I had said I would never marry after going through what I did with my ex. I was so adamant.

Then MyHubby walked into my life and nothing has ever been the same. He stole my heart. He was trustworthy of my love. He knew what he was getting into but yet he still loved me enough to make me his wife.

I feel so honored.

He accepts me for who I am and loves me even with my many flaws.

I usually read every single card when I look for one. It is usually a lengthy one trying to convey on my feelings but I found one that said it simply.

He is my quiet center. The best part of my world.

Until next time..

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Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Empty Thank Yous

Hello Everyone! Yea, it is inconsistent me. After all the GI problems and having a worse than ever asthma attack I just have not been up to blogging. I felt like someone was squeezing my lungs or like a billboard sign says like a fish out of water. My doctor sent me my favorite drug, Prednisone and I am able to breathe again. 

I had a nice Thanksgiving with my Hubby's family.

I had started a different version of a Thanksgiving post but it lacked something. My brain couldn't spit out the word I needed. So the post stayed in my draft. A few days later I was having a conversation with Hubby and unknowingly he gave me the word! Here's the post.

It's Thanksgiving Week. Many of us think about what we are thankful for. Family. Friends. Love. God. Job. There are many things to be thankful for.

I have a question for you to think about. How many times have you said thank you automatically, sorta like an empty thank you. You say it but are you really thankful or just saying it because it is courteous?

Being courteous is great and saying thank you is a given but we should really feel it in our heart.

I hope you are understanding where I am attempting to convey.

I want to believe that each thank you I spill out of mouth is a genuine thank you.

I don't know how other couples work but MyHubby and I say thank you often.

He thanks me for cooking dinner. and washing his clothes.  I thank him for picking up things I drop.  I thank him for bringing me a Dr Pepper from Sonic. I thank him for putting up with me and my illnesses.

When he does the little things like picking up things I drop, tying my shoes when they unlace and there is no where for me to sit to tie them,  brings dinner after work etc., I say a heartfelt thank you each time. Yes, he is my husband and he should be there. But i want to let him feel appreciated hence I say thank you.

I sometimes even tell him thank you for loving me.

I genuinely appreciate everything he does. I've talked to some couples and they say they don't thank each other because its a given.  Some even say things like chores are not to be thankful for because it is part of married life. When they say that I think, how sad.

I am so thankful when BabyGirl takes 1-2 hours out of her life to have a meal with me. My heart absolutely warms and smiles when I see her. I thank her for taking that time to be with me. When I hug her while thanking her I hope she feels that appreciation.

I do appreciate others helping me and thank them wholeheartedly. Whether it be someone opening the door at a grocery store for me or offering help to get something off the top shelf.

The other day I was at the grocery store and was putting them in the trunk of my car. A nice old man saw me semi struggling with a heavy bag.  It was one of my major teeter totter days so I was figuring it out in my head as I was maneuvering it. He came up to me out of nowhere, politely took it out of my hand and said, "Let me get that for you." He eliminated one step and saved some of my energy because I had to go home and lug it up the steps. I sincerely said thank you and he didn't know how much he helped me. He smiled and said your welcome and went along his way

Since I am on the subject of being showing appreciation I want to say THANK You to you. I appreciate you taking the time and reading my blog.  and I appreciate YOU. 

Until next time..

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Saturday, November 7, 2015

Gumby Visited After Baclofen Taken

I am alive. Just have not been in a state of mind to write anything.  My writing has not been the only thing neglected. Household chores were also way down on my list.

So what have I been up to? Since I was not feeling all that well for about a month, but seemed like years, i just sat in my chair, played Sporcle and read your blogs but not responding. 

I felt bad.It was one of those severely depressing times. 

My stomach and swallowing has been a problem. An esophageal dilation and colonoscopy were performed on me. Everything was fine or so they said. I was instructed to continue my Nexium and was started on Miralax. The Miralax worked somewhat but gave me more problems that solving part of my problem.

Unfortunately AFTER the procedure  my reflux came back threefold. I felt like I was worse off than before the procedures. I was frustrated and depressed.

The doctor (Nurse Practitioner) ordered a modified barium swallow. Those results showed my laryngeal muscles and tongue muscles were weak. I went through 3 months of speech therapy to strengthen my tongue and laryngeal muscles. Doctor  said the cause could be age plus my Cerebral Palsy (CP).

I am so tired of being told the  cause of most of everything I have is my Cerebral Palsy.  I can see how this is true but I keep asking myself I've had CP since I was 6 months, so why all of a sudden  these severe symptoms are popping up or those that I've had and able to manage suddenly go awry. Oh yea, right...I'm getting older. And i have CP.

The speech therapy has helped some. By the way my speech therapist was wonderful. She was honest and told me after 2 months that I was a big girl and doing the exercises, there is nothing else she can tell me.  I suspect the exercises will be a part of my life.

Then I was having pain in my arms, legs and chest as well. I went to my awesome Family Doctor and he said it could be stress. He said my neck was stiff as a board. Since I had other muscular problems he decided to give me a muscle relaxant which has helped most of his patients with CP. It was called Baclofen.

Not this patient!

It relaxed me alright. I felt like Gumby. However, all i did was sleep and when I got up, the room spun. I also passed out on Hubby 3 times in 5 days. I stopped the medication. Luckily the pain went away for the most part.

Nausea and  GERD was still off the charts. I was hardly eating because my stomach would hurt after I ate.   In turn, I lost weight. The hiccuping was crazy. So I called my GI doctor again. His nurse told me to take my prescription Nexium in the morning and get some OTC Nexium to take in the evening. It made no sense to me. If the stronger prescribed one isn't working, how could the less stronger OTC do the job

I think it is working somewhat. The lump in my throat comes and goes. I continue to have to watch very closely what I eat and how I eat.  I have too frequent bouts of hiccups. My GI doctor nor his Practitioner seem to want to deal with me. I hate their "Scripted' solutions. It seems they can't think outside the box.  I'm not in the mood of trying to find another one so I'm just moving along as best as I can.

So that is what I've been up to and why I've been MIA.

My dad is doing great. I brought him to his follow-up a week or two ago. He can get rid of the neck brace and resume daily activities. He was so excited he was nearly jumping out of the chair. I had never seen my dad so giddy. But I thank God for helping him heal and get on with his life.

BabyGirl got a new job. She was tired of being put on hold for another shift and they worked her to the bone. This job she will be more or less on her own visiting her clients individually. I don't have to tell you how proud I am.

Until next time....

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Monday, September 21, 2015

Two Little Strangers With Big Hearts

When I was at the hospital with Dad  I took a few trips to the cafeteria to buy Mom and I lunch.  It drastically changed from the last time I visited the cafeteria. Many options and at a decent price.

During one of those trips I encountered two little girls that touched my heart.

As I came around a corner I saw two little girls. They were about 6-8 years old with milk chocolaty skin. Their hair was twisted in a bun. Their dresses were cute knee length over white stockings  and Mary Jane shoes.  They were loitering by the gift shower looking through the glass at the cute over priced dolls.

They started hopping and skipping in circles as I got closer to them. I thought OMG not more brats please! I was so sick of hearing and seeing kids act up in the hospital.

When I see kids hopping, skipping, running and jumping in public I focus on them because I know they are not paying attention. I know if they just bump me I can be down on the floor. I've had that happened more than once.

So anyway, the oldest one suddenly looks at me and I could tell she was checking me out. As I passed by she shy smiled and  said, "HI."

Smiling back I said hello. She pulled the other little girl by the hand and started walking with me.

She asked me where I was going and I told her the cafeteria.

She then asked me why I was in the hospital. I told her my dad had an accident. She looked down sadly and mumbled, "OH!" I reassured her that he'll be okay.

I asked her who were they visiting. She looked up and her face lit up like a ray of sunshine. She said her Mother had their little brother. I commented that it was exciting. She giggled and agreed.

As she rambled about what he looked like, how much he weighed, she watched her little sister telling to move when she was going to be in someone's way.  I thought she is a good big sister.

I always walk to the far side so people can just walk around me. I am fully aware that I walk slower than most.

My Hubby sometimes disagree with me doing that because he says I should not have do it. I am a person just like everyone else. People can either wait or go around me. My argument is that I hate people on my heels and I rather just get to the side when I can so they can go ahead of me. It's an ongoing discussion between he and I. I love him for that though. Its those discussions that remind me how lucky I am.

The littler girl kept looking at my legs. I was waiting for her to ask.

She then said, "I hope your dad is going to be okay.". Taken back, "Thank you sweetie." I mean c'mon how many kids are that sensitive to others nowadays?

When we got outside the cafeteria she said wait and I stopped.(awkwardly as usual) She opened the door and said, "I just wanted to hold the door for you." I looked at the child stunned as everybody was walking around us and said, "You are so sweet, thank you."

She watched me walk in and held the door for a few other people behind me. I stepped aside and asked her if she was also coming into the cafeteria. Smiling she said, "No, I just wanted to hold the door for you. I hope your dad gets better. Bye.! Before I could say anything she had ran off in the midst of the crowd going back to where we just came from.

I stepped further into the cafeteria watching everyone coming and going having NO clue how much one child touched my heart.

I looked for her the next two days but I never saw her again. I wish I could have hugged her and tell her she was someone special. I wish I could have seen her parents and tell them how special their daughter was.

Until next time..

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Is A Pap Smear Necessary After Hysterectomy?

We are creatures of habit. Sometimes we need to stop and think what the medical professional is telling us. We have to ask why more often. If something is nagging us we have to discuss it with the right professional. If it still does not sit right, ask another. Keep asking until you are satisfied.

After I had a hysterectomy in the early 1990s I was excited. I would not have to do another Pap Smear. I remember that clearly!

As years went by, and I don't know exactly why but a OB/GYN doctor told me I needed a Pap Smear and it began again. I often wondered, if I don't have a uterus why are they doing a Pap Smear?

I went see my family doctor today for a slew of issues and mentioned I wanted a PAP smear. I figured while he was doing that he could check out what could be causing my current problem that I will not get into. I promise, you really don't want to know. HA!

The awesome smart logical doctor I love reminded me why a PAP smear is done. He said since I don't have a uterus I don't need a Pap Smear. 

"What was the OB/GYN doctor scraping then?" I asked.  He commented the older doctors swear by it but studies show it is not necessary.

I wonder. Again, what was he scraping? Why did my insurance pay for this 'unnecessary' procedure all these years? 

I scolded myself because I KNEW this. It was in the back of my mind but I trusted my OB/GYN. So that is one less doctor I have to see. YAY!

I've looked up the subject online and of course there are mixed opinions. But I've read several times that 4%-15% who have Pap smears after hysterectomies are unnecessary.  You can read an article here.

Until next time..

Monday, September 7, 2015

Life Is Sometimes A Vicious Circle

I am sure we have felt like this before. I am so afraid to say this because it could change so quickly.

But here it is: I've felt like I'm in a rut the past few days.

I told Hubby we need to start doing something on weekends besides go to church, watch TV and play video games. He asked what. I had no answer. We've had this conversation many times. It ends up the same. We don't know.

I feel guilty saying that because I know he works and wants to relax on weekends.

"SIGH" "Deep Breath"

Maybe because I was so busy for two months with everything going on.

Maybe I'm just tired of the same old grind.

Maybe I'm tired of being alone ALL day every day. I am NOT blaming him for anything. He does have to work.

I feel like my life is just one vicious circle.

Here is a summary of my daily life: Get up. Brush Teeth. Get Dressed. Do chores. Pray. Surf Internet. Watch TV. Hubby comes home. I cook. Clean dishes. We sit and watch TV until we go to bed. The next morning it starts all over again unless I  have an appointment or something.

I tell Hubby my feelings of the walls moving in on me is NOT his FAULT.  I need to deal with my own demons.

I think what about him? He gets up early and goes to work. He comes home. Does lawn work in summer. Checks his email and play his game until Supper. After supper, sometimes he goes back on computer or he'll sit and watch TV while on the computer when he does not fall asleep which is very often. He eventually goes to bed and then HIS day starts all over.

So I think. What can I do to change this?

I can blog more. About what though? My life is boring as you can see. Yes I know I am lucky I have family and what I have. That is not the issue!

I am not one to shop. Besides we don't have enough money for me to go shopping all the time. Window shopping is boring. OH! I hate shopping. Also, I have to drive 10 miles to get to the city.

I have volunteered for Hospice but with my dad's appointments etc I have to put that on hold. I'm okay with that. Family comes first.

My friends work or they are too far.

I could clean house more but what fun is that?

I have been reading a lot. It takes me places I dream of going.

I sometimes just go outside and sit on the steps when it is not raining or scorching hot.  It does make me feel better. Sometimes.

I keep telling hubby I need a golf cart or something so I can move around the huge yard we have. He laughs but I'm serious. He said once that is all he needs one more thing to worry about with me.

Only if we had the moolah...But it would still take convincing everyone I'll be fine.

I feel bad that he worries about me. Sheesh my daughter even worries about me. Why does everyone worry about me? Okay I can understand somewhat. But as I tell BabyGirl, no use worrying over something that could or could not happen. It'll drive you crazy.

I know everyone has felt this way in one time of their life. How did you deal with it?

So sorry this is all over the place. All the experts say to write what you are feeling. So there it is!

Thanks for stopping by! Don't be shy! Comment even if you have to say I am crazy...because there is a bit of truth in that. Don't tell Hubby I admitted that!

Until next time.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Checking In

What a summer it has been! Its been a while since I've been here.

My dad had an accident breaking 3 vertebrae. He eventually had to have surgery which was stressful for everyone. It is so hard to see your strong, busy and happy father laying in a bed with his neck in a collar. I acted strong during the crisis but was actually crumbling inside. It is heart wrenching.

However. he is home although recovery is slow. My sister and I are sharing the responsibility of bringing Mom and Dad to his doctor  appointments and doing their paperwork. 

In between taking care of them I've been in speech therapy for my difficulty swallowing.

My computer went bonkers. But I did find a local repair shop that was less expensive than the Orchard. So my computer is all clean and it is running so much smoother.

I had downloaded a virus security program from the ITunes and all of a sudden it showed it had a virus. When I brought it to the repair guy he said the program was the virus. Go figure.

I miss reading all of your blogs and writing my own. But sometimes you have to do what is more important.

I just thought I'd drop in and say I'm still alive.

Until next time...

Sunday, July 19, 2015

My First Stitch Fix

I haven't went on a clothes shopping spree in ages. I don't like taking a few pieces and try them on in a dressing room which usually doesn't have any chairs to sit on. I'll pick up a shirt or pair of pants here or there but to say I'm going shopping for clothes, NAH.

It is frustrating to find clothes to fit because of the way I stand/walk. I prefer tight fitting clothes like jeans or leggings. If they are lose fitting it looks all scrunched up in the back of my knees. Family members say people shouldn't be looking behind me. But they do. Some say it is not noticeable but I totally disagree. It is just one of the quirks I have about myself.

My friend Julaine posted on Facebook about a package she received from Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix is an online service for women. A profile questionnaire is filled out. You pay $20 styling fee (that will deducted if you should decide to keep one or all pieces) Your  personal stylist  chooses 5 pieces of clothing and accessories and mails it to you.

You have three days to try it on and decide to keep it or return it. If you keep all 5 pieces you get 25% off.

I decided to try it. What could it hurt? It would be so convenient. It could also make me look at certain styles that I would otherwise didn't.

I was excited when the package came to my door! I ripped open the box and found two shirts, a skirt, a cross body handbag and cardigan sweater.

 I am "modeling" the  Papermoon Bastille Tulip Sleeve Blouse under a Jaclynn Cardigan with the Mode Luxe cross body bag. The skirt is a beautiful Garland Geo Print Maxi Skirt.
Collective Concept  Esten Button Up Sleeveless Blouse-Sorry I didn't get a pic with it on me. It was too big a
Tulip Blouse I have NO clue why Hubby takes my picture me my hands splayed out like that. But then I think maybe that's just the way I am, always trying to get my balance. Hubby calls me a windmill sometimes because my hands are always moving when I am trying to keep my balance. HAHA! Yes, my hair is a mess and you see the junk on the floor. is all picked up now. 

Close up Papermoon Garland Geo Print Maxi Skirt. 

Moda Luxe Venice Zip Detail Crossbody bag.

I think my personal stylist had the right idea. I want to give her credit for finding Petite sizes which was still too big. I guess I'll have to find a seamstress eventually. "SIGH".

I liked the Tulip sleeved shirt but it was see through as well as the other shirt. I suspect the idea is to get a shirt to go under it but I have the attitude if I pay the price I shouldn't have to add anything to it. I realize I may have to change my mindset.

As you can clearly see the Maxi skirt was way too long which is not a big surprise. I'm a short person and I have that problem often. I loved the design but just not on me. It makes my hips look wider than they are.

The purse was almost perfect but it was a little too wide and the straps way too long. The wideness was making me off-balance. You can see in the picture the excess strap . Loved the pockets though!!

I kept the Cardigan because it fits perfectly and it'll go with anything.

That was my first Fix. I scheduled another one for next month. When my stylist and I finally get my style and size, I think we'll have a long lasting relationship :).

If you should try this program I would totally appreciate if it you'd put me as referral so I can get a discount. My referral link is https://WWW.STITCHFIX.COM/referral/5414640

By the way, I was not paid by the company to make this review.

Until next time…

Monday, July 13, 2015

Imagine Never Feeling Unconditional Love

Last night I was watching 60 minutes. There was a segment about a show called Alive, 55+ and Kicking. It's for those seniors to have a second change to sing. The founder Vy Higgensen's mission was to preserve African music, She wanted to create a story with the individual singing.

Members started sharing their stories. An ex-convict who served 40 years in prison. A mother losing a son. An alcoholic.

A man named Matthew Burke made my heart stop. It wasn't that he spent time in jail for selling drugs. 'It wasn't that he committed a violent burglary.

It was that he never experienced unconditional love. He never felt loved.

How can that be? It is incomprehensible to me. It made me sad. It broke my heart.

He found a case file showing that he was abandoned in a hall at age 2-1/2 weeks old. A Priest named him in the first foster home he was placed.

Imagine having a life where you were only a number. An abandoned number then a prisoner number. Imagine living life thinking NO ONE loves you.

He doesn't know who his father or mother is. So he sang the song "Georgia" giving his mom a name.

How sad is this?

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Update on Dad

So much has been happening. I forget the days or what happened when. I think often if I feel this way I can't imagine how my dad and mom feel.

Monday, I made all the appointments and did what had to be done except one because the doctor's nurse did not return my call THREE times on different days. I am tempted to just go for the appointment and tell him his nurse didn't return my calls. However, it so far for them to drive back and forth.  My sister said she could bring them but still. They shall see my face first thing early in the morning Monday.

Tuesday, I picked up his police report. It is so scary to read it. My heart wants to drop out of my chest. I didn't go to Mom's because I had Speech Therapy. Mom insisted I not neglect myself. I so wish I had. Maybe the chain of events would not have occurred. 

My Mom had to bring him to ER the day I didn't go. He had a urinary tract infection.

After the ER my mom went drop off the prescription at the drug store. As she was backing out of her parking space, evidently another lady was doing the same thing. They collided. First thing the lady told Mom (And Dad was in the car) that my mom hit her. No one was hurt and the damage wasn't too bad. Mom called the insurance and gave her statement that afternoon.

Wednesday, I went to my Mom's bright and early. They had an appointment with the orthotics place to put the brace right. It seems like it never fitted right. The girl who did it the first time while Dad was in the hospital was so impatient and rough. I told her numerous times that she needed to be softer. Yea, he was hurting already and maneuvering wasn't helping but she was pushing and pulling like a moron. My dad was pushing her hand away. I nearly pushed her. I told her sarcastically that he did have fractures and we REALLY didn't want them to break.

Sorry, I got ahead of myself. Before we went to the orthotics my Mom received a phone call from her insurance. I could tell Mom was getting upset. He was trying to make her say she had the sole liability of the accident. They hadn't called the police because it was on private property.

Keep reading. I have something to teach you for in case you didn't know.

Mom started saying, "No, I did not say that. You are twisting my words." This went on for about 5 minutes. I hated seeing my Mom frustrated and confused. I told Mom to give me the phone.

I asked who was speaking. He said, "Henry, from the Insurance company naming the company." I told him my mom gave a statement last night. He said he was investigating the claim.  I told him it sounded like he was interrogating her like a criminal and wanted her to say she was totally at fault. He was trying to tell me Mom said something she didn't because I was right there listening. I told him she had nothing else to say to him. I was royally ticked off. The way he was talking to me, I could tell he was trying to pull something over us.

When we returned from the orthotics place, I took her car and went get an estimate for repairs. Then I made my way to her insurance company. I have same insurance but different agent. Thank God.  I told the agent and owner of that location how the man treated my mother. I found out although it is the same company, each person has a different 'go to" representative. And the man who called Mom was for the other lady in the accident. He was fighting for his "client'. I get that but he was trying to twist her words and confuse her more than she is.

I told them that the man never introduced himself as such. Let's just say they know how mad I was when I walked out.  They said they would look into it.

I told BabyGirl a few days later that I wanted to take this man, beat him senseless and throw him in the ditch where he belongs. She was shocked about that. Truthfully, I can't believe that came out of my mouth but that's how much he bugged the hell out of me.

One thing Mom's agent said is very important! Regardless if the accident is on private property or public CALL THE POLICE. Ask for a crash report. It helps the she said he said.

The agent also told me that usually when they are both backing up the liability is shared. My Mom was fine with that but she refused to take the whole responsibility.

A few days later she had to bring him to the doctor because he developed a yeast infection.

Everything is calmed down somewhat. He is doing as well as expected.

Between my sister and I and all the wonderful people who has stepped up to help, we pretty much have it under control.

So that is where we are right now.

Thank you so very much for your love, support. prayers and hugs!

Until next time.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Dad's Accident.

It's been an emotional and exhausting week. 

As Hubby and I were retiring for the night Tuesday evening, my phone rang with my panicky crying  Mom on the other end. I could tell right away that something was very wrong. 

First, she never calls me at that time of the night. Second, I rarely hear my usually calm mother sound like she is losing it. She told me Dad ran off the road and had neck injuries. I was at verge of losing it  too but I knew I had to be strong for Mom. Of course, my Hubby was holding and supporting me.

The next 24 hours were grueling. Thank God for my strong Husband. Without a second thought or being asked, he decided to not work the next day and help me do what had to be done. I am so grateful for him.

At first they were at the hospital near their home 45 miles from where I live. Eventually the hospital transported him to a different hospital closer to me. I saw my dad in the emergency room 4 hours after that dreaded phone call. 

My dad is a very active person. To see him on a gurney with a neck brace immobile tore at my heart. He was slightly confused and in horrible pain. I never heard my dad scream in pain before. After he heals I hope to never have to listen to it again. It was a heart wrenching hopeless and helpless feeling.

His brain muscle is bruised and he has 3 fractures of the C-1 and C-2 cervical vertebrae. He is so lucky it wasn't any worse.

When they admitted him to a room my Mom insisted on staying.  Hubby and I came home at 3:30 am. It was decided that my sister was going to go to work and Hubby and I were going to tend to getting stuff out of his truck and other errands. 

After about 3 hours of restless sleep Hubby and I were on the road again. We went to the towing place. Dad was mainly concerned about his wallet left in the truck which we got and called them right away because I know he was worried. We took everything that was salvageable. I've never seen so many keys in my whole life. 

Here's what was left of the truck. The truck tower told us that they had to break the frame of the truck with the Jaws of Life and pull him from the cab's window because the doors wouldn't open. The pictures doesn't look as bad as seeing the truck.

His truck was still on the tow truck. That's why it is slanted.

I mistakenly got Hubby in the picture. hehe

I think this picture terrifies me the most.

As you can see the grid with flowers. He was hoping it was salvageable. It was  not. They had to break it to get to him out. 

 I always thought the grid of flowers looked morbid, like a funeral truck or something.

Dad went home Friday. He needs someone with him 24/7. Mom insists she is fine and everything is okay. So I told her Monday I will be at her house and if she needs anything I'm at her disposal. I have a long list I know needs to be done that I know she either hasn't thought about or doesn't think it is important enough to do.

My sister is doing all she can do. But she had to go somewheres with her Hubby pertaining to HIS health.

We had so many offers to help, love, support and prayers we so truly appreciate. I think MySister and I got it all under control so Mom can focus on Daddy.

Until next time.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Insecure Writer's Support Group

My dad was in a bad accident Tuesday night and I thought I had scheduled the post to run. I've been running around. He fractured 3 neck vertebrae. He is beginning a long journey to recovery. I appreciate any prayers.

A month sure goes fast doesn't it? Our lives are rolling along.

If I had not subscribed to the email for Insecure Writer's Support Group the day would have passed. I would not have written anything.

I was reading a post about Crutch Words. I knew I used them but just didn't know there was a name for  them and just how much I used them. I need to work on this problem for sure.

I'm so irritated with myself. I want to blog. I want to write a book.

I've set goals that I don't meet. I don't know what interesting things to write about. I get writer's block constantly.

Honestly, I don't have any motivation whatsoever sometimes. I WANT to write but my brain is not cooperating.

The irony is I write in a journal nearly every day. Go figure.

I don't post what I write in my journal because it is private thoughts.

This cartoon says it all.

Until next time…

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Different Kind of Father's Day Post.

Happy Father's Day to all you GREAT dads out there. For those who are ACTUALLY Fathers and not just sperm donors. For those who love your kids for who they are and not what you want them to be. Happy Father's Day to all the stepfathers out there who embraced the child as their own. 

I can tell you my Daddy is the best in the world. Most of you will disagree because your believe yours is the best. We need to be thankful for our Daddies who are have played an active role in our lives.

He is a perfect role model. He had to start working at a young age because his mother died when he was small and his stepmother and Dad shoved his sister and him to an old couple who could only provide a roof over their heads and food. He had to work delivering papers to earn money for clothes and school supplies for him and his sister. He couldn't do sports like he would have loved to. 

I remember years ago, he would find old bike parts, put them together and give it to kids in the neighborhood. 

He is in 70's and very active in the community and his church parish. He mows yards for all the widows in his neighborhood. If someone needs help he stops what he is doing to help. I don't know how many times I've called in the middle of the night in need and he was there. 

He could have felt sorry for himself and went another path. But he didn't.  He did what he had to do.

I am so proud of my dad and I love him so much. My sister and I brought him and Mom eat out last night as a token of our appreciation.

I wish I could say the same for BabyGirl's father. It saddens me how he has become the person that he is.

He has hurt my daughter more ways than one. Never accepting her for the beautiful, talented and smart person she is. What kind of father tells his daughter that he is so disappointed in her and she broke his heart in pieces?

What is frustrating is that she still needs to deal with him. I tell her she doesn't need to but she visits her  stepmother and he is there. He has told her that she broke HIS heart. He has NO clue how HE continues to break hers. It was pure stupidity and mean.

She was never into drugs or criminal activity. She excelled in school and karate. Any other father would have taken her with open arms and without judgment.

He was upset that she didn't chose the career he wanted her to.

In his eyes, her successes were HIS or because of him.

He is missing out on so much. Being the way he is, he doesn't deserve her at all. 

What's sad is a pattern is forming. He used to get in my face and scream at me. He was sneaky and so good at manipulation, belittling and controlling me.

When I finally left him I had to come to the realization just how much it has affected me and BabyGirl. I blamed myself. I know it wasn't my fault that he turned out the way he did but when you are in that situation, you're almost programmed and you often ask yourself what is wrong with me. What could I have done for him not to be that way?

I moved on and so did he. Seeing his relationship with his ex I couldn't help wondering what was wrong with me. Why did our fairy tell story end so badly? We had a good marriage then he changed seemingly overnight. Others around me said it was different. They saw it little by little. They saw so much more than I did. Or maybe I was seeing it and just ignoring it?

Oddly, I was glad to see him so happy with is wife.  She is a genuine nice woman. I hoped and prayed she didn't see the side of him that I saw. No one deserves it.

However, from what I've seen and heard, his fear is becoming reality.He is turning into a drunk just like his father. He always said he never wanted to be like him. However, his personality is changing with her too. I think it is more dangerous because alcohol is involved.

When I hear my BabyGirl crying in fear for her stepmother my heart hurts.   I explain to her all she and her step siblings can do is let her know they are always there for her.  I know what BabyGirl's stepmother is going through. So many emotions!

Denial. Embarrassment. Scared. Alone. I hope and pray she gets out sooner than later.

MyLove never had an opportunity to have children. He loves and cares for BabyGirl as if she was his own. I remember the time we were becoming serous and he took her alone and told her he never wanted to replace her father but he was always there for her and he wanted her to come to him for anything. She has come to him a few times and he has acted on his promise. They have a unique relationship. He is a much better role model than her own Father.

Again, I wish all fathers, stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, a very Happy Father's Day. May those whose Father is in heaven, know they are looking down on you wishing you the best.

Until next time---

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Going Full Circle with Speech Therapy-Barium Swallow Results

As mentioned before I've had difficulty swallowing (Dysphagia). I had my esophagus dilated recently.  But I still have some excess difficulty. When I went to the doctor  for follow-up, I told the Nurse Practitioner.

Side Note: It must be nice for the doctors to have someone else do their work for them. I'm not going to get started.

So the NP scheduled a Modified Barium Swallow. you can check out the information of how it is done and what it is used for here.

Her findings showed that my tongue muscles and larynx have weakened. She said she wasn't sure the cause but she pointed out that it had NOTHING to do with the esophageal dilation. This problem is entirely different. "BIG SIGH"She said it could be a combination of things such as age and CP.

Some of her recommendations were not new to me. I've done some for a while now. Makes me wonder if I am doing these and I still have problems, what am I doing wrong? Obviously something or maybe I need a few of these extra ones.

Typical of my crazy body. I can't just do standard things. I always need more. "SIGH".

1. I am not to use a straw! OH NO! I use a straw to drink practically everything. I thought it was making it easier to swallow but the x-ray showed otherwise.
Photo Credit: Makeittakeit

2. Take small bites and sip liquid. I usually do this anyway. She said an average person should take 45 minutes to eat a meal. Wow! Lets have a show of hands who take 45 minutes to eat one meal. Most people don't have that much time for a lunch break.

3. Swallow twice after every bite. The test shows it takes that many times to get my food down.

4. To swallow properly, getting it past my tongue, I need to put my chin to chest to swallow properly.

5. I am to use the Super Supraglottic and Supraglottic Swallowing methods. They help close off the windpipe which is an airway to prevent food and liquid from getting into my lungs which has always been a problem.

6. She gave me laryngeal and tongue strengthen exercises to do. I'm trying to figure out if I am doing them right because for the tongue strengthen exercises I have to say certain words focusing on making contact with the back of my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

7. I am to follow a  Dysphagia Ground Diet Guideline which pretty much consists of ground solids and thin liquids. All my meats are to be ground with gravy or melted cheese.  The irony of it is the diet I am suppose to eat for my GERD and constipation is nearly opposite of this diet. Go figure. Maybe I'll write another post focusing on this diet, if anyone is at all interesting.

8. Last but not least she recommends me see a Speech therapist. I feel like I am going full circle. As a young child I had to have speech therapy because of my speech. I had therapy from the time I was a toddler through 6th grade. I was so relieved when my Speech therapist at the time told me I didn't have to have it when I went to Junior High. But here I am about 40 years later back to speech therapy. UGH!

So there you have it. Another challenge for me to conquer. I have to admit doing some of the methods have helped me considerably. I just need to get into the habit.

Here's a challenge for you and let me know how you did. It is not a test. Just something I can compare myself too.

1) Focus on making contact with the back of tongue with the roof of your mouth say one or all of these words 10 times: Key, Kick, Go, Gig.

2) Bite on tip of your tongue and swallow 10 times.

So how hard or easy was it for you?

Thanks for reading this rather boring post to most. I hope it makes you think how much we take for granted putting food in our mouths, chewing and swallowing.

Until next time my friends….

Monday, June 8, 2015


I totally forgot about the Insecure Writer's Group last week. I was thinking it was second week.DUH me! Last week I was all over the place. I had my colonoscopy and esophageal dilation done. Since my first Hospice patient went to heaven, I was assigned to another Hospice patient DUH me! So I was busy!

For years I've contemplated on putting my life story into a book. I have many people say I should. I have the talent they say. I believe otherwise. I've seen others write e-books left and right, evidently without any publisher etc. I've extensively researched it and it all comes down to I don't think my life is as interesting. I also don't think I have the self-discipline to go through the grueling task of writing and rewriting. Even with my research findings, it is hard for me to know where to begin.

I've repeatedly asked myself why would I want to write a book. My answers are:
1. For my child to have something to go back to when I am gone. 
2. To show even though I have a disability, I've lived with a pretty normal life. 
3. To inspire others.

On a positive note, I finally figured out how to write a signature for comments. Thank you Arlee Bird! You're the best~

Until next time!

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Colonoscopy Results

I have some good news! I am done with my procedures. The prep was crazy. I added the "Cherry" flavor which didn't help much. The solution tastes really salty to me.

I started drinking the solution as instructed, I did really well up to a little less than half finished. The bathroom was my best friend.  As some of you know once it starts working you don't walk to the bathroom, you run. After about the second run, I said screw this! I took my book, my jug, my glass and my straw and stayed on the toilet for 2-1/2 hours. As it went in it one way, it came right back out from the other end.

My appointment was at 9:30 am. They called me at 10 am, We were on our way home at 11:30. Thank you Jesus!!

There was a stricture around my esophagus so he dilated it.
Photo Credit:
My colonoscopy only showed diverticuli and a hernia I've been having. No polyps! Yippee! But other than that everything looked good!

Instructions were to resume my daily regimen the next day but couldn't eat solid food until today. I definitely can tell a difference when I swallow.

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. I get my Hubby ALL to myself for the next four days.

Photo Credit :

Friday, May 29, 2015

Full Of Crap

I have not posted because I was not feeling well. I've been writing and rewriting this post for 3 days now. I'm sick of it!

Since I was a little girl I was always fascinated with how the body works. It's one of the reasons why I became a nurse.

 I'm always driving my Hubby a little crazy going over what our body is doing at any moment. Blood flowing from the aorta through the body. Lungs exchanging gas and air from your body. Heart pumping. Food moving along your digestive system. Muscles contracting.

You get the picture.

My food has not been moving along as it should causing it to back up (Constipation). Maybe I'll write a post detailing the topic at another time.
Photo Credit: Damian

I know this is not the most pleasant thing to talk about. But I've had this problem all of my life. Maybe I can help someone sharing my experience.  I'll try not to gross you out.

I am usually able to have less occurrences taking stool softeners. I eat all the right foods and drink plenty of water.  I know cheese is a culprit so I don't eat it as often as I'd like.  I've also tried "natural' laxatives. 

I have a bad gag reflex and my uvula doesn't work well so I aspirate. The uvula is the little tissue thingie in the back of your throat.   The aspiration causes a back flow of acid irritating my esophagus causing Gastrointestinal Reflux (GERD).

The GERD causes scarring and narrowing of the esophagus. The scarring of the esophagus causes dysphagia which is the medical term for difficulty swallowing.

For 5 weeks I could not have a normal bowel movement. I would go a little but I knew I had not completely emptied. I tried laxatives and doubled my stool softener but it didn't work. I started Miralax but it seemed like it was taking FOREVER to work.

After a few weeks I was tired of feeling bloated and unable to poop. I made a doctor's  appointment. In my misery I told my hubby my butt cheeks felt full of crap. He laughed at that one. Gotta admit it was funny!

I finally made it to the doctor. Scratch that. I didn't see a doctor. I saw the Nurse Practitioner. I have all kinds of issues with going to the doctor and seeing only a NP but I wont get into it.

She told me to continue the Miralax and she gave me Lactulose to try to relieve the constipation.

We scheduled the esophageal dilation which I was expecting although the last one was only in 2013. Then she said, "You know, you haven't had a colonosopy since 2009. Since you are over 50 we should do that too." Oh joy!  We scheduled both at the same time next week.

The procedure is not bad because I'm out cold. But the prep is horrendous. I think they added to the prep since the last time I took it.

Let me say this. No matter how bad the prep is, it is IMPORTANT have one. Yes, it is a pain but it could save your life.

The prep includes: Two days before procedure I eat a soft diet. That night I take 2 Biscodyl tablets which is a laxative that works directly on the colon. 

The next day, which is the day before the procedure, I am on a clear liquid diet. At 2 pm. I take two more Biscodyl tablets. Between 4 pm and 8 pm I have to drink 4 LITERS of cleansing solution. The directions instruct to drink one glass every 10 minutes. 

After I drink all of  it I have to take the last two Biscodyl tablets. Then I am to not drink or eat anything past midnight. If I am not cleaned out after all of this is over something is seriously wrong!

The night after I went to the doctor's office I drank the Lactulose. I was a good patient and drank 4 tbsps.  I remember having to take it a very long time ago. It still tastes awful and the texture continues to be viscous. It is a synthetic sugar to treat constipation. I can put in a beverage but I didn't want to ruin it so I sucked it up. I swallowed it straight and washed it down with water. Talk about sweet!! YUCK!

Well, let me tell you. Be careful what you wish for! The next day the toilet was my best friend. I don't know if both the Miralax and Lactulose just kicked in at the same time or what but let me tell you I was cleaned out for sure!

My butt cheeks feel normal again. My appetite is better. Thank God!

Until next time….

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

BabyGirl Is A Married Woman!

I have been sworn to secrecy for the past month and a half. I have been given permission to let the secret out!

MyBabyGirl got married April Fools Day. I knew beforehand it was going to happen and I knew after it happened.

 After a few minutes of being hurt after I was told I wasn't being invited to my only daughter's wedding, I scolded myself. They are two adults. It is the way THEY wanted it. It is THEIR wedding and marriage. 

After all, A wedding doesn't make a marriage.

She and her NewHusband did it their own way. They had two witnesses and said their vows and that was it. They did take a couple of pictures. I told her she needed to take at least one so THEY can go back and look at them from time to time!

It's similar to how Hubby and I got married! I had a whole series. Click the link if at all interested.

I was grateful and did feel special that she did tell me before!

So now I have a Son-In-Law! I don't think I've every seen BabyGirl as happy and stable as she is now. Thank you God!

And NO she is not pregnant!

I wish them years of happiness, love and respect for one another!

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Feeding the Hungry and Homeless

I received my A2Z challenge shirt the other day and MyHubby finally took a picture. I am so proud! Yes, I need a haircut and picture taking is not for me, but we have to make memories :)

I don't go to Wallyworld often. I hate it with a passion.  I have many reasons to hate it. There are idiotic rude people. The store is so big I am exhausted when I walk out of there. You can't find employees to help you find something. They seemingly stock products in a different place every time I go. They stock product in places where you scratch your head and ask yourself, "Why here?" 

I thank God every day I have MyHubby who will do the grocery shopping after work since he passes by two of them. Since we've moved to the country, it is more of a drive to go there.

 But sometimes when I go into town I'll stop at Wallyworld when we need something.

At one of the entrances of the parking lot, there is a grassy area with a big tree where people who I assume are homeless sit there. I have come to the conclusion that they are homeless because they have their buggies or strollers with their stuff. Sometimes they have signs. 

Normally, I may go to Wallyworld once a month although I've gone a few times this month after visiting my adorable sweet Hospice patient, The last few times I've seen the same lady sitting under the tree. She wears a pink or red handkerchief in her hair, green high-water pants and a brown buttoned down shirt. She has a stroller full of stuff I can't see but every time I think it is going to topple over if she adds one more thing.

That day I drove into Wallyworld and saw her sitting in the same place. There was a nice red Ford truck parked right in front of her. There were no other cars near there so I cynically and wrongfully thought she wasn't homeless. She was just acting homeless.

In my defense, I've seen "homeless people" with signs asking for food, job or money. I have given some money. But one day I saw this man receiving dollar bills sitting in a traffic jam. Then he ran to a  brand new car and drove away. Ever since then I am very leery of people appearing as though they are homeless. I am sure most are homeless but how can you really tell?

Anyway, after my shopping  I was driving through the parking lot to head home. I was chomping on a wing I had bought from the deli. It was so crispy and delicious.  When I passed the lady again, my conscious was getting the better of me. What if that red truck is not hers?

As I was waiting for traffic I watched in my rear view mirror wondering how can someone sit there acting homeless with a nice red Ford truck. 

Traffic cleared and I was crossing the intersection when I glanced in my rear view mirror.  At that very moment I saw a man get into the red truck and drive off.

Shame on me!  I scolded myself and asked God for forgiveness.

As I drove I had a nagging thought that I should give her the rest of my wings. It wasn't much but more than she seemed to have.

My stomach was saying otherwise.That first wing was so good!

But then again she probably needs food more than I do. After all, I just bought enough groceries for at least three meals and snacks to add to what I had in my pantry, freezer and refrigerator.

I know that feeling of hunger. I know that feeling of relief and appreciation when my Mom slipped me $20 bucks which I bought groceries to put food on the table for BabyGirl and I after my divorce from her father.

Something was gnawing at me. About a half mile later, I turned around in a different parking lot and drove back to Wallyworld. I don't know why I was hesitant at all.

I parked in a spot where I could watch her. I know it's creepy. As I stared at her I saw she was really skinny and seemed malnourished about my age. I watched motorists pass her. Some glancing at her. Some ignoring her completely.

I think we are all guilty of intentionally not looking because we either don't know what to do or don't want to deal with it. After all, we have our own problems. Right?

I don't know why it was pulling me so much. I passed this lady so many times. Why was it affecting me this way THAT day?

I really wanted to go home and eat my crispy chicken.

But I knew since I was drawn to this situation I HAD to do something or I would feel guilty.

I said to myself, "Screw it." 

I drove to her rolling my window down. When I stopped in front of her she looked at me. I put out the bag of wings and offered it to her.  She hesitated.

I encouragingly said,"I know it is not much but here's some wings." 

There were 10 wings. I was going to eat 3 and make supper out of the other 7 for MyHubby and I.  

She stood up, walked towards me and I smiled at her. 

She took the bag with her dirty skeleton hands, gummy-smiled at me  and said, "Thank you! Thank you! God bless you!"

I said, "Your welcome sweetie. God bless you and have a beautiful day!"

As I drove away a weight was lifted off my shoulders and my heart became warmer. 

As I was at the intersection I had crossed over twice before waiting for traffic I glance into my rear view window. She had put the bag of chicken on top of the stroller and was digging in her stroller. Clothes, bottles and other items fell out.  I wondered what she was doing.

Then she took out what appeared to be a blue baby blanket. She daintily unfolded and shook the blanket like it was a piece of silk. Then she put it on the grass where she had been sitting. She passed her hand on the blanket like she was making sure it was neat and smooth. She sat down, opened the bag and began to eat.

The way she was preparing the blanket it was like she was getting ready for something important or elegant. She had been sitting on the grass and for chicken wings she pulled out something to sit on. I have thought about that moment a lot since that day.

A few tears flowed down my face on my way home. I had a mixture of emotions, especially sadness for all the people like her.  When I returned home I fixed half a peanut butter sandwich. As I ate, I savored the taste of the peanut butter and jelly. 

When I told Hubby later my tears flowed. Sad tears for the homeless. Happy tears for the thought I did make a little difference. I told him next time I see her I'm going to buy her and I a meal. Then I'm going to bring it to her and sit down with her and get to know her. 

Hubby told me to be careful and remember I couldn't help everyone and to ask myself how much I really wanted to get involved. It ticked me off because he was ruining my happy moment and being negative. I know he didn't mean it that way. He is just concerned because he knows me so well. He doesn't want me to get hurt.

He may be right but we all have to start somewhere. I think if everyone shared what they had, especially food, there wouldn't be so many people hungry. 

Isaiah 58:19 If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.

Until Next Time..