Sunday, February 27, 2011

Some Things Men Say

Last night, my love and I were snuggling in his Papasan Chair. We had just finished watching Panic. It was an okay movie.

I was convincing myself out loud that I don't have to really shower because I had showered that morning but I had to change underwear at least.  MyLove encourages me, "Well baby, instead of changing your underwear, why don't you put your underwear inside out and wear them that way?" I had to let that statement absorb in my pea brain for a second and then I just burst out laughing. I couldn't believe that was his solution. He was joking for sure!

That sprung a memory of my ex. Our child was growing fast and I had told him that I had to buy her more pants because she was growing out of them, they were high water. He suggested that I take a pair of pants that were short, cut a piece of it off and sew it on the other pair of pants. He was very serious about it. He said that's what his mom did. I informed him we were living in the 90's not the 60's.

As I was falling asleep, I was thinking how different I reacted with the two men. Of course, MyLove was joking but my ex was not. As a matter of fact, my ex and I had a big fight about it. I actually couldn't believe my ex had expected me to do that.

But all in all I think all men think the same way on some things, whether they mean it or not. "SIGH"

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Dream-Church--Unintentional Religion Rant

My dream night before last started with Randal and I arriving at St. Marcellus Church, the church I grew up going to as well as where my daughter was an altar server. First of all, the parking lanes were different positions where they were before. Then the church was surrounded by portable buildings that linked together.

We entered what we thought was the church but although it looked like a church on the outside, it looked like a gym inside. I was bewildered and then my nephew ran up to us from what seems nowhere. He was around 7 years of age with his curly hair dribbling a basketball. He asked us to go play basketball. I thought why in the heck is there basketball. He offered an handicap of a few points if we played with him. I told him no, that we were here for mass. He said, “You are NO fun.” Scene change..

We walk to one of the portables that were on the side and there was a line of people going in. We got to the entrance where the holder of the holy water is to do the sign of the cross as you enter church. Randal and I dipped our finger in the holy water, did the sign of the cross and it was known to wait in line until everyone entered and did the sign of the cross. After everyone had entered the line of people walked near a confession booth. An obese man was directing us commanding that we stay in the same line, there would be no cutting or talking and we had to wait until EVERYONE finished each duty. I don't know what my confession was.

My dream skipped to us walking into the gym/church where we had began. Half of the gym was an altar with a huge cross of Jesus, bigger that I have ever seen. There were two kneelers around 5 feet long right in front of the altar withe kneeling. There were many people kneeling and of course we had to wait for everyone to finish. We found a place on the floor as we finished and waited for the others. As we waited, I whispered to MyLove, that this waiting was ridiculous. He loudly SHH's me! I continued to mumble. It just seemed like it was a very long ordeal in my dream.

Finally, after everyone was finished a man came to the altar and started his sermon. Don't remember the sermon but after, he said, “Let's eat.” Evidently we didn't know to bring anything to eat or drink but most of everyone else had a ice chest.

A young teenage boy approaches and told us we could buy our lunch so I gave him a twenty for two sandwiches and 2 cokes. He returns with the food and was about to walk off. I reminded him that I had change coming. He said he'll be back. He returns with 2 cokes and candy bars. I inquired what those were for. He said, “That's your change.” I said, “No! I want my 10+.” He retorted that I got my change pointing at the coke and candy. I was totally frustrated...and then I woke up..

Analysis: Maybe God is telling me he wants me to go to church more. However, if the church hadn't pretty much excommunicated us, we would go to church. But after I found out by a priest since a) I was married in a catholic church in order to be in “GOOD FAITH IN THE CHURCH”S EYES I would have to get it annulled to remarry again in the church. I understand that, been there and done that. But being MyLove and I are “living in sin” and having intimacy, the priest cannot absolute me from my sins because what I am doing is a sin and I would just turn around and commit the sin again. I understand that too.

However, they want $$$ for the annulment and I went through it after my first doomed marriage from the start. They ask many questions that I found was not any of their business WHATSOEVER. They could annul it or then they can reject it with my money, no refund. MyLove was married but not in a Catholic church so he has no worries except living with me in sin.

So I guess we are doomed to hell if it is the priest's decision. That conversation with the priest just turned us off. We feel it's nonproductive to go to mass. We read our bibles and I pray every morning and every night. I have the confidence to know GOD will accept us in his kingdom. I have God in MY heart. I don't need a priest to be the mediator.

I believe the Catholic Church needs to conform where our world is at now. I'm not saying to do away with the commandments, I'm just saying it's quite disturbing that a “MAN OF GOD” will tell me I will never be right with God if I continue to live in sin. Even if MyLove and I marry, which would be with the Justice of the Peace, in the Catholic Church's view, we are still doomed because of not having that piece of paper from the Diocese stating my marriage was anulled.

I don't think God would have wanted me to get married again and then it wouldn't work out and cause the pain,suffering and financial strain I went through my previous marriages and divorces. And I thought my last marriage was a good one at first, if I am honest,. However, the last years of the marriage was complete disastrous. It was so dysfunctional I cried every night after I left because I realized how bad it really was and God took his time in showing me what to do.But he did come through.

They wonder why people are leaving the Catholic Church. I can tell you numerous reasons but this wasn't started as a religion rant. I DO believe there is a God and always will.

Dream-Daughter's Genitals

All of a sudden I have all these ideas to write about but  never get to transfer them to paper(Or website in this case).

First-My dream last night. (I started the post about my dream night before last but its so long I'll have to post it later. It was totally weird.

My daughter and I were in the bed with bright sunlight. I was talking to a former coworker. I was a transcription for a local doctor years back. She was asking me about a report that I had submitted 4 months before. I told her that I had sent it already. She was adamant that she needed the report tomorrow because they were going to court. Layla and I's laptops were on the bed and I was trying to get to the document but the computer was eratic. In the meantime, my daughter puts her hands in her pants and pulls out a penis! Yes, a penis! The head was like a crown but indented like  the inside of a tooth's cavity. That is the only way to describe it. So as I was talking to the coworker, I was slapping Layla to put the penis back in her pants while also thinking what the hell is she doing with a penis.

The coworker and I were going back and forth with her insisting that I hadn't given her the report and me adamantly telling her I certainly did. I finally told her that I had to get off the phone to find it and I would call her back.

I woke up..

Analysis: That was the weirdest dream I ever had LOL.

I called Layla this morning to tell her what I dreamed. She laughed her butt off. I think MyLove has confirmed I am absolutely crazy.

Monday, February 21, 2011

An Inspiration-Father of Special Needs Children

I've been following a father who has 11 children with 3 of them having special needs. Two have severe cerebral palsy. On Facebook, this man always writes moments of their lives, mostly with humor. He has a website that everyone should check out. He has a video summarizing his life and the special needs kids. His facebook ID is Roy L Ellis.

I've watched the video many times and every time it never fails that my heart becomes heavy. It's such an inspiration.

At first I thought this could have been me. I was lucky to not have CP as severe as these girls, Emma and Hope. But then again, there is nothing to feel lucky about because these kids are so loving and smart, even with the severity of their disabilities. They are indeed special! They are a gift of God to these parents who took it and approached it with nothing but love and compassion. You can see in the words of this man how happy he is and proud of these kids accomplisments.

I can't seem to explain exactly how I feel. I admire this man. I see the kids and know God is watching over this family. I always comment that he is an angel and he is. He takes each day and finds humor and hope in every situation.

I hope he doesn't mind me writing and posting this but his post about the daughter-dance just inspired me to write although I have failed to express my true feelings.

Alot of people should see the video and follow Roy, It can make your perspective of things more positive.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

How Do I TItle This--Dream...SIlent Meal, Overdue Book Not Overdue?

My dream last night started with Layla and I driving to Avery Island. We couldn't get passed the toll both so we parked in the parking lot and we started walking. We walked the whole island bantering. She would tell me I was walking too slow and I told her to stop walking too fast. I told her she wasn't going to get there any faster walking that fast (I know it does not make sense but its exactly what I said LOL).

As we were walking, Nanny whizzed by with Aunt Carol and Uncle Glenn. Nanny is my dad's stepmother, Uncle Glenn is my dad's half-brother and Aunt Carol is my Uncle Trac'y's wife, another half brother to my dad  I wondered to Layla why they didn't stop to pick us up.

We finally get to the resturant..It was near to where the salt mine is where i used to live. Nanny and them hadn't arrived. You could order just about anything. I had enchiladas and tacos and Layla had what looked like pig in the blankets. We sit down to eat and the other 3 finally get there.

It was weird because my Uncle Glenn came sit with us but said very little. Nanny and Aunt Carol sat at  a table 2 tables behind us. I wondered why they wouldn't come sit with us but we ate in..silence. Uncle Glenn seemed like he didn't want to be there.

All of a sudden,he gets up and goes to the cash register. He returns with a receipt of 183,00. I thanked him for buying our meals. He just shrugged. So I asked Layla how much money she had so we can leave a tip. She had $5 and I had $20. So I put the 20 on the table. Layla picked it up and said, "Don't leave anything, they didn't even wait on us." I took it out of her hand, slammed it on the talbe and told her to leave the money there.

We started walking back. Layla and I continued our dream changed.

We were at a library and the librarian said we had to hurry.  I only had enough time to pick one book.

When  I went to check it out the librarian asked if I had my library card. I told her it was down in my purse and didn't feel like digging for it.

She takes the book and says, "Fifty cents."

 I asked, "Fifty cents?"

 She responds, "Yes, it is overdue."

 I laughed and said, "I didn't even check it out yet."

She looks on the inside of the book and announces the book was due yesterday. I got flustered and said, "Let me get this straight! I don't have time to get more than one book because you say you are suppose to be closing when its not even closing time, I pick a book and you say its fifty cents and its overdue when I didn't even check out the book."

She looks at me with a sarcastic grin. I dig in my purse and hand  her my library card. 

She annoucnes again "Fifty cents."

Frustrated,  I turn to Layla and asked her if she had any money. She asked what I needed money for, holding an armful of books.

I told her what the librarian said. She looked confused and said, "Why pay 50 cents?"

I shrugged and we looked at the librarian who was not even paying attemtion to us. Then I woke up.

Analysis: Do I really want to even try? Well the money on the table might be from watching, "What Would You DO?". There was a segment about a guy stealing a waitress' tip off the table.

Nanny is deceased. I haven't seen my uncles and aunts on dad's side for years.

Layla and I bantering..well that's us sometimes.

I haven't been able to remember my dreams for several nights and this is one I remember. "SIGH"

Friday, February 18, 2011

Should Physical Education Be Mandatory? Why?

Yes, I think PE should be mandatory. Kids need excerise with most of them staying in the house being couch potatoes or playing video games. However, it should be not competitive. Also the coaches should look at each student individually and realize their strengths and weaknesses. THey should try to work on their weaknesses or modify the exercise to their ability.

When I was in elementary and high school, it was mandatory until the 11th grade I believe.

In elementary, I was expected to participate in PE but they graded me by my ability. Some teaches even modified it for me. Like when we played kickball, they knew it was hard for me to run and kick, so they allowed me to wait for the ball to come to me then kick. Some of the kids purposely allowed me to get to the bases sometimes. I had a blast.

When I got to Junior High, there was adaptive PE which 90% of the time we just clowned around, did homework or slept. Occasionally we played games that took little energy like Badminton or bowling with rubber balls and pens.

When I got to High school, 10 th grade, I had this coach who was a jerk. At first, especially during warm ups, he would pick on me and embarrass me every day without fail until parent teacher day.

Example for situps. He allowed the girls to bend their knees. So we were to put our hands behind our heads and pull up for our chest to hit out knees with our feet staying flat on the ground. It was impossible for me. If I placed my hands on the ground I could do it. Otherwise my feet came up for me to actually come up. He would yell, "Landry, feet on floor" and other snide remarks. I would do one sit up to the rest of the class 5 LOL.

For jumping jacks, when I would jump and move my arms, I would a) stumble and almost fall, b) as i stumbled I would almost bump into another student.  On a rare occasion, I would stumbe through 3 consecutive, I ended up in someone else's space. I couldn't stay in one place.

The coach's remarks made me hate PE that year. I dreaded that hour. Then Parent-Teacher conference came along. I had told mom a few things because I was afraid my grade would be affected. Well after the conference, mom told me to continue to do what I can do. Thereafter, the coach never made another embarrassing remark to me. I did my sit ups with my hands on the floor, I still did less than the class but I tried. For jumping jacks, I would jump without moving my arms.

Thinking back, I think the coach was not comfortable nor educated to deal with kids with disabilities. To me common sense should have told him I couldn't do like the others. I didn't expect to be excused of what I should have been doing. However, he could have worked with me to devise  a plan or just encourage me. He pretty much ignored me after and I felt very self conscious around him.

The semester I went to college, I had to take a form of PE. I took bowling. The instructor was a young teacher and he immediately saw my problem. I couldn't do the steps and throw the ball because I hit the gutter as I stumbled. He was afraid I would roll down the lane with the ball sometimes. I did too LOL. He worked with me for about a week strategizing. Then one day as class started, he announced to the class that due to my limitations I was allowed to skip the steps, stand by the line and throw the ball. If anyone had any problem to contact him. I guess no one did. It was sorta embarrasing to be center of attention that day but I understood what he was doing. He was avoiding people wondering or talking among each other I wasn't doing it right or cheating, although obviously it wouldn't have been the case.  I had fun. I didn't get all strikes but I was playing  and I had fun.

With obesity as well as other reasons mentioned earlier I don't think PE wouldn't hurt anyone. It's only an hour. It'll probably be the only hour the kid moves throughout the day. I don't think they should be monitored with state exercise test etc, like the Presidential test or whatever it was called. My child had to do the Presidential test and there was so much stress in trying to get what they were suppose to be at. Everyone is different. The instructor, coach or whoever should be required to closely monitor the ridicule some kids could get and squash it right away. The students should be graded according to their own ability and participation

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ready to Plunge Someone'from their Paradise

Background: When my daughter was a minor, I looked forward to the time that she would turn 18 because I THOUGHT I would be done with communicating with Ex. He and I divorced about 6 years ago. The courts ordered to alternate years to claim our child. I don't file taxes because I don't have earned income. I just get disability.

This year's taxes are the last time our daughter can be claimed, or so I think. She is trying to get financial aid to help her through college but she can't get it with HIS income so I decided to file so I can have a copy of my income that she can use.

Well, my ex evidently has been filing all the years,even the years that were my years.

I let him know  via email (Since I can't seem to talk to him because 1) He hangs up on me because he disagrees with what I have to say or 2) His wife (who has no business being in OUR daughter's business) always ends up talking to me.) that I was filing and claiming her this year. I thought I was going to be nice and gave him a heads up.

He responds abruptly as always with a url of a website stating that I don't have to file. Which technically does not resolve the situation.

 I pondered and investigated. I was someone confused with the IRS and legalities.

On Super Bowl night when I returned for a party I saw my daughter had called me 3 times so I called her back and she was near hysterical. She had mentioned to ex that I was claiming her and he told her that if SHE allowed me to claim her, he was going to make her pay for her health insurance and much more.

What kind of father would do that to their daughter? He is such an asshole.

I decided to call a lawyer. After a couple of days, the intern or assistant called me and said I could file a fraud complaint. But I got the idea that she did not really understand what I was saying.

So yesterday, I leave heer with an address in my hand for the local IRS office. I couldn't find the address. So I went park in a parking lot and called my mom thinking she could look for it in the phone book but she was having a hard time finding it. As I was rustling through papers I noticed a phone number on my SSA-1099. I hung up from my mom and called the IRS number. After pressing English, and various number keys as stated by the automation I had to go through 2 representatives with 20 lettered-names to get to who I needed to get to. I finally figured out that I had read the freaking address wrong. It was 4201-A when I was reading 420-1A. DUH ME.

After an hour of phone tag drove to the IRS place and waited another hour to see the IRS rep.

It was sorta comical in the waiting room. There was a lady there to see who claimed her child because when she went to do her income tax online, it spit her back out because someone else had claimed her. There was two guys and a woman having their family banters etc.

When I was finally called here's what I learned for all those of you who may need this information.
1) My matter is a civil matter as ex disobeyed a court order so he is contempt of court. She advised me to get a lawyer and put it through the courts.
2) I can file the fraud report and it could put a red flag on his tax form to check further in. He can owe money but its not a guarantee.

So I am in process of finding a lawyer. I will pursue this because he's been riding his high horse all these years like nothing can get him. He is downright cruel to our daughter.

MY LOVE keeps saying it is a darn shame that we need to go through court to have a court order enforced. He has a great point there.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when ex gets a phone call or mail from the IRS. Oh I know he will be royally ticked off but so be it. It won't be the first time he'll be royally ticked off at me.

I shall update what's going on as it occurs.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

It's Been Awhile

It's been a while since I've blogged. Just been busy and not in the mood. It's like I have nothing to write about when I sit here but when I lay in bed at night, I run all kinds of ideas through my head, even stories. I have a pad at my bedside but I know if I start writing, I'll never stop and never sleep.

I'll probably write a few different entries today as I have been working on some.

This is a question I would love to hear the answer from anyone who reads, as odd as it is. Its been something I've thought about every night lately.

When you close your eyes at night, what do you see? Is it just dark as night? Faces? ETC.

Lets see if I can explain what I see and have seen. Lately the background is black as night but there are different colored shapes, mostly triangles moving around like a Microsoft Windows saver. And although its not actually seen, I can see the invisible vision of faces sometimes, food, etc. Last night the "vision" was my child, my ex and crawfish. I can understand those.

Do not confuse these with dreams. I'm talking about right when you close your eyes to fall asleep before you call asleep.

I remember when I was getting divorced several years ago, I hated closing my eyes because I would see my ex's face in various contorted expressions. It was downright scary.

Anyway, if you would like to share what you see when you close your eyes at night, I'd love to hear it.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Should Your State Be An Automatic Donor State

Should Your State Be an Automatic Donor State?

I am a registered donor. It's on my driver's license, MY Love knows it, my parents know it and my daughter (if she remembers) know it. It is MY choice. After I am gone, if any of my organs can help anyone or they can be studied and learn something to help another person that's grand. I figured why bury me with organs others can use. That's just me. Some people want to be buried with what they came onto this earth with and that's great. It is their choice.

Colorado is trying to make it an automatic donor state which means when you die, its not your preference what's going to happen to your body. They can take your organs when you die and put it in someone else. Like one person against it says I would be afraid they would let me die because they need my organs for someone who they want to save. Colorado already has 65.5% of their population who are donors. Their organ donation population is the highest of all states.

Why make it a law? It's utterly nonsense.. Here comes the government trying to control more of your life. It is YOUR BODY. You were born with it. You should have that choice of what happens after you die.

That's My Opinion and I'm Sticking to It!