Tentative Decision on Volunteering.

After writing about wanting to find somewheres where I can volunteer. BabyGirl's friend had posted on Facebook that June was not her month. I felt like God was sending me a sign so I set up a fundraiser here. You can also find the widget on my home page of this blog. I am begging you, if you have a spare dollar, it would be so appreciated if you would donate.

That same day I reread the blog post and prayed. I thanked him for giving me the direction with Victoria. 

I also talked to my mom. I told her my inner conflicts.  She told me what she was doing for her Hospice client and explained to me what Hospice duties a volunteer can do. She suggested since I was unsure I should write or call the Volunteer Coordinator.

So I emailed the Coordinator, summarized what I was thinking and what led me to the organization.

She told me I sounded so sweet like my Mom. She suggested I go there and talk with her. So I did a few days later.

I talked candidly to her about my reservations working with the patients directly. 

Although I know Cancer is not contagious, family members around could be ill and I have a low immune system.

I've worked with the elderly and tend to get attached to them. When they die I take it hard sometimes.

I want to volunteer but I don't want to 7 days a week.

I told her about my near death experiences although she knew some of it from my mom.

She explained the things a volunteer can do. There were many I could be interested in.

So I filled completed the paper work. They have to do a criminal background check etc. In September I go to the training class. 

After talking to the sweet volunteer coordinator and with three individuals telling me I could help with Hospice, I think God is helping me along the way.

I think it is closest to nursing that I'll get.

I am researching on the burial idea. It will definitely be complicated but have not made a definitive decision yet.

Do you know anyone who worked at Hospice or was a client?

Infected Foot Biopsied

I finally had a visit with a dermatologist for my foot. The problem is described in an earlier post. I've been struggling with it for 9 months. I went to my family doctor twice for it and got two different diagnoses and treatments. The treatments made it a little better but it kept recurring.

Recently, my foot has been so bad that when I put socks on, my skin sticks to it and it just pulls the skin off. I can hardly hobble on the other foot because that foot is also starting to have the rash. 

When Dr M., my dermatologist came in, she looked at my foot and exclaimed, "Oh baby, your foot is severely infected!"

Shocked, I asked, "What?!"

She repeated it was severely infected and we needed to find the cause. She turned and started rambling to her nurse. 

Then she turned to me and asked me how long I've had this. I told her about 9 months but it wasn't this bad the whole time.

She said she needed to biopsy it and do a culture on it.

Whoa! Wait a minute! Did she say biopsy? I thought okay I'm going to have to come back.

I asked when. She said, "Now." 

I watched the nurse filling a syringe with a big needle. I am not afraid of needles but it was just freaking me out a little. 

I asked her how was she going to do the biopsy now? 

She said she would inject my foot to numb it and get a sample. When she put the light over my foot, she said it was flowing pus.

I know! EWWWWWWWWW! It grossed me out.

Pus? I knew it was drainage but it never dawned on me that it was pus.

All I felt was the sting of the medicine injecting into my foot. In less than a minute, they were finished.

She put me on antibiotics and gave me a different cream.

When I asked for her educated guess what this could be she said she didn't know but maybe psoriasis or fungal infection. She promised that she will find out the origin of the problem and make it healthy.

She put a band aid on the biopsy site. The next day the pain was excruciating.  It's sorta like I am stomping on nails. Sometimes I just want to cry.

Walking on it is just almost impossible. I have ruined so many socks with the drainage and then peeling off the skin as well. I have tried gauze and that sticks too.

I have come up with a solution. It is weird. I have feminine pads, I don't know why. I found them in the back of my cabinet. I have the maxi pads with the wings and pantyliners. I took the maxi pad and cut in half. Then I put them together taping it to my soles of my feet for the night. During the day I have the pantyliner taped to my foot It slides off and I have to retape it, maybe I need new tape.  But I figure it protects my foot from the ground and keeps the cream on. I don't plan on going anywhere for the next few days so I don't have to wear shoes.

There is never a dull moment in my life medically for sure.

Give Forward: A Request

I am so excited. God answered my prayers. He has given me direction.

After writing my last post I went to Facebook. A friend of my daughter's wrote on Facebook that June was not her month. She is 21 years old and her cancer has returned. This child has been through the ringer since she was 14.

I remember her coming over to my hime with my daughter.  One day she was limping. I asked her what was wrong and she didn't know. Her mom brought her to the doctor and she had Osteosarcoma of the tibia.

Osteosarcoma is cancer of the bone. Through the 7 years it has metastasized to her lungs, abdomen and other areas. She has been through a lot of chemo, and surgeries.

She is a fighter.

Even with her world upside down she focused on her education and graduated on time. She has had it rough.

She had a job and a boyfriend who cares for her deeply. She was in remission for a bit but last month it has returned.

She was working her father.  Since the cancer has come back she and her boyfriend has had to miss work to bring her to treatments. Her father fired both of them. In my opinion, it is cold-hearted.

Since she has no income she needs a little help for daily living and gas to go to treatments. I have started a fundraiser at Giveforward.com. If you have heart and a few dollars for donation, you can give it here.

Even if you can't donate I would appreciate it if you shared this story to everyone and ask them to donate, whether it be $1, $5 or whatever. Anything will be appreciated.

God Bless!

What is my Volunteer Vocation?

Lately, I have been having this feeling of unworthiness. Through the years I've missed my nursing but more so recently. I thought about volunteering at a nursing home but there could be sickness that my immune system won't be able to fight. The very reason why my doctor put me on disability.

A few years ago I had tried to be a Big Sister but it is not working out. There are few Little Sisters that need help or they are not a good match for me. Although no one said it I know it is harder to match me since I have a physical handicap and mothers are not comfortable with that fact. And that is fine. I am very protective of my own!

I've been researching volunteer websites and praying on it.

When I went to arrange my pre-burial and found out about what happens when a family member cannot afford to bury them or they have no one it has weighed on my heart. I know the church may bury these people and other organizations may step in but I feel something more can be done.

I started researching about indigent burials etc and an idea formed.

What if I could come up with some kind of organization that I can find businesses and people to donate to?I could put my name at all the funeral homes and when God took someone whose families couldn't pay or they were alone they could contact me and then I could help and arrange to pay for their funeral.

I found this site GiveForward. However as I asked questions I realized it wasn't what I was trying to do. It was more for a specific person or cause. My cause is more broader.

I did not know where to start.  My retreat was coming up so I decided to wait and talk to the Priest, Father Neyrey. I prayed that he could give me direction.

God answered my prayer. Father Neyrey was wonderful as always. Some friends told me it was a huge undertaking. Father agreed. However, he gave me some sound suggestions and taught me a few things

He also encouraged me to stay with the idea but reminded me of some things.

First, it doesn't matter what you are buried in as the body will turn into ashes and your soul will leave it. 

Second, anyone can do a eulogy at a grave site and it doesn't necessarily need a service. He even said if I felt so strongly about a person having to have that 'blessing' I could even go to the funeral site and pray for the soul.

He praised me saying I have such a comforting feeling of death that few people have. He believes God is calling me to do something pertaining to death. He delicately warned me I may not be able to help everyone and suggested I start by concentrating on a smaller scale like one poorer parish. 

He discouraged me going to a Funeral Director because he said their business is to get money. He related some history of how eons ago, people were just buried in the ground, with no casket. In certain terms, he implied funeral homes were not necessary.  

He saw my genuine concern and my mind blocking the idea of just burying someone in a hole.So he instructed me to do research on what is required for a casket/urn, talk to the parish director and go from there. He also noted that I won't be able to do everything myself. He gave me some ideas like maybe contact a building contractor who may volunteer to build a casket, a couple of times a year. 

Father told me I need to listen to God. He thought it was a good idea and encouraged me to keep at it but also forewarned that this may be a long process. This burial idea may just be a beginning of something different God has for me. It may not even be what I am thinking. However. I have such a positive outlook on death because of my experiences, I should also consider volunteering for Hospice in addition to or in place of this burial idea. Either way it is an act of mercy. 

Father certainly gave me a lot to think about.

I also had the chance to speak with the two directors at the retreat. I was able to relate to a lot of things they said. I decided to go and at least thank them for sharing their stories and letting them know they spoke to me. 

One was a nurse like I was. We worked the same length of time except she was in Pediatrics and I was in Geriatrics. We related to each other so well.

Both of the directors dealt with cancer themselves or a family member. They faced death like I did. And they both independently, not knowing what Father or the other claimed I would be a good candidate for Hospice.

I went to the chapel and asked God if he was talking to me through them. He is still working not the answer and I'm striving to listen and move along on faith that I am going the direction God is pointing.

I had considered Hospice on occasion. My mom is a Hospice Volunteer and she enjoys it. 

However, I am hesitant. I worked with dying people. I felt so much compassion and I loved these people. However, I get attached to patients. It gets hard to watch them die or they just die suddenly. 

I guess working in a Nursing home is similar to Hospice. Taking care of patients and they do eventually die in the Nursing home. It is a shorter time dealing with Hospice patients.

I will have to deal with death regardless if I volunteer for Hospice or otherwise.

I am still researching the burial idea and am in progress to see if Hospice is for me.

Have you done any volunteer work?  I would love to hear your experience.

RETURNING FROM RETREAT

I spent the first part of my week at a retreat.  It was held at the lovely Our Lady of the Oaks Retreat House in Grand Coteau, just a couple of miles from my abode.

The retreat is a silent retreat which means you cannot talk so you can listen to Jesus' spirit talk and reflect. It's easier than one may think. It is nice not to have the pressure of having to make conversation.

I feel the need to reconnect to God sometimes. The retreat allows me to do just that.

The retreat is given by Jesuit Priests and well-trained laypeople called Retreat Directors. It is based on the teachings of St. Ignatius of Loyola. There are conferences with a time of reflection after each.

The grounds are so beautiful with the huge oak trees, flowers and plants the retreatant can explore at any time. Every time I walk around I always find something new. I enjoy just sitting either in the green rickety rocker near my room or in the middle of the courtyard and watch the squirrels. They are some amazing creatures.

There are plenty of benches, chairs, rockers throughout the grounds to sit and enjoy the quietness.The retreatant can visit the beautiful quaint Chapel or large library where you can either read or buy books at any time. There is also voluntary face to face chats with the Directors or Priests.

Although the conferences are based on Catholicism, any religion is welcomed.

Reconciliation, saying the rosary, Anointing of the Sick and Mass are also included.

Once you enter the gates, you don't have to worry about anything.

Bells are rung to wake you up and before each activity.

Food is prepared by 4 lovely cooks. The head of the kitchen is Ms. Maria who has worked there for almost 48 years. The food is freshly prepared and delicious. There are also fruit, cookies and drinks that are available at any time.

I remember years ago my Mom had finally persuaded my sister and I to go with her. Through the years I went several times on occasion. For the past 3-4 years I've been going at least once a year in addition to Hubby and I going to the Married Couple's Retreat.

It is like a mini vacation from the world. I would recommend anyone to go. I am sure a retreat can be found near where you live.

More on what I learned later.

God Bless.

BabyGirl's New Wheels

Coincidentally, at the same time I was buying Cora, BabyGirl was buying her car.

She called me the night Hubby and I were sleeping on our decision to buy Cora. She was so excited because for the past few weeks she was out of a car because her car she was in had problems. She had put a lot of money into it and the mechanic told her this time it was time to get a new car.

Her boyfriend and she decided to get a new one and he helped her buying it.

She was so excited. I was more excited for her than I was for me.  It was her very first new car.

Layla's boyfriend and her step-brother-in-law got her a good deal on a 2014 Kia Yaris. It's name is Pearl.

About two days later, she called me and said, "I just can't have nice things" Her voice wavered. I knew something was wrong.

She was on stopped a busy street in the turning lane when a man rear-ended her. She said she saw him swerving attempting to avoid her but he failed. He claims he had been having trouble with his brakes and he couldn't stop.

My heart hurts for her. Unfortunately, it wasn't total so she has to get it fixed. It'll take about two weeks for have it repaired. She is using her boyfriend's family member's car in the meantime.

Someone told me she was the fourth person she knew who got in a wreck with a brand new car.

I was furious. If this fool would have taken care of his brakes this may not have happened.

Yes, it's only a car and thankfully, no one was hurt but it could have totally avoided because of a person's negligence.

Share your story about an automobile accident because of an irresponsible person.

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Decision is Made..My Car's name is….

CORA DIAMOND LANDREAUX.

I will be calling her Cora.

In my last post, you learned my awesome Hubby bought me a new "used" car, a black 2013 Toyota Corolla.

I never named any of my cars in the past. None I can remember anyway.

The first name that came to mind was Boopsie since I love Betty Boop.

So I asked for suggestions on Facebook. They were all good ideas.

Some shared the name of their cars: Ike, bit%&amp, (Yes that was a name, she spelled it like that so it wouldn't offend anyone) Laquisha and one was trying to be smart and/or funny simply saying "Car."

But there was some that actually thought about it: Black Beauty, Cora, Olla,

I loved them all. Thank you everyone!

Hubby and I were playing around with names. Okay, it was mostly me he went along with it because he loves me that much! He never named his cars. I was combining our two last names etc.

Then I remembered BabyGirl names a lot of things and she comes up with creative names. So I called her and she immediately said Diamond because there are black diamonds.

Of course, I can't just go with one name. My mindset is if I am going to name her, it has to have a first, middle and last name so there it is.

Cora for Corolla. Diamond because it is like a beautiful elegant stone to me. Landreaux, combo of Hubby and I's last names.

So there you are.

Share the names you have for your vehicles.


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One Salesman Can Change Your Perspective of a Company

In a previous post I mentioned we had trouble with my Aveo's tires. We had called the dealership and talked to the salesman who sold us our car. He was obnoxious telling us he never sold the car to us and hung up on us. I was so infuriated I wrote a bad review on the dealership's Facebook page. Things started rolling with the manager attempting to contact us. Phone tag between Hubby and the manager Taras Hughes began.

When they finally connected, Hubby told him the whole story and exactly how we felt. 

Taras promised if we came by, he would make us a good deal. He gave us the name of the person to contact when we dropped by if he wasn't around. He apologized profusely. He also said he would reimburse us for the tires we had to buy.

Remember. In my last post I vowed never to give them another chance. 

Hubby and I pondered and talked endlessly. It was the topic of most of our conversations for a few days.

In the meantime we visited other dealerships, because we really wanted get rid of the Aveo. We were no longer confident about this car and could see things going majorly wrong in the near future. We had already little nuisances such as the sun roof cover rattling. You can tell it was not secured right.

None of the other dealerships could help us without having to put money down as our situation was considered an Upside-down deal.

I always saw it on TV ads but didn't really understand it. I do now!  An upside down deal is when you owe more than what the car is worth.  So in order to get a new car we had to either wait longer until we had paid off most of it or put money down. We didn't have the money to put down. After all, we just paid for my funeral. 

Honestly, we were curious to see what kind of deal the dealership (JPT) would give us. We made our way to JPT on a Friday afternoon. 

We were greeted by a polite rugged handsome salesman, Rowdy. He asked us what we were looking for. We told him we wanted to get rid of the Aveo for a better car and interest rate. We described what kind of car we were looking at. 

He did an extraordinary thing we had trouble with other salesmen. He LISTENED.

We went look at some Honda Civics we had seen on the lot and online. When we went into the office we were greeted by everyone. Taras Hughes was on vacation. 

After we talked with Rowdy about the Civics Rowdy took our information then he disappeared. We assumed he and the substitute manager was crunching the numbers.

Just for a tad of information, during our conversation he received another telephone call and we overheard another customer was arriving around 4:30 p.m. This was around 3:50 p.m.

After a few minutes, Rowdy quickly entered the office, grabbed some keys hurriedly and said, "I will be right back!"

We immediately assumed he was going get a car for another customer. I thought, "Are you kidding me?" But we waited…

And waited….20 minutes later I was getting very impatient and angry. The assistant manager offered us a drink but said nothing more. Hubby and I were getting upset thinking Rowdy left us waiting while he was getting ready for the other customer. I thought it was rude and I felt like this was a waste of time. After 30 minutes Hubby and walked out and went to the car ready to leave.

Hubby and I were flabbergasted and furious that Rowdy would just leave us for that long for another customer. But we talked it out. We decided to go back in and wait for him. If nothing else, I wanted to give him an earful.

We walked back inside and the lady said Rowdy would be back in another 10 minutes. Hubby said, "We're giving him another 5!" 

Rowdy finally rushed in and said, "Come see your car!" As we walked out wee let him know we nearly left. He said he had to go to their other dealership a few miles away.

Let me just say I NEVER ever described a car as BEAUTIFUL. This car was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. It was a 2013 Toyota Corolla.

Later, Hubby and I talked about what we were thinking.

As I sat in the car, I was thinking OMG this is such a beautiful car!  I wanted it! I was checking out the features inside thinking we would never be able to afford this, it was beyond our price range.  It was sporty and had a nice sound system, moon roof, automatic and small enough but spacious.

Hubby knows cars and prices and all he was thinking was it was beyond our reach in price. 

Rowdy asked  if we liked it. We said yes but it all depended on the deal. We went back in and he crunched the numbers and brought us back the sheet of paper with the price and interest rate with no money down and trading in my Aveo. Everything we wanted they were giving us, although the price was double what we were thinking. In addition they gave us some savings! 

Rowdy explained this was the BEST and only car to help us get out of the Aveo. We told Rowdy we loved the car but we needed to sleep on it.

Last time we bought the Aveo, it was so rushed our heads were spinning and since we realized it was a bad deal too late, we didn't want to make the same mistake this time.

We came home and talked about it at length Yes, it was double the amount we were looking for, the note was a bit more but we believed Rowdy. We decide to get a better car, you have to fork out more money but it should be worth it in the long run. It also should be my last car of my life :). We could afford it and Hubby really wanted to give me a nice car. 

We realized we didn't even test drive it. Hubby always said Toyotas and Hondas are FUN to drive. I always considered a car to get from Point A to Point B. Yea, two different views about purpose of a car eh?

The next day we went back to JPT and told Rowdy we were ready to sign. They had detailed and cleaned the car and had it ready for us. I test drove it. WOW! It was so different. Smooth and you don't hear the engine. We did all the paperwork and they gave us the keys. We left and went to my Mom's to show off our new car.

Cora Diamond Landreaux

On the way back home, Hubby was driving since I drove to Mom's. He put the visor up and we noticed a crack in the windshield. We can't honestly say if it was there or not before. We never heard anything hit the car. So Hubby emailed Rowdy about it. Rowdy responded with no fanfare stating that he ordered an entire windshield and would let us know when it came in.

He called me the next day and the following day they fixed the windshield with no problem.

This experience was a total different experience than our previous one and I now can definitely say our experience was awesome.

I did go back to their website and gave them an excellent review. Taras and Rowdy changed our perspective about the company. We sincerely thank them from the bottom of our hearts.

Hubby was right! I LOVE driving my car. All I need is a stretch of windy road where I can push it to the metal at 80-100 mph. No worries, I won't be speeding, intentionally!

Stay tuned about how I got the name of my car. :)

What Kind of Parent is That?

A child is a precious gift from God. He expects us to care for them and love them, unconditionally.

I understand that some parents don't know how to be a parent. Many of us didn't. We had to learn as we went. We have to have the love, compassion and common sense to guide us to be the best parents we can be.

Parents need to be there for their child financially, emotionally and spiritually until they are a certain age.

If we want them to succeed we need to give them the tools to do so or at least help them along.

Children owe their parents nothing. They didn't decide to come into this world. We brought them into this world.

I know it comes to a point that our children become adults and we have to let them use the tools we have given them.

But sometimes they need that extra help.

After I graduated from high school, my parents knew I had to get transportation. They got me a used car. All I needed to do is go to school and make good grades.

When I decided to buy my own car a few years later after I earned my nursing license and worked for a while I needed help to get the loan for the car. My dad cosigned for me and all that was expected of me was to pay the notes.

I know this child who had moved out of their parent's house and needed a loan to get a car. They needed a cosigner. When they asked their father, he said he would cosign if the child moved back in the house. The child refused to do so and the father refused to co-sign. The child struggled but made other arrangements. The mother was not financially capable.

I know of a different child who was going to school for what they wanted. Their father wanted the child to major in something else. When the child didn't budge, he made comments nearly every time he saw them about why the child should have majored in something else.

What kind of parent is that?

Why do some parents think it is all about them? Or they think their children owe them, when actually the parent owes them.

It just boggles my mind.

Share your thoughts.

When Family Can't Pay to Bury A Loved one

I learned something this week that has made me sad.

Do you know that if someone dies and the family cannot afford the funeral, the coroner keeps the body in the morgue until:
a) The family comes up with the money by themselves or they have fundraisers to raise the money or
b) SOMETIMES the church will help?

He said sometimes it is a long time.

I had just finished choosing my casket and preparing for my funeral when the Mortuary Director, Dan gave me the cost of the whole thing. When I saw the price and Hubby and I were talking about how we were going to pay for it I asked Dan what happens to those who don't have the pre burial and their family could not come up with that much money? That was his answer.

Don't get me wrong I don't plan on dying soon.

Hubby and his ex had done theirs. I thought we were just going to see if we could transfer her policy to me since she has other arrangements, which we learned it is nontransferable.

When Dan said it was nontransferable I was ready to go as I thought Hubby and I were going to discuss our next step.

However, I was wrong.

Dan said so the next step is for you to go look for the casket you want. I looked at Hubby and whispered, "Are we going to do this now?" He nonchalantly said, "Yes."

I was confused but went along with it.

After choosing the casket and we went back to do the paperwork, Dan said, "So you are 51." I said, "How do you know I am 51" then it clicked. Hubby had talked to him more than making an appointment for what I thought.

During the process of looking at the caskets I was thinking how many families have to do this during their mourning. I was trying to visualize how hard it would be for BabyGirl to do it.

Later when we were on our way home I thanked Hubby because although I knew there was a lot of things to do for a funeral and it did cost money, it was still overwhelming. I have that serene feeling when God does call me, all my family has to do is make sure the information is updated and say their goodbyes. Everything is arranged and paid for.

Hubby said he knew the cost had tripled from the time he had his done He figured if I live for another 20-30 years it would be even higher. He wanted to get it all arranged with what I wanted and paid for now.

My thinking is he not only helped himself but he helped BabyGirl. I know it may sound weird to some but it makes my heart warm.

But I still think of those poor souls in the coroner's morgue waiting to be buried. It is sad.

Do you or your family members have burial/funeral arrangements for when God comes calling for you?

No Use Crying over spilled milk

I just read cpdad and it provoked an idea for a blog post.

He stated how he spilled milk and his loving daughter sweetly offered her help.

CP affects my coordination and I have the same problem with liquids. If I am carrying something with liquid I need to be careful because as I walk it splatters. As long as I don't have to walk a long ways I am okay.  I usually don't fill the container to the top.

If I am in a restaurant or someone else's home, and there is soup or gumbo served, I ask my Hubby to carry it for me. Yes, it is very hard to do and I feel like an invalid but I realize it is better to be embarrassed then be mortified if I'd try to carry it and it goes splattering all over the floor.

I remember when I was with my ex and either my child or I would spill something he would get upset. He would yell at us and tell us how wasteful it was. I would just tell him to get over it. I told him she was a young child and her motor skills were not developed yet and we all do make errors.

I didn't realize how it affected BabyGirl until I had left him and we were alone. One day she was pouring some milk. It went all over the floor and counter.  Yes this time was careless. But I saw the terror in her face. She froze. I just looked at her and said, "Oops, just clean it up!" I think I helped her too. She frantically apologized. I told her it was okay. I remember that deep sigh of relief.

Sometimes when I spill or drop stuff Hubby is like what happened? I just say I spilled. Sometimes he shook his head in exasperation until I told him the story about Babygirl with the spilled milk and it is what it is with me. He spills and drops things too. Maybe not as often but it's always been that way with me. I do try to be careful. I told him he just needs to live with it. It is the way I am. It's not like I like to drop or spill.

Next time you or your loved one spills something, remember that it is not that important.

An Awesome Find at The Arc

I live just outside of my country hick town, I don't think even a mile from it. Several months back, an ARC store opened. The Arc is an organization to help people with intellectual and development disabilities work.

This store sells used products, mostly clothes that have been donated. It is similar to Goodwill except different missions, I think.

Years ago my ex and I visited Goodwill in the bigger city to find computer parts. He would build computers from these parts. What struck me when I entered was the smell of cigarette smoke. It was disgusting. I never went back. He once bought a suit jacket from there and I could not get the smell out for anything. Thereafter, I refused to buy anything from there and avoided the place except to drop off items for donation through the drive-thru.

 Coming back to the present, every time I go into the little town to go to the local grocery store, church, post office or pay the water bill,  etc I see racks of clothes outside occasionally,

I need clothes and shoes but I hate every aspect of shopping for them so I immensely procrastinate. I haven't gone shopping for clothes in years, like 20. I'll pick up a shirt here and there. I've had my jeans for so long they are start to tear apart.

Every time I passed, I'd think or say to Hubby when he was with me, "I need to go check them out."

I finally did last week.

I checked out the rack outside which I found a couple of shirts I liked but no price. A pet peeve of mine is when I can't find the price of something.

When I entered the store, I noticed there was no smell. There were a male and two females with obvious disabilities. They just stared at me when I smiled and said hi. An instant later, I heard a voice and when I stretched my neck behind a clothes rack I saw a lady behind the counter. We exchanged greetings and she asked if I needed anything.

I told her I was just browsing. She informed me they were having an $1 sale. She said the rack outside and two racks inside were the $1 racks. As I was looking I still didn't see any prices on the other items. As I walked around, I finally noticed a board behind the lady at the counter with the prices. I thought, 'Ooh I could go for these prices!'I noticed also they only took cash and checks.

When I went to the counter and she told me the total. I told her I didn't wan to write a check and I was on my way to Russell's Food Center so I would go there and get the cash and come back. That's what I did.

Here is what I bought:

You can tell I'm not a photographer but I bought a pair of American Eagle Jeans, and 3 shirts for a total of $6 and they all look brand new!

I wish they had more small sizes but that's my problem in every store.

There were racks of clothes for medium, large and extra-large. There was jeans, shorts, shirts, dresses, socks and shoes. There was a sign for pajamas but I didn't see any. They also sell dinnerware, books, computers, knick knacks etc.

They also have dressing rooms.

Another customer had come in while I was in the dressing room. Evidently, she was a regular. She and the lady behind the counter was talking when I came out of the dressing room. I only heard the end of their conversation. The lady behind the counter was saying some of the sales were going to another store near by. I didn't catch the name but I thought what a shame.

I for sure will be a regular customer!

I have a challenge for you. Next time you see an Arc Store, stop in. You may just find an awesome deal!

If you have been in Goodwill or The Arc, share your experiences and bargains.

A Different Journey Begins

From yesterday's post, you learned my BabyGirl graduated college. 

 I asked God to allow me to live until she graduated high school from the day she was born.

He has blessed me with much more. I was able to watch her receive her college degree!

She has more to go for her Master's after a well needed and deserved hiatus from school. It's been a long 4 years for BabyGirl. She worked a full time job PLUS went to college full time. She was in honors with a 3.216 average. She majored in Liberal Arts (Psychology and Criminal Justice). Before her college years she had all honor classes which was just like going to college in high school. 

I prayed as I watched her stress with work, school and life in between such as two vehicle accidents.

Thankfully, she had the strength and determination to plunge through it all. I am sure more college students were like her. But you know, we have tunnel vision when it comes to our own child.

On Facebook, I continuously posted for a week that MyBabygirl was graduating college.  I was beaming so bright I probably blinded people. Although I had many likers, encouraging words, support and compliments, I am sure some are happy it ended!

Her real life begins while part of mine ends. Maybe that is not the right phrase to use. Through the years I think we both changed.

The financial cord is cut. Yes, I will help her if she ever needs help but my financial obligations as far as her education is over. She had already been on living on her own and paying her own bills.

I was a Mom who wanted to know everything she did, everywhere she went, who she was with etc. At one point, I had this irrational idea that since I helped her with college tuition she owed me those answers. Luckily, I came to my senses.  I realized I was grasping for something that was no longer mine..her life.

I drove myself crazy at first because I was worried and honestly I missed her. Yes, she was gone a few years before college because she wanted to move in with her stepmother (Note I didn't say Father) but we had our visits together. I knew college was going to take her more away from me even more.

I just read what I wrote and it sounds so selfish.

Anyway…

I have learned to step back and let her come to me with whatever she wanted to share. It was so hard to do and so many times I had to stop and talk myself out of asking. I have not been disappointed.

She called and cried her heart out at times of despair. 

She called with joy of her accomplishments. 

Just like when she was living with me in the past.

She told me her grades. She had even given me her online college account information so I can check for myself her grades, classes, financial stuff. I am proud to say I only used it once and that was only a few weeks ago because I wanted to know how many credits she had. 

She gave me time for lunch dates when she could. (I expect this to continue always!)

She called to tell me she loved me and missed me.

She let me hug and kiss on her more.  She gave me bigger hugs when we saw each other.

As I watched her go down the aisle to her seat at graduation I cried. Tears just flowed. 

Tears of joy. Tears of pride. Tears of relief. Tears of love.

For 21 years I was on a journey with her. It is time for me to step off the journey and watch her go on her own journey being the best adult she can be. I know she is fully capable and will.

My 2014 College Graduate

Announcing..My 2014 UL College Graduate of Psychology and Criminal Justice:

                                                                  2014 UL Graduate

Part of My Family -My Sister (Graduate's Nanny), Hubby, My Father and Mother, BabyGirl and I.

                                                                    

BabyGirl's Graduation Cake: From Russell's Food Center. We all agreed that they did a fantastic job!

       

BabyGirl and her Boyfriend

The awesome meal once again from Russells Food Center: Chicken and sausage fettuccini, jalapeño sausage cheese bread and Veggie tray.

BabyGirl, Hubby and I

Don't Buy Those Tire and Service Warranties!

I was without my car for 1-1/2 weeks. Ask me if I was going insane!

Mind you, I am not a person to be on the go all of the time. However, it is nice to have my car within reach when I DO decide to venture out. Also, I was in the process of planning BabyGirl's college graduation after party and couldn't do anything productive because no car. 

One Saturday, Hubby and I decided to go to a different church for Mass because our town was having a festival and we knew there would be parking wars. This church is only 10 miles the opposite way of the church we regularly attend. 

Not even a mile from our driveway, we start hearing a flapping sound. Hubby had been telling me I needed to get my car aligned because it was drifting to the right side. I procrastinated. I know. My Bad!

But wait!

Hubby stopped and one of my tires were splitting. We turned around, came home, switched cars and went to Mass. God knows we needed it.

When we returned, Hubby went to put the spare tire on but it didn't have any air. 

Ahh! It's the way our life is. 

We made a plan. After work Monday, Hubby was going to go to our tire guy. He sells used tires that are just like new. His price of thirty-eight dollars per tire is not bad either! 

When Hubby got there that Monday, the guy said they didn't make the size we needed anymore. The guy seemed confused and said those tires weren't supposed to be on the car. To make a long story short, we learned the dealership (JPT) sold us the car with the wrong size tires. Our suspicion of the car salesman who sold us the car as being shady was confirmed.

TireGuy also said the reason my tire was split was not because it needed alignment but the tire inside was dry rotting and something about stripping the tire belt and metal. I am sorry I don't understand all the technology. 

Whew! I'm off the hook! It wasn't because of the alignment! YAY ME!

The next day I called every tire store just to make sure Tire Guy was saying the truth. After all, people we put trust in lately, has been screwing us and we needed to make sure. 

I called just about every tire store there was in the area. The responses I received were:"There is no such thing" or "What?" I had to repeat and they asked if I was sure. Gawd, I hate men who question women like they are stupid. I would respond, "I have it written right here from my husband." One said he could order them for $240.

Ouch!

We had gone look at a car in the middle of this chaos which is another story but they gave us a payment sheet of the car we were looking at.  We saw tire and service warranties that would equal to $1400! 

While we pondered that night, Hubby remembered we had tire warranties and service warranties that we paid for when we bought the car. We dug them out and read the very little fine print that was confusing. Here's food for thought next time you buy a car. Make sure you read all of the costs when you buy the car. The salesperson will just glide over the cost and act like it is standard and required. Both dealerships did it. It must be a sales thing. I

We spent $498 for a tire warranty and another $498 for service warranty for naught. They don't cover squat! We won't be paying for warranties when we buy another car. It's long page of small fine print of BS.

The next day, Hubby attempted to call the salesman who sold us the car thinking he could tell us whether the warranty would include this problem. The guy was obnoxious and denied he sold us anything and rudely hung up on Hubby.

Yea!  That's right. Such professionalism! NOT! He was all nice and sweet when he sold us the car. But now he didn't know us.

I had bought from this dealership years back and vowed I never would again but Hubby reminded me that things could have changed. So I had reluctantly agreed. 

And then there we were. I vowed again I will never go back to this dealership and will not. I will stand my ground on this one. 

Hubby went back to our Tire Guy. He knew we were in process of looking for a better car and trading this one in. He said we could just change the split one and the other front one to make it even, it might look a little weird but it would work for what we need. 

He didn't have any so we had to wait until his delivery came through the next day and the next.

In the meantime, I found JPT Facebook page and saw all these "I am so happy" "Thanks JPT for a wonderful car" but I did find some negative responses as well. I added my negative comment calling out the salesperson by name. I was waiting for it be removed but it is still there. Isn't social media just great for times like these?

It took us a few days to finally get the tires because Hubby could only get one at a time as I only have one spare and he didn't want to leave my car on blocks. 

A few days after I wrote the comment on Facebook, Hubby received a voice message from the manager. Hubby returned the call and left him a voice message. Haven't heard from them again.

I am on the road again hoping nothing else goes wrong before I get to trade it in. 

I advise you to look at your contract very closely and make sure you really want to buy those worthless warranties

I Must Look Lost

Every time I am alone in a store searching for something on a shelf or passing the aisles looking at the signs or even just browsing I am asked if I need help.

It does not happen when I am with someone.

So I wonder, is it that they see my disability and assume I need help or I just look that LOST?

It's probably that I just look lost!

What do you think? Have you had same experience?

Positive Update

I am happy to report that I am out of that deep black hole I was in when I wrote my last post.

First, thank you so much for all of your love, prayers, support and kindness. Some of you opened your hearts to me and I so appreciate it. 

None of us are alone. We are lucky to have our loved ones supporting and loving us just the way we are. 

And we have each other. Sometimes we need each other because we can relate to each other's situation, regardless if we have the same ailment. We understand better than our loved ones who don't have any medical woes. 

I do pray for each and every one of you. 

So now the updates, which is better.

My depression has lifted. I am no longer in the black hole although I see it waiting for me. It is probably always around the corner. But I my best to ignore it. I do think the Prednisone had something to do with the depression because after my last dose, I've felt it subsiding.

The excitement of BabyGirl's upcoming college graduation is keeping my spirits up. I am so proud I can burst. It is May 17th and I think I am more excited than she is in a way. Another milestone will be behind us. 

I am planning a small get-together for the day after, because she is going to her father and stepmother's after graduation. Of course, what was supposed to be a simple feat has turned into a challenging one, mostly because I haven't had my car to get to where I need to go to prepare and plan. My car issues are another post for another day.  But I know it'll all come together and everything will be fine.

My pinched nerves seems to be okay. I have to be careful the way I move so it won't be pinched again but that is pretty much resolved.

The skin rash on my foot is a continuous battle. It's just one foot. It gets better and dries like another skin so I peel the skin then it becomes raw. So this time I haven't peeled it but it is so stiff and hurts when I walk on it so that continues to be a mystery. It doesn't itch though. Thank God. But now I'm getting small versions of it on my hands, arms and neck. It's little raised bumps that turns into scabs. They itch but not so much that I feel like I am going insane. I've been using the cortisone cream Doc gave me and I guess it is keeping it stabilized. I guess if it gets worse or doesn't go away, my next step would be a dermatologist.

My friend Jeff was supposed to have surgery but his lab work was abnormal so it was postponed. He needs more of your prayers and I thank you beforehand.

I've been trying more gluten-free products but obviously it is a slow process.

My friends, that's my updates for now. It's spring weather and hasn't affected my breathing so much yet. Love the sunshine and coolness.

I hope you are having an awesome day!

Chronic illnesses Cause Depression and Questions Faith

My recent medical woes have put me into a downward spiral into depression. Since I last wrote, add urinary tract infection to the list. The others have stabilized.

I know what depression is.  There are different types. The one I am familiar with is Clinical  I went through it, was on medication and therapy years ago when I was having trouble with Ex.  My therapist had mentioned he was surprised with my long history of chronic illness that I had not been depressed before and sought help before.

However, with his help, medication and my life changing I was fine. Been off antidepressants for years.

So I haven't felt like this in years. Yes, I get depressed and I get out of it. But this time it's lingering and intensifying.

I have that heavy feeling in my chest. I know that sign is not good. I feel like I can cry at a drop of a hat.  I have the major don't wants. I don't care about anything. I am uninterested in the computer, reading etc.

I sit here and look around thinking what I could be doing and what needs to be done. But I just sit.

I know what it is. I know what I should do. But its like I am paralyzed.  I go outside sometimes and I feel a tad better. I try to do the things I should be doing but after a few minutes, I say screw it and stop.

I have been thinking it is the Prednisone and I'm pretty sure it is. But I am finally finished it. I am praying I won't need it again for a while. I am praying this blows over.

I feel so bad because Hubby needs to deal with me. I shut him out. I don't mean to but I do not want to burden him more. He does not deserve me or any of this.

Chronic illnesses don't only affect the person physically. It affects them spiritually, sexually and mentally. Add depression to the mix and you have a monster.

Chronic illnesses also affect that person's relationships. Again, spiritually, emotionally and physically.

I have been so tired lately….of me.  It's not self pity. I am just tired of it. I just want it all to go away.

I pray but then get angry. I try to have faith. It is so hard when you just keep getting slapped back down. There comes a time you just want to stay down.

My friend Jeff has been going through a lot more than I lately. We corresponded recently and we have different problems but it is the same when it comes to if it is not one thing, it is another.

I keep asking why are there really bad people like killers, molesters, mean spirited who don't go through stuff like we do? Those who judge others,. Those who are selfish and self-centered. Those who don't deserve the good things in life because they've destroyed others.

Okay maybe I deserve it but my friend Jeff doesn't. And all those poor kids and people with worse things than me or Jeff? Why do they have to suffer?

We (I'm using 'we' for Jeff and I but it could be any of you) are good people. We try to do good and obey the law. We are compassionate and loving. We don't want or need much but here we are. We keep getting beaten down again and again. If it is not one health problem it is another. If it is not health something else goes wrong. When we are just trying to live a simple life.

If God forgives everyone and our journey of pain and suffering on earth is a path to eternal blissful life with him, why do bad mean spirited people get the same thing? They are bad on earth but they may receive forgiveness at their time of death.

I don't know.

If you have any thoughts do share.

I apologize that this post is all over the place. I just needed to let it out.

Awesome Easter Gift

I hope everyone had a joyous Easter for those who celebrate it.

MyHubbyMyLove and I don't have any set ritual for holidays like Easter, In the past I've bought him Easter Chocolate Easter Bunnies with a card and he has done the same for me. It is not every Easter. I remember one year, we just went to the store after and bought the good stuff that was on sale.

This year I didn't buy anything for him. It just did not cross my mind. My mind has been on my body, like that is anything different. But this pinched nerve, eczema and yeast infection distracted me.

However, MyHubby/MyLove gave me a card and some candy. It was so awesome.  I am not sure if you will be able to read it so I'll just type it. Here is ten reasons why I am better than a Chocolate Bunny according to Hubby's card

10. I have all the sweetness without all the calories.
09. I am a lot more fun to joke around with.
08. He can kiss me without looking silly.
07. I'm a better dancer. (YEA I actually can say I dance better than something LOL!)
06. I am not hollow.
05. No one is allergic to me.
04. My ears can be nibbled forever.
03. I can blink!
02. I am much easier to hug (and not nearly as sticky.)









And the #1 reason  I am better than a chocolate bunny is….

Aint that the truth!!!!  I'm one of a kind. He also gave me some milk chocolate ONE BILLION…yea that's right not one million…but ONE BILLION dollar candy bars

Did I hit the jackpot with this man or what? I thoroughly enjoyed my funny but thoughtful gift.

I treated him to a Picadilly Breakfast Buffet. If you have a Picadilly nearby, I highly recommend the Breakfast Buffet. 

We came home and relaxed for the rest of the day. But every time I looked or thought of my card, I smiled. Amazing how little things in life makes your heart sing.

How did you spend the Easter Holiday?

Mystery Pain Diagnosis

I am tired of seeing doctors. I am tired of needing and taking medicine.

I am tired of spending money on doctors. I am tired of spending money on medications. 

I am tired of my body wearing down. I am tired of hearing, "It could be worse." I am tired of being told yet another ailment is due to my Autoimmune disorder or Cerebral Palsy."

It was my mantra to my doctor yesterday when I finally broke down and went to find out the source of my mystery pain and foot skin problems.

After my mantra he attempted to be empathetic and indicated he understood. No he doesn't. He means well. No one understands. Some people have an idea. But you never know unless you are experiencing it.

As I have told him in the past I get so tired of life. It seems to be too much to wish for one month, much less a year, to be with no new medical woes. When I have finally accepted, and learned to tolerate what I have, another diagnosis is sprung. 

How much more can a person's human body, spiritual and emotional ups and downs take?

Here are the ones I live with day to day: 

Cerebral palsyCP)

Polyglandular Autimmune Disorder Type II (PGA-II) with includes adrenal insufficiency and HYPOthyrodisim, 

Chronic Venous Insufficiency (CVI) 

Gastric reflux disease (GERD), 

C.O.P.D./Asthma/Chronic Bronchitis. 

Add chronic upper respiratory infections, chronic urinary tract infections and bouts of this and that in between, it gets tiring. It gets frustrating. It gets irritating.

He stated the obvious. "As we age, our bodies get worn and tired? I responded, "My body has been through the wringer and back. And he came back with, "But you are still here and that's good."

My first fleeting thought was 'Really'?

But I slightly processed his response for a few second, then declared, " I should not be alive. At age 30, I honestly did not think I would live to be 51. "

Encouragingly he responded, "But you are. Something wants you to be here. It could be worse."

I told him I know but I don't want to hear that. I am so tired of hearing.  He knows me so well he let it rest.

I reminded him I fought all these years because I wanted to make sure BabyGirl had her mother until she was at least out of high school which God answered that prayer plus more. I am actually going to be alive to see her graduate college unless something unknowing comes up and I die.  I know she can now live her life if something should happen to me. She was always my rock. She was the sole reason to keep going and fight it through,  I know now she will he able to survive if God finally takes me.

He was genuinely listening to me and I saw concern on his face.

I reassured him that I am not in the suicide mode, then jokingly added I get in the mode from time to time and  wish he would give me something just to give me a peaceful death.

After reiterating the purpose of his oath he took in saving lives, he questioned of the possibility of the need of an antidepressant. 

Smiling, I said, "Doc, did you not hear my mantra?!" 

He then sighed and started examining me. Yea, he knows the time to quit.

 I have another yucky wet rash on my foot. The heel is wet and raw. I want to scream when I put in water, Actually, Hubby was in bathroom with me when my foot hit the water, I was hanging onto the shower rail barely hopping on one foot raving using unladylike expletives along with "OW OW Ooh" Remember, I have limited balance on two feet much less one. THANK GOD we have a shower seat. As soon as my butt hit the seat I only had to contend with the bottom of foot not getting wet.

I have been having to walk on my tiptoes. (Sorry MOM & DAD! I know you paid for surgeries to not do that very thing! Hopefully, it is temporary.)

A few days ago I plucked off what seemed to be another layer of skin that had grown. It was ABSOLUTELY GROSS.  When I stepped it hurt and itched. 

It feels like I'm walking on a spiked lily pad.  

Just one week ago, I had finished a regimen of Prednisone Doc sent over the phone for what we thought was a recurrence of Hand and Foot Disease  I have had 3 times in the last 9 months.

I love him because he is down to earth.  When he looked at my foot he grimaced like I do when I look at it. I have to use a mirror because I can't move my foot in the position to see it.  This time he said it is Eczema which is associated with my immune disorder, asthma, hay fever and C.O.P.D.

"BIG SHRUG AND SIGH" BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! ARGH!!

We then turned to my mystery pain. The mystery pain has waxed and waned.

In addition, one night I had severe chest pain but not like a heart attack. At first I thought it was pleurisy or I fractured a rib from coughing. (I have done that before!)  It was excruciating pain. It nearly immobilized me. It hurt when I moved. It hurt when I exhaled. It hurt when I laughed. (Of course Hubby would inadvertently make me laugh.)

Then there was a different night when my right eye had a tic. It went on for two days but disappeared just as fast as it appeared. The tic came in a series of 10 tics in 20 seconds. Yes, I counted and timed it.

Doc pulled, pushed and squeezed my arms and neck. He succeeded in making the dull pain I had worse. He said the pain could be from a number of things. He rattled off arthritis, herniated discs, Pinched nerve, spine spurs, and degenerative disease,

His best guess without tests is a pinched nerve and arthritis. I had already suspected some arthritis. 

Here is a simple explanation. We have nerves throughout our bodies. Nerves are surrounded by connective tissue, muscles, bones, cartilages and tendons. Sometimes too much pressure on these squeezes causing a pinched nerve. In my case, I have tight muscles from my CP, and something happened that my muscles are clamping on the nerve. Maybe I moved wrong or laid on it wrong. Or my muscles are just tightening more with  the age process. He also thinks the arthritis may also be from my CP.

Exasperated shaking my head, t "No! No! No!  Don't say that! I am on a CP group and I read many people have arthritis and such because of the long term effects of CP. I only have a mild case and was relieved I didn't have to deal with that although I had compassion for them. I don't want to be another statistic!"

He continued to remind me that the way I walk and stand puts more pressure on my body and I've done so well but things change. He apologized for having to give me that news. 

It actually makes perfect sense. 

It'll take time to accept it.

Sort of resolved, I asked him the treatment of all my acute medical woes. He gave me another regimen of Prednsione. Good thing is it should help both my eczema and maybe help inflammation in my joints and muscles I may have. He also gave me a prescribed cortisone cream. (It hurt like hell to put it on but the itching is gone, for now.). He showed me some stretch exercises for my head, neck and arm I can do sitting down. He said a massage could work. I said I love massages but I have to pay him and for my meds and after that my pocket book is too low to pay for that luxury. We agreed Medicare wouldn't pay for it.  However, I can get one free, my Hubby loves me that much! I also need to get back on my Wii Fitness. I used to take Yoga but it is too darn expensive here and the hours suck.

The last thing he suggested was trying a gluten free diet told me things I don't eat on gluten diet. I blurted, "Geez doc! That's what is making me gain and sustain my weight. No rice? Seriously?"

He informed me to take it slow and there are products that are gluten free. I commented,"Yea and as always healthier isalways more expensive. To take something out of a product costs more." He concurred and said, "Think about it." We knew we could have discussed this further but I think he was afraid it would send me further in my downward spiral at that moment.

I have and researched. I'll see what I can do. "SIGH"

Sorry this is long but I had to get it all in. But now we all know what is possibly the problem, I have the drugs and exercises. All we can do is wait and see.

Doesn't Anyone Have Any Invitation Etiquette Anymore?

I was taught if I wanted to invite someone to an event, I needed to gather up all of the names (first and last) and their addresses. If I didn't know their addresses I had to call them or find out another way. Then I had to Address an envelope for EACH INDIVIDUAL unless they lived in the same household.

Maybe etiquette is lost on most people nowadays.

My mom received an invitation with my name, my sister and  her names. My sister and I have not lived with our parents for YEARS.

Mom said the invite was to a couple's baby shower. There was no last name except for what appears to be the hostess. It instantly through my mom off. My mom couldn't think of who the shower was for because there was no last name to the persons the shower was given for.  I have a guess who it is but why should I have to guess?

We also know many people by those (First) names.

They had my married name so that tells me they probably have seen me on Facebook. So why couldn't they ask me for my address?

Also she received the invitation yesterday, the shower is this weekend. There was a RSVP as well. That was a little last minute eh?

I don't know why but it perturbed me. MyHubby said they may be trying to save on stamps. I said well if I am not worth the value of a stamp they don't deserve my presence. Or if they would have just emailed my invitation would have been better. Not the best thing but better.

What do you think about having three different households on one invitation, especially when a few haven't even lived at the residence for 20+ years? How close do you think an invitation should be given before the event?