21 Years Ago...

God blessed me with BabyGirl who turns legal today. She has been my pride and joy. She has been my  reason to keep living.  She has been a daughter I would never have dreamed of having.

I look back through the years and see how she has grown and matured. 21 years ago, when I held her for the first time I remembered thinking I hope I can be a great mom.  

I had so many worries. Worried if I can be the mom she needed. Worried if she would hate me because I wasn't like other moms. I worried I wouldn't be alive to see her grow up to be an independent woman.   There were so many worries. Some I still worry to this day, about different things. But that's what MOMS do. I guess it is part of our job.

God has blessed me with this awesome, accepting, loving, compassionate beautiful daughter and I thank him DAILY.

I wanted to do something special. After all, she reached a milestone. She is now a legal adult who can drink alcohol. At first, I just planned to take her out with Hubby and I.  And she was okay with that. We were going to go to Olive Garden.

Then I started to think.  This is a special moment in her life. A milestone.  I know being with us would be totally fine with her but then an idea started to form.

What if I could give her a surprise party with both her families?? Not too big, just parents, grandparents and her step siblings and Nanny and Parain and a few friends. Her friends weren't able to make it as they had to work but I have to give it to her BFF/roommate, "K'. Because she kept the secret. She was awesome and has earned my trust!

Her father and I cannot have a conversation. It is what it is. But what if we can put our differences aside and join together to make OUR daughter a special day for her this year.

So I contacted her stepmother. Her stepmother and I communicate better than my ex and I. I love her. I know that is weird but she is a genuine good person. I don't know how they ended up together but she has to deal with him and she has been like another mother to my daughter.

I attempted to make reservations at Olive Garden but after a long discussion, they said they don't take reservations. It's first come, first serve. That is for another post.

So I went to Plan B. I called Johnny Carino's and they took reservations for 20 people. So we were set.

I made BabyGirl believe we were going to Olive Garden. I promised her I would buy her glass of wine but we had to drive her there and back. When Hubby and I picked her up, I told her that I had called Olive Garden but they wouldn't take reservations and it would be 1-1/2 hour wait so we decided to go to Johnny Carino's  She said okay.

When we got there everyone was waiting for her. When she walked in she was surprised! She said, "Holy Sh-t".  Her stepmother reprimanded her about the language but I GOT HER GOOD with the surprise!

BabyGirl walking in with Hubby. I was behind them. See her face? LOL!

We all had a good time. She told me later we don't know how much it meant to her that we all got together for her! And that was my goal, to make her see how special she is. SO special that everyone came to help celebrate!

The food was great and our waitress was awesome! 

Here are some more photos I have selected from her birthday.

BabyGirl, Hubby and I! (I hate pics with me in them)

Babygirl holding her stepneice Peyton, my sister (Her Nanny) and my brother-in-law Ted.

So as not to give her suspicious, we gave her gift at her apartment. The funny thing is her father and I gave her the SAME card! That was all too weird.

BabyGirl and her Granny and PaPa (My parents)

BabyGirl and her dad and awesome Stepmom

I am so thankful that it all came together as it did.  I am thankful that I actually pulled it off because that smile on her face was all worth it!

Happy 21st Birthday BabyGirl!

You May Think Twice Grabbing a Grocery Basket....

It sucks to have an Autoimmune disorder (AI). Compound it with every other chronic medical malady you may have, it is indescribable.

You'd think I would get used to being sick or having off- the-wall crap happen to me.  However, as I age, it's like I don't want to deal with it anymore.

It's not that I am giving up or have a death wish. I just get...I can't think of the word.

Maybe....Disappointed? Discouraged? I don't know.

I am awed with some of my doctors how much my little body has endured through the years and I am still here. When I go to a new physician they look at my history and say wow!

Here is my latest medical craziness I have endured and conquered.

One day I woke up feeling drained and felt something wasn't right but couldn't pinpoint the problem.  I 'existed' for a few days with no energy.  I thought it was my sinuses/allergies/asthma flaring because the weather has been humid and rainy. My throat had been scratchy off and on as well as laryngitis. I remember feeling feverish but I seldom run fever when I am sick so I never take my temperature. I didn't have a thermometer anyway. (I do now though)

A few days later I woke up with sores in my mouth and a rash on my hands and feet.

It was difficult to eat because of the sores. I thought okay I get these mouth ulcers time to time. Although they are usually on the outside and not inside.  I swished with the mouthwash my dentist gave me then an hour later, I swished with Dr Tichenor's, the mouthwash I usually use when I have mouth ulcers. I normally dab a little of Dr Tichenor's full concentration or Gly-Oxide.

 My hands itched and some little pustule sores were appearing. I thought it looked different from my usual psoriasis I occasionally get .But I didn't really give it a second thought.   I applied some cortisone cream.

My feet were worse. I had a big area of pustule sores on the soles of my feet. They itched and hurt at the same time. The itch so bad I wanted to scratch my skin off. I could hardly walk because it hurt so bad when I put pressure on the sores.

The beginning

I finally get to my doctor a few days later. It was full blown by then. He announces that it seems to be Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. Do not confuse it with the foot and mouth disease that attacks cattle sheep etc. It is a different virus.

I thought, "Oh great! What else is going to invade my body?"

My doctor explained it to me and BabyGirl, who had taken the ride with me.

Hand, mouth and foot disease is seen mostly in children. It is a highly contagious viral bug. There are several ways of transmission.

Personal contact such as "saliva swapping' as my Doc puts it is one way for it to be transmitted  I only 'saliva swapped" with Hubby.  Hubby had no symptoms.

Or in the air like someone coughing and sneezing.  I had not been around many people.

Or touching something a person with the virus touched.

As I started deducting where I could possibly have caught this. I was at a lost. I don't go out much and prior to the visit I had only gone to the grocery story a couple days earlier.

He proceeded to tell us  that grocery cart baskets are the worse for germs.  Kids put their mouths on them, slobbering or wipe their nose. We both said,"Ewwww." I think that was the most likely way I acquired it.

Think about it. I am sure every parent has reprimanded their kid for putting their mouth on the basket handle or where it shouldn't be. I happened to just search for more information and out of curiosity  Here is an article that may interest you about the germs on those baskets.

I already knew that bit of information but when someone says it like that, it wakes you up. It makes you want to wear gloves or have Handi-wipes with you every where you go and wipe every surface before you touch it.

He said it was rare in adults but with my medical history and low autoimmune system I was one of the rare adults.

Such joy! Not!

Yep, leave it to me to catch some off the wall virus that adults rarely get.

It usually runs its course in 7-10 days . But with my medical history and to rush it along he gave me 7 days of very high dose Prednisone which helped tremendously.

I felt like a leper as the sores grew than slowly scabbed. Most of the scabs fell off so I am normal now, I think. As 'normal' as I ever will be anyway. HA!

You don't realize how much you hug and love on your spouse until you can't do it. I'm a touchy-feely type of person and those days were the roughest not to even be able to kiss him good night. 

It was a grueling week.

However, I survived and continue to move on to other craziness God has planned for me.

I bet next time you go to a grocery store and grab a basket you will think about what I said about the germs. Bring those Handiwipes or as the article said, wash your hands.

I sometimes laugh at my BabyGirl when she brings out her Hand Sanitizer. I am getting me some too. I don't know if it will prevent but I am sure it will help!

It Is ALWAYS Somethin'!'

This past few days have royally sucked

First:  Friday, someone stole BabyGirl's karate weapons out of her apartment. From deduction, we firmly believed it is an employee of the apartment complex she will be soon moving out of. Those weapons were worth 100's of dollars. She filled out a police report and complaint at the apartment complex. She was royally ticked off as we were.

We learned that her karate weapons can be considered weapons like guns. And if these weapons were used, if she hadn't filed a police report she could have been held accountable. I think she relayed that to the office.

Lo and behold a few days later the apartment complex "found" them in a trash bag in the back of their offfice.  They said they went in to inspect and thought she had moved out so they cleaned it. Excuse me? I think that was a huge crock of BS.  Yes, she is moving next week but all of her stuff is still there. It made no sense. Management needs to have better communication with their staff IF that was so. But we are so relieved to have them back.

Friday night and Saturday: I had diarrhea and felt like crap with this virus I have. i continue to feel sick..but such as my life. 

Then Monday rolls along.

If you have read my previous posts, our home buying has been a complete nightmare Its been six months since we moved in. We had to turn in a "Punch List" for them to come out and fix things They told us to wait a month or two for everything to be settled. We started calling a couple of months back. They said the manufacturer was going to call for an inspection. We were unavailable for the day so we told them to call the next day. Well they leave a message on the day we told them not to call. Never heard back. We returned the call and had to leave the message. No return call.

Contacted the dealer again and as it always has been,  a runaround.

Here is the correspondences:

Hubby send the first one. I put parenthesis because due to potential future legal ligation I don't want to state the name of businesses.

SUNDAY 12:05 PN

Ok, it has been close to six weeks since I first contacted you and nothing has happened! I have contacted (Dealership) several times and so has my wife. Seems like I will have to go there in person, though even that has not worked in the past, which I will do Monday afternoon. 

I do not care who fixes or not fixes, or who the middle man is I just want it fixed. I purchased the home from you and that is who I deal with. Foreign concept I know, but in my experience a person usually deals with who they bought from. 

Whatever needs to be done needs to be done!! I have been patient and tried to be reasonable, but after what I went through buying this house and now waiting over a month (6 months after moving in) for some contact there is a real problem here!

(Manufacturer) called me for a 2 question survey on a 6 month follow up which was a waste of time. No one is really concerned! Why? Are you really trying to delay this until work does not have to be because warranty period is over!! I guess BBB and lawyers are my next step.  

If you wish, although you will be seeing me in the afternoon, you can call Lisa during the day at 

(MY PHONE NUMBER)

The girl who works there called me back and asked what I needed to be done. I told her we sent her an email six months ago with the list and thought the Manufacturer was supposed to come inspect it. She promised she would call the manufacturer and call me sometime that day. She also informed me of that the owner Hubby was going to talk to was on vacation. We didn't believe that.

She also said sometimes the manufacturer is backed up and hires them to hire their contractors. I grumble and said "Great! Ya'll suck." They have shoddy contractors. They have them come 30-90 miles away and we were not impressed with ANY of them.

Of course she never called back.

That night I sent this email:

SENT: Monday, August 05, 2013 6:32 PM
 I talked to Tammie this morning and she promised she would call me back today (Monday, August 5th). No call back as promised. 

The next morning she responded:

Sent: Tuesday, August 6, 2013 8:30 AM
 I was waiting to hear from the (Manufacturer) that is why I hadn’t called you. I am calling them this morning and will get back with you on this. I am sorry I didn’t call you and let you know what was going on yesterday, but I really rather have an answer for you than nothing.

I was trying to be nice and responded:

Sent: Tuesday, August 6, 2013 9:27 AM
Okay thanks for getting back with me this morning. Just trying to stay in touch...rather it be email or phone..much appreciated.

She rattled off 2 minutes later:
Sent: Tuesday, August 6, 2013 9:29 AM
As soon as I get in touch with them I’ll ither e-mail are call you. I had to leave a message again this morning, but if they don’t call back in a few minutes I will call them again.

My response: 
Sent: Tuesday, August 6th 9:34 am.

Okay thanks!

Nothing happened. No big surprise for us.

This Morning My email at 5:46 am:

Tammie,

Our patience is ending. No communication from you or (Manufacturer).

I would think since you are the dealership, getting in touch with the manufacturer would be a lot faster than this. Going on about 6 months now.

This is utterly ridiculous. 

Her responses: 

8:15 am

Lisa,

As soon as I can get some answers I will let you know.

I wasn't around to respond as I was not around and my phone does not have the internet.

9:46 Am this morning she writes:

Lisa, I will be making a work order for my guys to go out and do your repairs. Once he gets the work order he will call you to set up an appointment to do work. I am sorry it has taken so long but we will get it done. I will do what I can to get this done asap. If there is anything else I can do please get in touch with me.

10:03 am. My response:

Okay Tammie but what happened to (Manufacturer)? 

Your guys have not impressed us at all but we shall see.

Thanks for the email and run down. I'll let (Hubby) know.

So, am I missing something or does this look like a runaround? 

Just to name a few items on our punch list:
Dishwasher has not worked since Day 1.
They turned off the faucet outside that they shouldn't even had fooled with.
Some moldings are coming off.
The doors are not properly installed. I cannot get out of my front door. I keep telling Hubby if there is a fire in the laundry room, I am freaking screwed because I can't get out of the front door. I maybe can break a window..but it is not the point.
A shelf in my pantry was not installed properly and it fell down.

To add to that aggravation, Monday, our mail box was smashed. It is the second mail box we have had that has been smashed in six months. It looks like someone just passed by and hit the pole really hard. If you look close the yellow flag is between the pole and purple debris.

Hubby came home around 3 pm and saw the mailbox standing up with nothing wrong with it. He came into the house for maybe 15 minutes then went back out and saw the mailbox on the ground.

We called the Sheriff's office. It took 4 phone calls and an hour for them to get here. The dispatcher gave the cop the wrong address at first. Hubby told them the address and highway number. How hard can it be? It is not hard to find. The parish is not that big. But it shows where are our tax money is going. Nowhere. When we were going through getting everything done in getting the permits etc for  the home the parish employees kept saying it was somewhere where it wasn't or they had no clue what was going on.

Yep our taxes are paying for these morons.

Anyway, the third time the dispatcher put Hubby through to the cop and he said he was on the wrong road but in the area. 40 minutes passed. FINALLY, the cop comes. He said he had several backed up calls. No crap. It takes long when they don't know their roads. We never see them patrolling. We'll see the State Trooper but never the police or sheriff. 

I don't know. I think our public service people such as cops should at least know their area.

He asked if we had any enemies. We said no but we've had our spats with 2 neighbors.

The one in the back used to pop fireworks and use the land when we were not here. We could tell because there were firework debris and the other neighbors told us. Hubby talked to them and everything seems fine.

The man next door threatened to get a nuisance order a couple of weeks ago because he insists our broken down shed which we are intending to do something about, is harboring wild animals that are getting into his garden eating his veggies. My first reaction was that building has been that way for years, before we moved here. Why mention it now? We've been here for six months, why wait so long to mention it?

MORONS ARE EVERYWHERE!

Secondly, how does he know it is from our yard? Yes, the shed is right by the fence at our property lines. But there is a freaking bayou behind a patch of woods right across the street.  Hubby told him to do what he had to do. But things settled since. And we honestly don't think he would do something like busting our mailbox.

Oh and this man who is bitching, is the same man HUBBY allowed to use a portion of the land for a garden FOR FREE when we weren't here. SO When the man brought the mess up Hubby reminded him that the piece of land he used needs to be put back the way it was. The man has since got it to the way it should be for the most part. But so much for being neighborly. 

In the end,the cop said he would make a report but nothing much else he can do. 

So this morning I moseyed on down to the Post office since the postal lady didn't stop yesterday to see about our mail. Here is how the conversation went:

I informed the Post Master about our mailbox not being up and requested any advice to put up the mailbox without it being able to be destroyed again. 

He advised I needed to be careful because if we have it in brick or cement and someone runs into it and gets injured or killed they could make us liable. 

I raised my hands and probably rolled my eyes. "But our box is being destroyed, twice in six months,; I exclaimed. 

 Post master repeats: "I am telling you someone gets hurt, you are liable I wouldn't put a very strong pole, brick or cement." 

So I asked him for an alternative.

He said I could rent a box for 32 bucks a year and be through with it. 

 I was flabbergasted and just outdone and asked, "Why should I have to fork up 32 bucks to rent a box? That means we have to come to the PO to get our mail WHEN the mail can be delivered at my home? 

I thought but didn't verbalize, "WTF!"

 He shrugged and said, "You don't have to check it every day."

He didn't get my point and I think this is all bullshit. I am so tempted to brick the damn thing or put cement and let someone try to destroy it and hurt themselves and see what happens. 

Out of all the mailboxes on this highway, we get ours destoryed. We are not at a corner. The box was where it was supposed to be.  

I did read the guidelines of putting up a mailbox and the PostMaster was right for the most part but I still think it is all BS when someone is intentionally knocking our mail box down.

Hubby and I only want a simple life. We don't bother anyone. We stay to ourselves. We pray together.  We have been trying to serve God. We have gone back to Church. I pray every single day and read Scriptures. I try to do right with God and I think I do a pretty good job. 

But....

Nothing is ever easy. We feel like we are cursed.

I Fell and Was Able To Get Upi

I had been hunkered down in my home feeling like a leper. I have had sores in my hands, mouth and feet. I was miserable. I finally got a diagnosis last week, ridiculously unusual as always for me. Doc said I have Mouth, Foot and Hand infection. Gee whiz. He said its viral and I could have gotten it anywhere. And my autoimmune disorder doesn't help matters. He gave me an example that totally grossed my child and I.  It's for another post.

Feeling like the four walls closing in on me I decided to take a walk about 100 yards to my mail box the other day. Our home is on a rather busy highway so vehicles are passing by at intervals.  As I opened the mail box a truck whizzes by and a postcard flies out.

CRAP (In the PG version)!, I yelled. To no one.

Let me remind you my balance is not normal. A fly can swish by and it'll knock me off my feet.
Okay maybe not that bad...but its pretty close. A small breeze certainly can knock me off balance.

If I should fall, it is difficult to get up if I don't have anything to help pull myself up with

Anyway, the postcard flies across the driveway landing near the edge of the ditch. So I half run/half jog to it. When I get to it I put my foot on it and realize I am in a predicament. I knew if I bent down to pick it up and a vehicle passes there would be a high probability I would fall.  I was also at a slight decline because the ditch was behind me which makes the probability higher.

There was a pile of overgrown brush inches away. As I scoped the vicinity around me, I took note that there is NOTHING to use or crawl to pull myself up if I did fall.

The thought of letting it fly away entered my mind but I knew Hubby was waiting for it as it was a confirmation of an event he is attending. I know he would have totally understood if I told him.

In addition, we have a problem with people throwing trash out their cars landing in our yard so I didn't want to add to the other neighbors littered yard.

Side Note; Please don't litter. I don't care where you are or whatever but even the hamburger wrapper, beverage cans or cigarette butts adds up. Just do NOT throw anything out your window. Think how would you feel if I would go throw trash in YOUR yard.

Anyway...I decide to go for it. Took a deep breath and ...counted..1..2..3...

I bent and fumbled..but was able to catch my balance, stand up and stabilize. Second time I bent and grabbed it picking it up.

So good so far..

Just as I was straightening a truck whooshed by. I FALL hands first into the pile of brush!

Funny, my first reaction was to look around to see if anyone saw me. No one was around. Pride intact.

I thought, "I am screwed"...then I felt the pricks, it seemed when I moved my hand the thorns dug deeper but I knew I had to get up. It reminded me of allergy skin testing but worse.

I kept saying I can do this. I have to do this. It would be an hour before Hubby returned and of course I don't want to be humiliated with someone seeing me on the ground.

So I took another deep breath. Scanned the highway both ways. I was in the clear.  So fumbling more after a few seconds I finally pushed myself up, turned around and quickly stumbled towards the house  gaining my balance more as I moved away from the highway. I probably looked like a drunk person with my wide gait and fumbling at first.

On second thought, that's probably how I look like anyway..just 4 times worse.

Its been BabyGirl's worst fear with me falling in middle of somewheres with nothing to pull myself up.

But now I know with determination and pride mixed in I know if there is a will there is a way.

If You Had A WIsh

If you had a wish what would it be? Be selfish! If you had every resource (including money) available to you what would you wish?

Hubby and I laugh if we won the lottery, we would be set. Of course, the odds are against us because we don't play it regularly. But we do dream.

Yesterday, I was in a depressed mood and vented to a dear college friend. She is a genuine good person and friend that means a lot to me. She reminded me to think about what was good in my life.

I paused and thought of the many great things in my life. My great wonderful Hubby. My beautiful child. My family and friends. My new home.

But black clouds hovered and those dark thoughts kept seeping in. At one point I wished someone would come and just shoot me. Get my life over with.

I prayed to God thanking him for the good things. I also asked him what was the purpose of life if you can't live it to the fullest.

I started writing random things..and I thought if I had one wish what would it be.

Of course MONEY was the first thing. But I shook it off. That's too practical. Money doesn't solve everything (although it sure would help LOL)

Lately, I've been praying more than usual having a chat with God. Of course he only listens. I guess he is devising a plan to answer. I don't know.

I've been asking him why can't I just have ONE year of having any negative thing happening, especially medically or financially.

Every year of my 50 years it has been one thing or another medically. Unfortunately, it seems I need to resign myself that is not going to change. I have more moments of accepting it but there are moments I feel like enough is enough!

So at first I thought my wish would be just having a healthy life. Just everything I have vanish and I can  feel what it is to feel completely healthy. And I am not particularly saying my cerebral palsy. I mean my other medical stuff.

I continue to think. I finally came to my final decision.  I know I said to be selfish. But when I look back on my back and where I am now, it is all good. I have a loving husband and we have a home and we scrape by.

My wish would be to take all the pain BabyGirl has endured due to her father and I's divorce. I wish I could give her everything to make the rest of her life easier. I am not saying making her rich but just enough money to get her by comfortably. Give her a home so she won't have to worry about rent. Give her all the tools she needs to have a carefree happy life.

I know eventually, with her ambition and hard work she will be able to make her life better. I wish it will come to a point where she will be stress free and content.

That's my ultimate wish---for BabyGIrl to be happy, stress free, contest, have all of her dreams come true.

Share your wish if you would like or comment on mine.  Love to hear from my readers.

I Have The Gangsta and Pimp Walk Going on!

Throughout my life, my walk has been described many ways. I couldn't tell you every description but there were a few that ingrained in my memory.

I recall the doctors describing me as ataxic and spastic with a wide gait. Hence,diagnosis Mixed Cerebral palsy, which means a combo. ataxia and spastic.

Ataxic gait is defined as unsteady, uncoordinated walk, employing a wide base and the feet thrown out. It's a very accurate description except for the feet thrown out.  I don't throw my feet out, or I don't think I do. BabyGirl, her father and I had once came up with "I weeble wobble but don't fall down..most of the time.

Spastic: a gait in which the legs are held together and move in a stiff manner, the toes seeming to drag and catch. My legs are not held together in my opinion but I am stiff. But I do tend to drag my feet. I still hear my mom demanding, "Pick up your feet!" It was annoying and frustrating to me as a child but as an adult I can see that I could be dragging worse than I do now.

As a child, kids used to tease and laugh call me crippled and said I walked like a duck or penguin. They would cruelly imitate and laugh. I thought they looked so ridiculous. 

As I got older my peers would tease I was a cowgirl or suggest I should get off my back with sexual overtures. I remember some idiot boys would laugh and say, "C'mon Cowgirl! Give me a ride." It was disgusting and shameful to me. I had wished they would disappear during those moments.

As I age and have grown, the name calling doesn't affect me as much. Sometimes it hurts deep inside. But for the most part I  laugh along WITH them now. I think the way it affects me depends on how it is  presented. 

For example if I am in a crowd and a kid comes yelling, laughing and pointing saying to others, "Look she walks funny" makes me uncomfortable and hurts. I want to crawl under a rock. Not because of the shamefulness but because I hate attention brought onto me in that way.

But if I am with family or friends or people I know and we start talking about it, Or even if a stranger comes quietly bringing no attention I am fine with it. Actually I embrace it and am happy to answer.

The other day I was having my day with BabyGirl and her friend was there. It was the first time I met him.  I can't remember exactly how he started as we were walking down steep stairs. I was concentrating on not tripping. He said something like "What happened, you walk like a PIMP ..or a gangsta?

It caught me by surprise because BabyGirl usually tell her friends before so there would be no awkwardness. I asked, "BabyGirl, you didn't tell him." She said no and proceeded to tell him that I had Cerebral Palsy. He responded, "Oh I am sorry." 

I just started laughing and said that was a first! I had been described many things but never a pimp or gangsta.

He apologized and I could tell he was sincere and met no harm. I wasn't offended or hurt. It just struck me funny.  

I giggled throughout the day when I thought about it.

It is amazing how different people can describe one thing so differently.

Have you been called a name that was funny? What kind of names were you called that hurt your feelings and why?

Easy Come, Easy Go Update/Generoisty of Others

In a previous post I had mentioned that the lawnmower and weed eater was broken and dental bills took the money we had saved for home improvements.

 As mentioned before, Hubby works at a Do It Yourself Home Improvement store. He is able to watch for sales. You wouldn't imagine how many people will bring an appliance to be repaired and never return to get it. Or how may appliances are damaged when they come from the warehouse. Hence they are sold at a discounted price.

On Memorial weekend, there was a 10% off sale and because he is a Veteran, he received an additional 10% off plus his employee discount.

A stand up freezer was one of my wishes when we moved here.  It wasn't a priority but finally had the space to put one. I hated having to figure out how much I could buy that would fit in the puny freezer of the refrigerator. It drove Hubby crazy when I tried cramming more than the freezer held.

He saw a freezer that was on clearance. He knew it wouldn't stay long because we've paused several deals missing out.  The only thing wrong with it was a few dents here and there which wouldn't be visible as they were on the side. And the vent was crushed at the bottom. I tried talking the salesperson down more from the already ridiculously low price before the discounts.

Hey! You can't blame a girl for trying!   He said we could call the manufacturer and they would probably send another vent.

Also, we had to get a lawnmower. The grass was growing and needed to be mowed badly. I left the decision to Hubby as he knows more about lawnmowers than I do. I assumed he would think of me when he bought it because I don't mind mowing grass.  He bought a Husqvarna which is nice and I can start it with a key. However, it is one of those mowers you have to constantly keep your foot on the gas pedal all the way down for it to move. I can do it (and will( but its hard and tiring. Hubby even said it is tiring for him. But we got it a good price and it is one of the best that we could afford.

He brought the weed eater to get repaired. It took them 2 weeks to repair it as they needed to order a part.

Later in the afternoon the day our purchases were delivered  Hubby checked the freezer  more than I did. I was just so excited and scheming how I would fill it up and with what!

We noticed that there were no dents and the vent was not crushed. Hubby said the delivery guy must have grabbed the new one as on their ticket they just have the make and model. So we got a brand new freezer similar to this.

So we got two things off the list, not in the time frame we would have liked but its our life.

But then Monday, I get a telephone call from BFF from college. We had enjoyed a BBQ at their home Saturday.

She exclaimed, "Hey, I hope you don't get mad at me."

You have to know my college BFF is a wonderful person. She has been a real friend to me. We had a lapse of communication for years due to  a misunderstanding but we reconnected and it is so nice. I love her dearly.

Her and her hubby are a pair of selfless generous people I've ever know. I am not kidding you.

"Umm...I doubt if I will be mad at you. What did you do?", I responded.

She explained her and Hubby wanted to give us a  house warming gift. I thought and said certain words, okay, not necessary and not expected but I know how she is so I was rolling with it. I was thinking a clock or picture? Something nice but not as big as what it actually is.

She said she ordered it and it will be delivered Wednesday. She went on to say if I didn't like it or the color I could call and exchange it within 48 hours or get what I wanted.

I kept thinking and saying, "Y'all didn't have to do this." She said she knew that but she was blessed and they could do this. She loved us and wanted to help us out.

Like she didn't help me before?? She had already given me a sofa and recliner when I left my ex because once again I had no furniture years ago. I know if I called her she would be there in any way she could. And I would for her certainly.

She continued to explain the store would call the next day to make arrangements etc. I was overwhelmed and surprised. i was choked up with tears. So I asked her if she was going to tell me what it was. At first she said it would be a surprise but then she relented so I'll know what it was supposed to be.

Well they were delivered yesterday. They are two reclining chairs. Very nice.

How do you say thank you and much it is appreciated it in words. To really convey how much their generosity and thoughtfulness means to us?

Has anyone done anything so nice and thoughtful for you?

Dream: Hubby Disappears at Posh Wedding

I've had some weird dreams and I often try to interpret them but sometimes there is so much in my dream and the scenes are changed frequently.

Last night I had a dream that Hubby and I were at a very elegant wedding. It was seemingly a very posh venue and hotel. The bride and groom were all cool, calm and collected. The bride was walking around in her gown and veil nonchalantly picking up and reading magazines and chatting with people. The groom was just relaxed mingling.

The venue consisted of several stories with stairs with no rails.  I was in a ballroom dress (which is really a dream for hubby) and Hubby was in a nice 3 piece suit. My whole family was there. Aunts, uncles, mom, dad, sister and her family.

Hubby and I were walking up stairs to get food, Maybe the reception was before the wedding?

Hubby said he had to go to the restroom before we went eat and left me standing there. So I waited. And waited. And waited.

I walked to the men's restroom and asked a gentleman to see if Hubby was in there. He wasn't. So I started searching for him. As I was on my search, I found a room with seemingly hundreds of tables  a of food. The food was unknown and I thought it was weird. People were at tables eating and talking. I found some of my family so I sat and ate still wondering where Hubby was.

Everyone was asking where he was.  I was getting peeved. I started searching again after I ate.

I encountered an area where  the groom announced he wanted to give his bride a gift. He looked below a balcony where the pool was. The pool was so blue and beautiful. The Groom nodded and a bunch of young men started covering the pool with a cement, something like when they cover the baseball fields when it rains.  Everyone applauded. I was so confused.

Everyone returned to mingle and my search continued for Hubby. But I looked down where the pool once was and there was a gang of boys beating up one boy. They had several on each side and kept pushing the boy back and forth between the groups. I kept telling everyone we needed to stop them. But no one did and the scene changed.

Do realize I was walking around most of the dream.

I then had to go to the restroom and my feet were tired from walking so much. When I go to the restroom, a janitor lady gave me a slip of paper to put on the door while I was using it.

Scene changed.

Obviously the wedding was over as people were walking to the exits. I had evidently went attend the wedding without Hubby. As I reached the bottom there I spot Hubby with his hands in his pockets strolling towards me. I stopped, folded my arms across my chest and glared at him.

He reached me and asked, "What?"

My temper blew. I said, "What? Where the hell were  you?"

With a confused look CALM voice he answered, "I was karaoking."

I was livid.

I yelled, "Karaoke? Are you f'ing serious? What is the matter with you? You missed the reception! you missed the wedding! You left me on the top of the stairs. You ruined our night!

He responds, " I wasn't gone that long!"

I screamed "Not gone that long? You were gone all freaking night!

I woke up.

First of all Hubby doesn't karaoke.

Second, He wouldn't just leave me like that.

Third, I wouldn't be in a ballroom gown.

It was weird and when I wake up from dreams like that I am drained. And wake up ticked off. I tell Hubby the dream and it is all better.

But Gawd! I hate those dreams!

Atlanta Hosts Show Unbecoming Character Towards a Saints ALS Player

Unless you live under a rock, I am sure you have heard.

Yesterday on an Atlantic Falcon flagship radio station three Atlanta radio hosts made fun of a man with ALS. This man happens to be a former New Orleans Saints player, Steve Gleason.

Thankfully, they were eventually fired.  Don't understand why it seemed it took so long for that decision???

You can hear the video here.

It was just downright cruel.

But does that surprise any of us with a disability? Hell no!  Although it is not as public for us, we all get it in some shape or form.

I think this incident goes over and beyond what some of us go through. It was a seemingly planned skit.  A lot of thought came into that skit.

I wonder how they would feel if someone did what they did if they had a family member with such a debilitating disability.

I ask myself over and over, "What were they thinking?"

In my opinion, these men showed their true characters and it is not becoming at all.

I also wonder what the management of the station was thinking. Don't they have a lapse time where they can edit what they say on radio? It should have been stopped or prevented from even getting on air.

It is outrageous. I can't say it enough.

I am so angry I can't even put it into words.

Nothing they do will ever make it right.  They will be remembered for a very long time in such a negative way. Their families will suffer because of their actions.

However I think there are some things these three unprofessional morons can do to try to show how sorry they are, if they truly are.

I think each of them should be put into a wheelchair for only a day as similar as any ALS person like Steve and attempt to do the things they made fun of. Let them feel at least a fraction of how hard it is. Let them believe they have a fatal disease for a day, something ALS has to think about. Every. Single. Day.

They need to go to clinics and hospitals to spend time with patients with debilitating disabilities.

Each of them should personally visit Steve, if he even would allow it and give a heartfelt apology and explain to him and his family what they were thinking. I don't know if I would even want to hear their apologies or see their faces. But it would be an attempt.

Each of them should face America and apologize to everyone for their behavior.

When football season arrives, the three hosts should be made to sit in the middle of the Saint's audience during the Atlanta Falcons/Saints game. Ironically, that is our first game of the season.

The good people the Saints Fans are, they wouldn't hurt them physically. They would just make them feel uncomfortable and scared, like every person who has a debilitating disease like ALS feels.

And as other media has mentioned. Each of the men should donate a large amount of money to Steve's Foundation.

I just keep shaking my head in wonderment of how LOW some people can go.

Priest Hard to Understand

I've been to many churches and listened to many sermons.

Since Hubby and I have started going back to church, we've noticed our Pastor has been absent often and another Pastor substitutes.

This past Sunday, when a substitute Pastor was walking to the altar, I noticed he walked very slowly with maybe a limp. Wasn't sure with the robe covering up. I didn't have a second thought about it at that time. He was an older gentleman. As he began mass, I assume he was summarizing what the mass is about as it is usually done, I could not understand what he was saying. No one did. We were trying so hard.

At first I thought it was a heavy accent or he was talking Latin as Latin Masses are popping up more. I kept trying to understand him but it was no use. I couldn't even follow him by the Missalette for the most part.

Then I thought well maybe he has a really bad speech defect, which I can relate.  I gave him compassion.  And I tried harder.

For his sermon, the normally attentive elders were falling asleep and reading the bulletin. Although that is not all that unusual in itself because every week you see people nodding of. I felt sorry for him.   I was concentrating to try to understand him but it was impossible. He made the sermon a very short 5 minutes vs the usual 15 minutes.

Maybe he knew or saw that he lost most of the congregation's attention.

During the Eucharist Prayer, I was able to follow him in the Missalette and noticed the pronunciation of his words were a little off and he skipped some words.

Three thoughts came to mind: 

1) He was an older Priest. As we grow older, everything slows down. Maybe had a stroke or something that affected his speech. 

2) It did not look like he was from here so maybe he had a heavy accent. 

3) As No. 1, maybe he had a speech defect of some sort because of another cause.

When mass was ended, everyone was asking each other, if they understood the Pastor. No one did.

In my religion, except for the Readings and Sermon, everything else is repetition and easy to follow in the Missalette.

I felt so much compassion and empathy for him because I know how it feels to be misunderstood. 

It made me think. As a young girl I always wanted to be a Reader but never volunteered. The reasons were:

I) I know I have a speech defect.  You see I have the annoying "CP drawl" you may already know if you have read some of my previous posts. People who don't know me sometimes have a hard time understanding me although to me I talk reasonably well.

I would be disappointed and embarrassed if the people didn't understand me. They can read along silently but if I would go up to read I would want to be understood completely and there is a chance of that not happening.

My mom put me through years of speech therapy. I hated it with a passion but thankfully she made me go!

2) The big deal breaker is walking to the altar for the readings. There are 2-3 stairs without rails and I could just see myself tripping and tumbling down. I would be royally doomed because when I am nervous, my spasticity goes haywire causing me my coordination a lot more than normal.

Anyway I admire this Pastor for the courage to be up there to say a mass even if he had an idea he may not have been understood.

Have any of you encountered a service such as this? I would love for you to share your story.

My Past Thunderous Thursday

First I want to apologize to those who got this in your email the other day. My darn spastic finger hit publish instead of save. I needed to edit it. SO anyway....

Thursday was crazy. I had to go the doctor for a problem that developed. I had to travel to my home town I grew up in which according to Map quest is 42.3 miles or 57 minutes from where I live.  Between my current home and my home town I have to pass through the big city I lived before I moved here. You know. The one I hated the traffic and had the outrageous neighbors?

I heard thunder and the skies were black. It was a little after lunch so I decided to get a head start. As I was gathering my purse and keys the skies opened and rain came pouring.  Of course, it can't just be a shower. It was a full blown storm with visibility almost to nothing.

When I made it to the big city I hate to drive in, it was bumper to bumper. The rain was plummeting small balls of hail. The thunder roared and the lighting was striking so close I would jump. I am not afraid of the weather. It just startled me.

Visibility wasn't all that great so cars were going at a slow pace except for a few morons. You know the kind of morons that speed regardless and go nowhere ready because of the traffic jam.. I have to laugh because most of us meet up with them at the lights. Actually some drivers stopped on the side of the road.

With my nerves on edge and my hands and neck stiff from the tension, I finally made it out of that city about 45 minutes later. It should have taken me the most 15 minutes.  

I saw I might be a little late.  I was 26 miles away and had 15 minutes before my appointment. I gave the doctor's office a courtesy call and explained I was on my way but was going to be a little late with traffic and rain. She retorted, "Well it better not be too late because he is leaving soon. He only came in for a few of you." 

Excuse me? I was a little peeved. I thought I was being courteous letting them know I was going to be a little late. How many times have I had to wait over my time for my appointment? It's not like I left at the last minute. I arrived 10 minutes late. Ten minutes after I sat I was called to the examining room. I mentioned it to the doctor which he apologized for the way his worker abrasively responded. I  obtained my diagnosis, and prescriptions and went along my merry way. 

Thankfully, the storm slowed although didn't stop. I made it back to my Hated Big City and went to the  pharmacy. I've gone to them for years. I've noticed there has been a major change in staff and the last few times they've been unprofessional and laughing loudly and farting around while customers waited which in turn, makes the waiting time longer. 

It took them 20 minutes to find a cream, a box of patches and one pill that was already prepackaged and slap the label on them.  If they had not been laughing and talking about when they wanted off it probably would have taken 5 minutes as I was the only one in there and one at drive through. I understand that they had to put it through my insurance but it still shouldn't have taken that long. I wouldn't have bothered me so much if they hadn't been playing around.

After going through that I had one more stop before heading home. I had to get supper. There is a fast food chicken restaurant we  go to because they have awesome chicken, mashed potatoes and coupons! We can get 5 pieces of chicken, two sides and two biscuits for 5 bucks!  You can't beat that..

There are two locations on the same highway, about 15 minutes away from each other.

I decided to go the one that was closest to my home which is about 15 minutes bypassing the other location. The few times we had gone to this one, we've had one problem or another. Butt I figure give them another chance. Maybe things got better.

I drive up to order. I wait about 1/2 minute. Nothing is coming out of the intercom.

So I say, "Hellllooo!"

A voice announces, "We'll be with you."

I watched my digital clock in my car, a minute passes. Still nothing.

"Helloooooo" I shout getting more impatient.

Voice responses, "We'll be right with you."

I played the Twilight zone theme in my head, you know. DodoDoDoDo...and watched the clock.

Another minute pass and another....

I then say, "Anyone there????"

The voice answers, "Yes, we'll be with you!"

Another minute goes by and another...

That was 5-1/2 minutes and that is no exaggerations.

I thought: Screw this! I drove around. I saw one car at the window. The employee looked at me and I just raised my head like "WTH?" and drove off.

They have lost my business.

I backtracked and went to the location we always go to which I should have done in the first place. It was about 5 miles.

I drove up , there were 3 cars ahead of me...It went smoothly. From the time I got in line to getting my order it was 3 minutes.

Remember there was no one in front of me at the first location except for the one at the window. I waited 5 minutes and still hadn't given my order. I go to the other one, with three other cars ahead of me it took 3 minutes.

What is wrong with that picture?

I did compliment the girl, who worked the window at the second location and told them they did a good job. I've seen her every time I have gone there and sometimes when the intercom is not working right or she can't understand me she says, "Hun, please drive up!" They are always pleasant and courteous.  I will be going the extra miles to this location.

Once hubby went and got down. It was very busy and they had ran out of chicken. Since the customers had to wait longer than usual, the manager gave them a free drink for the inconvenience. 

Needless to say I wrote complaint letters to the pharmacy and the location that I didn't even get my order and a complimentary letter to the faster location. 

Share your story about your experiences you may have had similar to mine with the doctor's office, pharmacy or restaurant.

And as always I appreciate your loyalty to reading my blog whether you comment or not.

Update on Post Regarding: Embarrassment because of CP in FAMILY AND FRIENDS

After a previous post I continued to read the thread on the Cerebral Palsy group.  It disturbed me to see how many others with CP were seen by family members.

I was feeling hurt for these parents. I felt like the embarrassment was directly pointed towards me. On the other hand, I continued to think how God blessed me with such a loving and compassionate daughter.

I needed to call her. There was a deep longing to talk to her. When I heard her voice I started crying. I don't know why.  I really can't explain it.

As I was blubbering I thanked her. All she heard was me crying. She couldn't understand me. It is hard to understand me when I am crying and upset.  Concerned, she kept asking, "Mom, what's wrong?"  I heard some panic in her voice. She thought something happened.

After I calmed down, and took some deep breaths. ( That's our instruction to each other when we are upset) I thanked her for being such a good daughter and explained to her why I was upset. She said it is okay and she loved and appreciated me the way I am.

I needed confirmation though and asked her to be completely honest and tell me if she was ever embarrassed by my CP. She said absolutely not. She didn't think much about it except for when it was hard for me to do something but never embarrassed.

She also reminded me that when she was in 4-H she did a presentation on Cerebral Palsy so maybe others would understand. She doesn't remember the day she stood up for me. But I certainly do because it was that moment that I knew she would be okay with a Mom having CP.

Anyway, regardless how that thread upset me, in the end it made my daughter and I bond even closer. If that is even possible.

Every day I thank God for my daughter. But I have added a thanks for not just the daughter he gave me but for the loving, compassionate person she is.